[CallingHeart]

If I could go back to that day he gave me the 45 minutes, I would do it differently. When he walked in the restaurant, and said "I'm done" with that used car salesman smirk on his face, I would have said "OK, sounds like you've made a unilateral decision for yourself.  Do you want to kiss my ass goodbye or anything before I go? ..... (pause for 3 seconds)  No?"  Then I would have stood tall, flipped my hair back, and walked out of there!  It would have taken about 5 minutes or less and I would have 40 minutes of my precious life back. 

[jbird164]

Yes, I have a vanisher.  I've read all these posts and felt just so connected and not alone.  I've joined this site years ago and every once in awhile I come back to "visit".  This time I chose to comment because there are times I feel so alone standing for a man who left and married the other woman.  He gave me the speech in June 09 two weeks after my oldest had gotten married.  He moved out August 11 and had her moved in with him by the end of September.  I didn't hear hide nor hair from him in a few years following that. 

He married her 2 months after the divorce was finalized in a lavish over the top ceremony.  The divorce itself took a few years to accomplish as he wasn't really in a rush for it.  Around that time, we had to settle things with the sale of the house ( I got royally screwed on that) and we texted on and off.  In fact, 2 days before he got married, we had phone sex.   After that happened, he stopped texting or even answering my texts. 

Fast forward about a year or so, and he starts with me again.  This time, the idiot that I am, allows him to come over and we have sex.  This goes on for a few weeks then bam..... No contact.  Don't answer my texts, phone calls nothing.  I fall for the trap again about a year later (notice I called myself an idiot.  I didn't learn) and then he disappears again.  At this point there is no contact, nothing.  I belittle myself and text and get no reply. 

I'm holding out in faith that he will see the error of his ways, reform his life and come home.  He's married to her and I still hold out hope.  I'm just posting on this thread because I feel so kindred with all of you.  I'm not alone in this and I'm 8 plus years out.  Thanks for sharing your stories, it comforts me knowing I have others in the same boat as I am. 

[stillbaffled]

Welcome JBird.  While I'm sorry you have gone through so much since 2009 you have certainly landed in a place where we understand and identify with the craziness. 

My MLCer  became the 5th husband to the OW 18 months after he bomb dropped me.  He had virtually no contact at all with me the first 19 months.  At month 20 he was forced to have to text me because I gated off my property and he still has a crap ton of stuff here! 

Hope you'll stick around and let us get to "know" you.  Again, welcome.   

[Shocked]

Welcome Jbird! I hope you can find comfort and support from us. Standing or not we all want for the pain to go away!!!

[nah]

Wow Jbird, sounds to me you haven't heard the last of him.

Welcome.

[nah]

If I could go back to that day he gave me the 45 minutes, I would do it differently.

I feel this is one of the biggest struggles with a vanisher.  Since we have so few interactions, we drive ourselves crazy going over and over any small interaction he had and then we beat ourselves up with what we should have said.

I do this all the time.

[ChrissYAH]

Hugs chrisxx

Hugs to u too sweet x

[jbird164]

Thanks for your responses and I too think I haven't heard the last of him. 

[MsMedfly]

And the they pop their ugly faces out and ooooooooooo..... I'd like to punch him..

Learning the communication attempts of the vanisher is interesting..  Who has "appeared" 3 years in, only to s and a 2 hour phone call with me, 2 months ago... I'm in a fully committed relationship with my Duke, so it's not as if I care but it's the approach...

Puffy has decided he wants to play house, with our 22 year old son... Yesterday, they really did it all. Lunch, Home Depot, Christmas tree, lights on his new house, the works... Ok, so what... I'm not greedy with my son, we've long had our own things that we do together, only us and have for years... Puffy has asked for Christmas items that were never his to begin with... And put s up to attempting to negioate a deal???!!!!! For cheap gifts that were given to me by my grandparents decades before he entered our lives... Things he could buy a million times over but no, asks s to ask me... But is screaming, yelling what a fing b I am.... ?

Next up- ow....Ah yes , the married ow with 2 kids.. Who dumped him when he left me, to go back to her h, only to leave him a year later for puffy. Her kids hate him. Shocking, most people do!! It's now ended. She just lived too far away....

It's 45 minutes.....


Yes, ladies, my vanishing ridiculous ex husband left his now ex wife and son for a woman that now just lives too far away....

Now I know..

1. I did the right thing - God never fails!!! When He tells you to let go, you do it and run the opposite direction!!! Harder said than done but the peace and security once it happens is worth it!!
2. Never again... He will not put my son up to anything. Nope, not playing. No, no, nope, nada, not happening. S isn't not the go to fo scoop on me or ways to manipulate s into asking me stuff... What a child!!!!!
3. He's crazy..... And I no longer care!!!

Now the clock ticks till the next 2 years of vanishing..... Wish he'd hurry up, it's embarrassing as hell to be known as his ex wife..... Rrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!!! My poor son, he just laughs his a$$ off as his dad's insanity and just goes with the flow.. Love that kid, he's so kind and loving... He so much like me... And that's what monsters love to prey on... He loves his dad so much, in spite of it all,  and I totally understand. My sweet daddy is one the greatest men ever!!!

S did say, puffy is very aware that s can and will walk out of his life too, if he treats him like garbage again.. S said puffy lost it on a set of lights and s just looked at him. He knew, s could see it in his eyes..

Grab the wine and pie y'all... Get your stretchy pants ready... Looks like the vanishing marshmellow is up for giving us new material... Lawd help us all!!!!

[ChrissYAH]

It will be bang on 3 1/2 yrs Dec 2 since he ran off, seen him maybe 3/4 times since then after I found out bout ow he vanished then he married it, always complained he had no money (cause he ruined us financially) and of course blamed me for it, but managed to have a 5 star reception at some high end waterfront restaurant, he's now waiting on his half of the settlement to start living, mortgage free, money in the bank, trips overseas and an old hag in tow, meanwhile he has no kids, no morals, no dignity but who cares him travelling with no more money problems and a ow who satisfies him plus thinks he's such a great and funny guy is what makes him happy.

He would still be forging ahead even if my kids and I were living in the st, as he said 'I don't care'