[MadLuv]

If there is a good scenario in this situation I feel you have it.  If your family cant stay together than at least the person has some realization of what they have done and reconnect in some way, because when you spend and dedicate your life to someone you want them to always be a part of it and for it to matter.  The only negative is his and his son’s relationship and hopefully that can turn around. It’s so important.

You know in the original movie “the women” which is a MLC movie thru and thru… when the little girl is told of her parents divorce and the mother is trying to shield her of her fathers infidelity, so she speaks as if it is a mutual decision. The daughter asks, but mother I thought when you love someone you love them forever? Does that mean you will stop loving me? She said, no of course not. The daughter then says, well then I don't understand. The mother replies, it’s different with children.  The girl was completely confused why. She has something there!! 

Thank you for the update S&D

[Slow Fade]

You made me stop and think SD.....Bomb Drop for me was Easter 12 years ago. Where does the time go?

Nothing major has changed for me either, but we are together and thinking about retirement. There are still triggers, there are still intrusive thoughts, but they don't last long. I found my voice, my courage and myself. It is a hard way to find these things. S, now 21, is developing a relationship with his father which is wonderful. I didn't think it would happen......

I think reconciliation looks different for everyone...I think everyone comes out a different person in the end.

[toomanytearss]

Songanddance - your story so resonates with me.  I am in a very similar place as you.  Going through many of the same things as you.  I am so very happy in my life, but I do find this place to be a bit lonely at times.  When bd happened, it was just terrible, of course.  Dark times.  But so much support and empathy here that I was able to finally move forward.  I felt understood with what I was going through.

This stage, it leaves me a bit quiet and I don't discuss it much.  It's a difficult place to be sometimes.  I've heard "well this is what you wanted why aren't you taking him back" = I've also heard " I thought you were done, why are you even entertaining anything"  There's been the "after everything why do you even speak to him, you don't make sense". 

So not only am I guarded regarding the x but I'm also guarded in sharing my thoughts and feelings about where I'm at now with anyone. 

I'm thankful that you post Songanddance.  I can relate to your thread and it helps me.

[KayDee]

Oh, I hope you feel supported and heard here TMT. I for one have found your posts extremely helpful. There's something so ineffable about this whole MLC journey we are put on. I often find myself waffling and contradicting myself, even to my therapist (especially to my therapist). On one hand I still hold concern for a man who is clearly in trouble. On the other, I am suffering from his actions. My friends and family have been fantastic, and many have tried to be sympathetic towards H, but even the most sympathetic have written him off now. I am not holding onto the marriage, or the notion that he will come back. I am moving forward. But I do still waffle and have times of feeling so conflicted. So, to reiterate, to you, to S&D, Barbie, Slowfade (so many more that have reconnected) - thank you for your honesty and bravery in sharing. I, for one, feel less alone.