Sounds like you're a busy bee Alvin
Cruising right along. It's really good to see you doing so well.
-SS
Yes, I've definitely been a busy bee.
Today I signed the papers for the move. Total cost of 4K$ - yikes. But what else should I expect when moving interstate
I've also scheduled appointment with the child welfare services. Time to make the "no alimony" and "meeting schedules" official next monday.... STBXW said she wants to re-think the "no alimony" deal once more. I just said you are free to think about it as much as you want, but please do understand that if we don't reach the proposed deal, then I'm willing to change the rules of game significantly (because so far I've been playing very nice and generous, but it is a choice). Regardless of what STBXW decides, I do have a plan that "plays" for me. I just wish she would understand that if it goes to court, it is gonna be way worse deal for all of us (kids included).
The house appraisal... Finally something's happening with it. The appraiser sent a number of additional questions, and then asked me "how would you feel of value of 90k"? I just wrote back "that is IMHO way too low" and then argumented my view properly. Some time later he sent another email "oops, I though your house was older. This changes the appraisal more in line with what you thought"... I then asked on how many data points the appraisal is based upon, and he said "not many".... I guess he had no idea of what the real value might be and was just fishing my perspective. Too bad I didn't add extra 50k to my own opinion
School season's now on... I've been messaging with three different school principals about the upcoming arrangements. So far green light from all of them., two of them actually said "nice to see somebody who's thought this through well"... I'm also bit sad as this is the last/final school season (so far) that I get to see my kids enroll.... When taking S5 to school, I ended for walk with with STBXW-former-BFF. We had a lengthy and deep talk about the changes this does for everyone's life as well as life moving onwards. It was propably the most profound talk the two of us have had in these 10+ years we've known each other. But better late than never.
I had a couple of lengthy chats and calls with G19... I sense something's pressuring her. Maybe beginning of school season, maybe sleeping issues, maybe boyfriend issues. Maybe all of those. But I'm not poking - just giving her the space to come forth when she feels for it. And listening and being there...
Last but not least... This has been brewing under the hood for good time. I think I am approaching the point of "not standing still", maybe the point of "not standing at all"... I do notice that I've got some new dreams, and they do not include STBXW anymore. The door is still open for her to try a comeback, but like most here have read, possible reconnections are rare and slow and difficult processess. Possibly the only reason I might be interested to put my head into such brutal process would be kids/family. But not for love, as I think I've finally learned to love her from the distance. But umm, this decision needs bit more time to bake.
Alvin.
At time of BD.... Me: 43, XW: 41
Kids: G19,G18,G14,G12,S5
Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019,
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."), Mar 2020
D filed May 2020, D finalized Dec 2020
I have moved on, and am in new relationship.
Lessons from Stoicism and REBT helped me to exit the chaos zone and become a better person.
"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. - Epictetus"