I really struggle with this, which is why I don't feel like I'm changing. I've always been independent. My H always told me "you don't need me". I did most things myself, especially financially. I always responded back "I do need you, just not the way you think I should".
My husband also said to me that I didn't need him. I like your response, I wish I had said what you said to your H, but I didn't think of it and didn't know what to say.
My biggest change has been my complete re-think of marital love. I thought unconditional love was between parents and kids and if you had unconditional love in your marriage it meant you're a doormat. Well, I know now that I want to love my H even those times (many during MLC) that he does not deserve for me or anyone else to love him. I want to work on it more & more.
Patience is the weapon that forces deception to reveal itself.