[Ready2Transform]

The no touch/hug/space bubble thing is all too familiar.  People just "breaking up" or growing apart will have a physical distancing, but I've noticed with MLCers it becomes this strange "thing" that they use as controlling behavior.  We aren't "allowed" in much the same way a small child will have a "don't touch me" tantrum.  Once we get used to this kind of behavior, it changes who we are.  It's not good.  

Hugs and prayers to you.  Being at a place where this is not acceptable shows you are sane.  I wish I'd done that earlier.

[Anjae]

NA, things may get worse. Mine only did that no kissing/touching thing a few days before the day he had choose to leave. I couldn’t get what was going on. Weirdly, after he left, he would hug and kiss (cheek kiss and that was new, but still kiss). Think it is their way of saying it is over. Or of wanting us to give up. Not good.

[NewAttitude]

The no touch/hug/space bubble thing is all too familiar.  People just "breaking up" or growing apart will have a physical distancing, but I've noticed with MLCers it becomes this strange "thing" that they use as controlling behavior.  We aren't "allowed" in much the same way a small child will have a "don't touch me" tantrum.  Once we get used to this kind of behavior, it changes who we are.  It's not good.  

Hugs and prayers to you.  Being at a place where this is not acceptable shows you are sane.  I wish I'd done that earlier.

So is this MLC or is this a break up llike a teenager has before moving on?  Or is this something that if I give him time and space, he will figure out that he's throwing a good person away?  Or will he suddenly just wake up and say whatever a reformed MLC person says.  BTW...this 'don't touch me' has been a while now.  In the past year, after his heart attack, I believe 'he' has come to trust my friendship towards him and that somehow I have earned a few points back.  However, he doesn't get it: He may feel I have not been a friend to him in the past, but he is forgetting that he has not been my friend in the past and though he has lightened up a little, he is not being such a good friend to me in the present, too.  Yes, I get mad and lonely and I still care about him, but facing a life and death situation like his heart attack makes me realize that if we only have a few short years left, then I'd rather both of us have some joy.  That includes whatever I have to do for him to have joy and me too.  I'd like it to be together but my patience might end before his depression does.  I guess I just don't see how if he is 'done' whether it is MCL or not if there is really any way he can rebuild a bridge to me because it's not like he is trying and I am just trying to be distant and build my own wall at this point.

[NewAttitude]

NA, things may get worse. Mine only did that no kissing/touching thing a few days before the day he had choose to leave. I couldn’t get what was going on. Weirdly, after he left, he would hug and kiss (cheek kiss and that was new, but still kiss). Think it is their way of saying it is over. Or of wanting us to give up. Not good.

I hate to say it but this has been going on a while.  Things are better than they were before.  I mean before, I could tell he didn't even want to introduce me as his wife.  (I of course had weight gain from the antidepressants I was on from what our family 'trauma' was that we were coping with.  I looked like $h!te.)  There is a story here but just let me say, I am astute and I noticed the pause before he introduced me as 'his wife.'  Also, that was many years ago.  I almost left him around 3 or so years ago when things came to a head!  I had my boxes and bags packed and was going to move out.  I had to finish a few weeks of work and then I was going to leave.  Two days before I was to leave, I tore my achilles ligament on my driving foot and so I ended up staying.  Two months later, he was incredibly rude to my family and instead of me moving out, I moved his things into the garage and told him to go.    I told him to just give me a 'fair' amount of money and I did not care about taking 'half' or anything, just a fair portion.  He didn't.  In December last year, a big fight happened with his parents and our daughter and his default was to blame me for what the daughter did.  I said to him at that pont, "Well, so are you going to divorce me now?"  He stomped away not saying anything.  Eventually, he spoke to me and my daughter and realized that I had nothing to do with what happened (except for trying to prevent it) and he had to admit that her reason for what she did was valid.  At any rate, I state this because that is the last time divorce was discussed or alluded to, although the argument was close to a BD. 

And once again, we start inching up the hill towards... a truce?  Yes, I am family to him.  He does not give up family unless they have really done wrong by him.  He knows I have not.  He knows I am not the crazy loon who lost her head because the daughter was raped and suicidal, the other daughter was acting up, he was coping with business issues, and I fell apart because two children were Hell bent on drama and killing each other and blaming me and their dad and we couldn't cope as a family.  I know he thought I was crazy because the antidepressants made things worse and I wasn't sleeping and having nightmares and PTSD and so on...  I admit, I fell apart.  I consider myself to be smart and normal because who in their right mind can handle 3 other crazy people without falling apart too?

So any ways, I have really tried to think of this site to help me build my own wall, which I am not good at, and to regulate my emotions, which I am not good at, and to learn about if he or I or both of us have MLC or if we have just been traumatized to the bone!  These past 2 weeks (since I let him go to a gathering without me) he has been a little less harsh and even ...touches me with an arm in bed but it's NOT right and it's not good enough when I shouldn't have to worry that I should move or he will notice he is touching me!

This is way TMI for a 'rant' and especially for this being a public forum.

[NewAttitude]

I also just want to add that I am stressed out. I have missed a menstrual cycle and it is either menopause or stress related but it is not pregnancy since I don't stray; much as I would LOVE to cuddle and feel loved again and have sex.  I'm not interested in straying though.

I also have to add that I don't know if I am supposed to or allowed to post things like this in threads or if it has to be in my own thread.  I can't post to only my own thread.  It is not a logical way I can view a discussion but please let me know if I am doing this wrong.
RCR edited to correct missing comma--at request of poster.

[Anjae]

It is hard to say from what you write if you are both stressed and worn out, both having a MLC or your husband has been in MLC for a few years. On discussion threads, if possible, if would be better to debate the discussion theme. On our own threads we can post what we want (within the board rules of behaviour). On other threads it depends, each case is a case. As for your missing cycle, again, it is hard to say if it is stress of menopause. Stress can make cycles disappear for months.

[NewAttitude]

It is hard to say from what you write if you are both stressed and worn out, both having a MLC or your husband has been in MLC for a few years. On discussion threads, if possible, if would be better to debate the discussion theme. On our own threads we can post what we want (within the board rules of behaviour). On other threads it depends, each case is a case. As for your missing cycle, again, it is hard to say if it is stress of menopause. Stress can make cycles disappear for months.

I used to just think he had Low T and we both had depression and PTSD.  We went through Hell.  I feel we lost everything we had, emotionally.  Our family fell apart.  The floor of our foundation gave out.  You can only deal with so much drama, trauma, stress, and pain before you just give up.

I am 51 so it could be either.