[kikki]

I really hope your H is taking the meds WGU, and that the treatment is successful 

Yes, big hope. The more we know about the brain/depression, the bigger the hope. It may never be possible to cure certain types of depression but it is certainly possible to have it treated, stabelised, mitigated and learn to live with it. In my opinion, MLC is more like drug addiction. The brain of the MLCer, once the crisis is gone, and, if needed, with the help of medicines, will go back to normal. Even if the person was depressed it will be possible to look after the depression.

Also, we are having a ton of helful info in this board that will allow us to deal better with our spouses depression, or our own. So, again, yes, there is hope.

I agree too Anne.  I believe there is hope. 

[keepingthepeace]

I can not believe the parallels is see here to my husbands upbringing..... my husband had always acted like he had a perfect childhood, his sister painted a very different picture, he has always held his mother on such a pedestal, I could never figure out why,shes a cold distant isolated alcholholic who communicates with no one, about a year before bd,his sister opened up to sister inlaw about sexual abuse by father, my husband was flooded with tears, he instantly realized thoughts he head been holding and questioning of abuse that had happened him were real... his only way of dealing with it has been to never speak to his father again and that is it end of discussion..........

[Gallagher]

Thanks AnneJ.  Loved your words of wisdom.

Depression is a beast.  My Pastor is going to give me some course material on how depression is a "learned coping mechanism."  I'll share if I find anything interesting. 

You are right, I was focusing on my H's quietness, calmness, what seemed like balance.  Because I was running form a beautiful, wild playboy, party boy who broke my heart.  I picked what I thought was the "opposite'. Little did I know... It takes a long while to "see the real person'.

I wish they could make a medication to take away the pain of infidelity.  Just take the entire memory away.

[toughtimes]

I have just been catching up on information here, thank you so much. It's helped me to understand my depression and also to understand my Hs.

Both my paternal and maternal grandmothers suffered with Alzheimer's, I'm trying to understand where my predisposition to depression comes from. My dad told me he felt his father was more of a depressive than his mother. But she did have depression after dad was born during the war so it kind of suggests to me a depressive predisposition.

Well I'm in for a lot of fun in old age aren't I! Alzheimer's almost definitely with my history of depression!

Also interesting for me is my realisation or admission that I suffer from depression and it will never be cured but I can manage it. I guess it takes a sympathetic and giving person to deal with a spouse like me! I am learning more and more about my own brain chemistry and it's helping me understand. I have realised I have been stigmatising myself, my own mental health and going along with societies view that mental health problems are wrong and should be denied or covered up.

[calamity]

TT - I think you might be young enough  to get depression under control before the patterns are established.  Also you could grow out of depression & what if it is tied to hormones? 

[toughtimes]

CJ yes I really think my depression is linked to hormones! And possibly a H who was actually rather stressful to live with!!!!! Certainly in the last two MLC years!

[Trustandlove]

TT, one of the things that I used this "gift of time" for was to really figure out how to get my own tendency towards depression under control.  I chose to do CBT on my own, after not finding a practitioner that I felt I could work with (and pay....); I looked at all sorts of books, settled on David Burns "Feeling Good", and sat down to the hard work.  (OK, curled up in the foetal position...)   There is no substitute for doing the exercises in writing, unfortunately.  I also used "Overcoming Worry" to deal with anxiety.

I probably spent 2 years on those....  that sounds like a lot, and it is, but time passes and that was now also several years ago.  It doesn't "cure" it instantly, but I recently went back and looked at some of the scoring and evaluation tests and realised that even with everything still going on I was back in a "normal" category, when I had been in "moderate depression" (which is actually very bad -- I don't want to think about what "severe"is) when I started the work. 

I also got a therapy lamp, which I keep on pretty much all the time I'm at my desk.  SAD or not, it really does help.  Not cheap, but worth it.    Again, on it's own it's OK, but in conjunction with other things it makes a difference. 

Even if it is tied to hormones (in which case some medication might help as well...) this approach can help manage feelings whatever their cause.  I say can help; it's not a magic bullet, but it was the most appropriate for me. 

Sorry, this is getting off the subject of MLC from an expert.....

[calamity]

Thanks T&L, good advice.

what's got me thru the last week [it changes. ] is the Lao Tze quote

If you're depressed you're living in the past
If you're anxious you're living in the future
If you're at peace you're living in the present.

Whatever gets you thru the night...

[toughtimes]

Thanks for that advice TandL I am reading loads. I am finding philosophy very helpful and I naturally feel more confident since H left which fills me with a sense that I am happy being alone and being in my own company for the first time in my life! It's okay.

xx