[june]

I was bomb dropped on Valentine's day this year.  That was rough cause it was ironically the day we got engaged. 

I just wanted to note that Holidays for my partner seem to be days that he does something epically destructive. As I have read over the board, everyone seems to get at least one INSANE and MONUMENTAL blow on these days. I suppose it's the swirling of emotion that set them off like bombs....perhaps they didn't have this "awesome power" without waiting for precious moments to draw it up. 

For me it was a bomb drop days before his birthday after I planned an epic day for him, cleaned out the bank account and vanishing physically to a mystery apartment on our anniversary, telling me he wanted me to draw up papers on Halloween (or favorite holiday), and now Thanksgiving and Christmas dropping emails telling me that he can't enjoy himself because he knows I still want him home....oi. 

Understanding that this seems to be standard playbook made this holiday a lot better in relation to my feelings for him. I really thought I must be the worst person on earth for someone to opt for such symbolic destruction. Apparently I am not that special and that's a really good feeling!

AHH--just realized husband proposed on Easter! ugh....

[Medusa]

June. I love your attitude about not being that special! Of course you aren't the worst person on earth. Just think about what he's telling you: he can't enjoy the holidays because he knows you want him home. It's all about him, him, and him.

We do get through these holidays. I'm on my second Christmas (he moved out Thanksgiving day, at my request) and as each holiday passes, I get stronger. Today I miss some of the traditions, but since D22 lives 1000 miles away, most of our traditions would have been delayed, anyway, whether he was here or not. When you can learn to look forward and not focus overly much on the past, it really helps.

[Magnite38]

Hey June...eye opener isn't it.  Join clubs and social groups and meet some new friends.  Start over,  there are good people out there.  You  really only need one good friend who will be there for you and you them. 

Christmas # 1 was a disaster. BD was early Dec and thought we should hold off telling the kids until the new year. So we tried to fake it and I couldn't ..he got an earfull every moment over Christmas holidays. It was awful.

Christmas #2 was sad but I had the kids and I went through the motions.

Christmas #3 kids were with ex until 1pm on the 25th.  I reflected a bit but enjoyed my time to myself. The 24th I went out got my hair cut and styled and looked really good which made me feel good.  I spent Christmas eve with extended family and got a lot of compliments.  Christmas morning without the kids was surprisingly okay but was anxious to get them by 1. We then headed to my parents for the afternoon evening. 

Holidays are hard for the first couple years but it gets better.  Next year there should be even less care for ex and our history over the holidays. Time help fade the memories and you will change, grow and make new connections...new memories replace the old.