[Anjae]

LBS also have stages, that, often, replicate the MLCer ones. Ours tend to be shorter and less severe, unless we have a MLC of our own.

One year is the minimum advisable to wait before dating in a normal divorce/separation. In a MLC one, it is most likely too soon. The LBS is not ready nor healed enough.

Threads about LBS stages:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8078.0 - LBS Stages 4
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5789.0 - LBS Stages 3
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=5734.0 - LBS Stages 2
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=2625.0 - LBS Stages 1

[One day at a time]

Thanks Anjae, I will read those links.

I have no interest in dating anyway. I just get annoyed when people question me about it but they wouldn't have a clue about MLC!  I'm more worried about the fact that time is passing by and it's not registering with me. The LBS stages info might answer that for me.

[Jackolar12]

When I think about how a MLCer in liminality would look I can picture a prostrate flattened person complete with double tyre tracks and a roadsign next to them saying “Road Kill from the Karma Bus”.

[hope2018]

Before one gets to Liminality they have to go through the awakening process.  Jim Conway states, "Once the "awakening" occurs they begin to suffer the next stage - Depression and it is the low point of the MLC Lifer's journey." My questions from this statement:
1.  Is rock bottom a part of the awakening?
2.  From your knowledge/experience about how long does this gradual awakening take?
3.  During the awakening is this when they seem to be "normal"
4.  Does the mlcer's depression gradually increase during an awakening or just at the end of replay?
5.  Does the awakening have to be completed before they enter into liminality/depression or can they be in both the awakening at the end of replay and depression?

HS states:  "Awakening is a time of realization, but an MLCer still may not know how to take action and may continue to be indecisive as well as uncertain. That makes sense. How does one go about cleaning up the mess caused by abandonment and infidelity? It’s a frightening thing to realize and even more frightening to think about in terms of corrective actions; they do not know if corrective actions are even possible or available; this may thus initiate another increase in confusion and guilt."

Has anyone experienced the above where their spouse does not know what to do and then never get the courage to turn back to their spouse/family?

[Keep believing]

I think this is where my h is. he hasn't said anything but he sure acts this way. he even said how he made his bed and has to sleep in it. ( moment of clarity or who knows this was a year ago. he said he hates what he did to me and the kids)  he noticed surroundings, reconnecting with kids but who really knows? h still with ow.    alos I quit drinking 4 years ago. he knows he would have to stop if he came back ,so maybe he jusr doesn't want to quit . or maybe really not want to come back
   

[hope2018]

KB

Had you noticed an awakening in your spouse?  If so, what did you see.  Have you seen an increase in depression?

[rosetintedglasses]

I too wonder about liminality.

In my case my H had 2 years of replay behaviour including anger and depression. He left home but OW stayed with her family to work things out there so I wonder if he could have had rock bottom then.  As he had left it was difficult for me to see what he was like but we didn’t see much of him. Then he started being ‘decent’ for the next year or so and here we are. He seems happier but has never mentioned coming back. I would hate to think he still had liminality to go through but I suppose anything is possible.

Rose 🌹

[Keep believing]

I can't say. when things get real with him, he has always kept quiet.   I don't see him much. i think last time i saw him was jan. When I talk to him on the phone, he is very short compared to before. and lately he has been very angry. some kind of change but I don't know what it is. he could very well have had a fight with ow. He is a realist(when normal)  but very negative person , so I know in his mind a reconciliation could never work. I think about it sometimes but most times I feel the same way. It could never work.I suppose I wouldn't mind trying for the "family" we had .He also has so much debt ,I think true reality is hard for him to face. So that little bit of replay behavior is still there to try and forget.

[hope2018]

After some further reading, can someone verify if I am understanding the details on the awakening.  What I am gathering is that most of the time it is a gradual process and that they start to have some clarity and act "normal" over a period of many months. Then they will have the final realization of what has happened the ..Oh $h!te moment.  The awakening can take 6-10 months.  During this time we will see a change in the mlcer due to the clarity.   

[UnconditionalLove]

Well, my MLC er ex has ran the step to a tee.  After 6 years to date I believe he is now in Liminality or entering it.  He was more of a high replayer, and a runner. He left 6 years ago with OW who was 20 years younger and as it looks now it’s over.  He is now back in the state he left me in and has been here for 4 months now.  The only contact I have with him is when I text from time to time to remind him gently he needs to pay alimony which I don’t get but...that’s because he lost everything.  This affair cost him his professional status, his business, he’s totally in debt and stopped paying all debtors 3 years ago and has back taxes he owes and hasn’t filed taxes since we divorced in 15. Also his health is bad as well.

I don’t know anything about who ended the affair.  He is now working in the state he left me in and lives in the basement of the place he works. I don’t know how he had the money to move here.  He said he doesn’t have money to get an apartment.  I told him through text that I was sure he was depressed and he said yes.  I asked him if he is still depressed and he vanished again and he didn’t answer that.  He is in a city where he knows no one.  He has no money, can’t do anything but stay in the basement room he’s living in so his mind has to be always going.  But from what I can tell from a distance he’s in a dark place.  He has never reached out to me throughout the whole MLC.  He vanished and didn’t look back.  He has stayed in touch only because of money and me reaching out but through those times I get pieces of what he wants me to know.  He also wanted me to know in a round about way he was back in the state he left me.

It’s funny how his stages has ran true to form where others stages have been different.  I don’t know how long this process is going to take him.  It could be long because he’s such a proud person like his dad and denial runs deep.  But, he is definitely in a place withdrawal.  I have been trying to read as much as I can about this stage. Not finding a whole lot so it was good to see this thread.