[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I know we might feel like just words on a screen but we are real people and we care about you.

This is so true and just know that you have to see your own value as a person who belongs with us. It is sometimes on our darkest times that we feel as if we don't belong, but we do. As I sit here typing, my baby nephew is occupying all my wife's time. He has been with us for two days and both my wife and mom are tired. I have forgotten how tiring babies can be especially at six months. He is so, so cute and I am sitting on my couch drinking a cup of  Vietnamese coffee. We are both watching the football game.

The point is that I would have never imagined myself in this place eleven years ago. My ex had just left the house and I was alone trying to make it all work. With my alimony and child support payments, I was left with next to nothing. My back account was wiped out and I had nothing but debt and paying for my daughter's college as well. I saw no end to the dark tunnel, but I made it through.

I know it hurts now and you are in the same dark tunnel. However, get help! I will say it again, get help! Heal yourself and concentrate only on you!

Please keep posting and please know that we deeply care about you.

(((Hugs))) and more (((Hugs)))

Ready

[FaithWalker]

I was in that dark place too.  I am so glad that I pushed through.  I never would have believed back then that I would have joy again, that I would be traveling to new places I'd never been, that I'd have a new and better job. 

We are here, listening and understanding, and remembering being in that dark place.

Check in when you can.  Thinking of you!

[titleholder]

I just want to say like the rest of us; we (partly) know what you are going through. I know I had some severe low moments after BD. Just know we're here for you if you want somebody to talk to and if things get too rough try and get help through a doctor or therapist.

You can't imagine it right now, but it will get better!

Love TH!

[Dragonfly33]

Hearbeat I hope you are ok. We haven’t heard from you for a while. I was also once in your situation and I tried to take my life and ended up in a hospital. Now I am glad nothing happened to me. That person was not worth taking my life. If there’s someone you should protect, it’s yourself. Be kind to yourself and please talk to a therapist. It helped me get out of that rabbit hole.. please do not hurt yourself. You are valuable.

[heartbeat]

Hi everyone. I’m in a tough spot still.

In the last few weeks I’ve worked really hard on a contract and finished it, but now I’m fighting for payment and I am hoping that resolves quickly. My living situation is still precarious. I’m able to remain where I am for the time being, but I’ve come to realize there are ways the housemate/landlord acts that leave me on edge or taken for granted. I’m trying to graciously move through it because I think our mutual friends and broader social circle does not need drama, and I truly think our connection would be far more neutral if not for this.

I may have an option to live in a different friend’s house next year. Someone I know owns a house here but is trying to get a contract to move to the US to be closer to a serious partner, in which case he’d rather not leave his house standing empty. It would be a really great deal for everyone if it works out, but there’s nothing on paper yet so I can’t rest on that just yet. I’m trying to be hopeful and I’m just sweating bullets about my last two invoices because I need it for rent.

My ex contacted me via email yesterday. I don’t know how to feel about it. He’s had time to mull things over and did apologize for ‘taking three months to work out what he needed’ and expressed regret, said he wouldn’t contact me again unless I responded. He said he missed the good parts of our relationship but felt he had to be alone. I am sad because it feels like another misguided attempt to let himself off the hook, even if he ended it with wishing me ‘peace and healing.’ I can’t ever trust this person again, and I’m aware that nothing in the email was an actual invitation to a discussion, so I just haven’t responded.

The pressure of everything makes me want to crack. In my hopeful dreams, my friend gets his job and gets to move, I get to live in his place (I love the area he’s in and I’d finally get some time and space to just exist with my cats), and my career takes off and is decently compensated. I would like to find a partner who loves me enough to build a life with me, not just go on endless escapist escapades. I’m lonely and scared but I’m trying.

[FaithWalker]

Sending good thoughts your way, heartbeat.