[OffRoad]

I have to say, I'm a bit disappointed in your daycare. A child has parents who are going through issues and then a separation and they flag him for "the spectrum"? How about he's just stressed because his family is stressed.....

I'm glad you have gotten him out and about. It is important for kids to see what it's like outside their own four walls and whatever day care they are in. And keeping to the custody is good for your son and good for you. And staying in the same neighborhood, at least for now, is stabilizing for your son.  Sounds like you are doing  great job as a father.

I'm sorry for what you have been going through. You've made some great choices. You cannot control anything she does, only what you do, so keep on taking care of you and S2.

[LBSinUSA]

Journaling Update:

Its been awhile since Ive updated so I figure I may as well.  This is my weekend with S2 and he's been having a blast with me this weekend. We went to the aircraft museum next to where I live.  He loves airplanes so he was very excited to see all the little models of the WW1 and WW2 planes they have.  We also went to swimming lessons and watched football.  Hes starting to enjoy watching sports with me.  I think he just likes my reactions. 

I am moving next month across the street to a smaller place.  Im excited to move as I can see Im a bit melancholy still staying in the same place Ive been for the last 4 years.  At least its been better the last couple of months without STBXW and MIL.

Ive been alone here now for over two months. I barely speak with STBXW.  As time has gone on, I find myself more and more disgusted with her and the desire to even talk to her has dropped off a cliff.  I keep discussions to logistics with regards to S2 and thats it.  If she attempts to talk beyond that, I dont respond. 

Someone rear-ended her in her car a couple weeks ago while son was in the backseat.  She was calling me nonstop but I was asleep.  She eventually reached out to my sister who called me.  Once I found out son was ok, she began asking me questions about what to do.  I told her that if she thought something was wrong go to an urgent care or ER.  She may have been trying to get legal info as she can sue the guy who hit her, but theres no way I would give her any advice.  (Im an atty). 

What worried me was that I read stories on here about the sudden car accidents MLCers seem to get into.  While she was rear-ended I get scared thinking she has S2 in her car while her polluted brain is in lala land.  Its something I have to work through.

Anyways, this was a rough week for me.  At work we were slated for a significant raise but it fell apart because our union decided increasing form 35 to 40 hours was too much.  I was very displeased at the union meeting and did not shy away from telling people what I thought.  I generally dont like unions and for this very reason.   The raise would have been amazing and settled alot of the issues I can see coming but I guess when you come from money and have parents paying your rent into your 30s and 40s then its not a big deal to turn down a huge raise and screw over the other people in the office. 

Well thats about it.  I am continuing my detachment.  I snapped at STBXW on text.  She felt the need to send me some books for S2 from the county.  I told her not to send me anything.  It wasnt really about her sending the books, as much as me being in a very bad mood due to the aforementioned union turning down the raise that day.  Regardless, I dont care if I was rude to her given what shes done, but looking back it wasnt a big deal to send me books.  I think I just dont trust anything she does and see it as a form of anchor checking. 

I hope all is well.  And now were getting ready to go to the Pug Meetup in our city.  The dogs are dressing as pumpkins with S2. 

Edit: Also as an aside, Ive read through some threads and I can say the best advice Ive gotten was from my attorney who told me to immediately establish 50/50 custody when you have kids if the MLCer wants to take them for more than that.  For all the stuff Im dealing with, STBXW hasnt been testing me on that lately and that was my biggest concern. 

[FaithWalker]

I am so glad S2 is okay after the accident! 

Sorry to hear about the bummer with the union decisions. 

In regards to pushing back about the books, you are entitled to feel the way you feel.  I've taken things like that as a criticism before.  My xH may not have intended it that way, but it didn't mean that I still felt the way that I felt about it.

[LBSinUSA]

Another month down since I last posted and I finally moved.  I pretty much did the entire move on my own across the street .  A couple friends of mine came by just to help with the couch and king mattress.  It feels good in a way to be out of that house and kind of starting my own life up.  My son loves his new room as much as his old room.  Its about the same size and he has his own bathroom now.  Since hes spending the other half of the nights in a bedroom with STBXW and her mom I think hes now aware he likes having his own room and the dogs snuggling with him.   

The failed marriage anniversary came and went last month.  I did not say or send anything.  STBXW wrote a message to me about how much she appreciated how I was looking after S2 during the last weeks and, even though we had disagreements,  she thanked me for giving her the best with S2.  She said I was a good person and good Dad.  I didnt respond or say anything because I dont feel the same about her.  In fact I think shes a horrible, disgusting person and a lousy mother who destroyed her childs family.  Shes also a cheater even if she continues to lie about it.  Rather than tell her that I just shut up.   I figure the old adage is "You can get in the mud and fight with a pig if you want to, but in the end you both end up dirty and the pig likes it."

I did have to suffer her presence at S2's assessment with the county a couple of weeks ago.  The assessment went well I suppose.  They are going to give me the results tomorrow.  Thankfully its over Zoom so I dont have to see STBXW.  If S2 has an issue then I think hes likely high functioning but I just dont see it.  He seems to be progressing pretty good and I am trying to keep an open eye to whats wrong.  It seems to me they could probably find something wrong with every two year old and say theres a delay or they are on the spectrum. I will know more tomorrow.  I am not going to send him to one of the county schools regardless of what they say as I think putting him in a room filled with kids who are severely delayed would be a mistake as he will learn from them.

After the assessment the MLC decided to try and give S2 breakfast while we were all together.  I walked and waited in my car.  I had to be at work that day so I just left.  It seemed she wanted the 3 of us to hang out that day but that is simply not going to happen.  I ended up letting her have him an extra night as it was moving day (ended up moving weekend) and I needed to get things ready.  She attempted to come by and say she wanted S2 to see his new place but I told her not too as I had already showed it to him.  I think this is anchor checking.   

I seem to be drawing interest at work with another woman.  I dont know how ready to date I am.  I dont think I am.  I just kind of want the holidays to be over with and get ready to file for D. next year.  Knowing myself, its going to be a very long time before I can be civil with STBXW for any extended period of time.  She texts me with nonsense alot of the time, most of it pertaining to S2.  I might be being unreasonable to a degree but I just cannot be in contact with someone whose done what shes done to me. 

Sorry for the rant, but I figured its better here than to her.   

[Reinventing]

That's great that your move is over. Yes, keeping her at arms length is good while the emotions run high and she is interested in trying to have more time with S2.

The nice thing I that you can interact a certain way now and keep it the same or change it in the future. So no pressure.

Not reacting is commendable, especially with all the big changes in your life in a relatively short amount of time.

[Flummoxed]

100% agree with Reinventing, just wanted to say no apologies needed- absolutely feel free to vent. We can relate and empathize. Maybe take your time with dating until you’re in a more detached/peaceful place, but of course, do what’s best for you. Congrats on the move and keep on forward!

[Treasur]

I agree with the others that keeping contact minimal while your emotions are running hot is a good thing. As a lawyer, you have probably seen examples where folks don’t do that. And your new home sounds like a very positive step forward for you and your son.

You probably have a lot of strong emotions right now, and that’s ok and quite normal. Some of those emotions may feel quite uncomfortable to have. What most of us here can tell you is that it is highly unlikely you will always feel all of them as strongly as you do now ad infinitum….but the way forward is through them and that’s how we heal. Which is why it’s so wise to avoid being driven to short term reactions bc of them. And wise to avoid dating for a while too. Bc life, and you, will not always feel how it feels right now, but one’s eye is a bit skewed while it does.