[With Gods Help!]

My h was emotionally and physically abused by his step dad, h's step dad had a MLC at the age of of 45ish he had o/w moved out with her when h's mum threw him out, the affair lasted just over 2 yrs, he lived with o/w for 6 months, h's stepdad left o/w and went back to h's mum.....My h was disgusted with his step dad when this happened and told him o/w was nothing but a owr and she would not be welcome in their lives or his full blooded children lives ( stepdad as 2 kids to h's mum) how interesting that h as done exactly what he called his step dad for......i called him on what he said to stepdad, i said now o/w is the owr and will not be welcome in your familys life i said just quoting your words to your stepdad, h did not respond to this??? mmmmmmm so many similarities xxx

[limitless]

My H was not an altar boy.
He grew up with a Narcistic mother and a father (who had grown up in an orphanage).  The father would do ANYTHING to make the mother happy.
My h is the 2nd of 3 children.  His older brother was the Golden Child (adored by Mama) and his younger sister was adored by Papa.  My H was the "scapegoat."
Now, he is living with his parents.  His brother and sister got the hell out of Dodge (they live with their respective spouses far away from said Parents.  And, FINALLY, my H is NOW.....wait for it......"THE GOLDEN CHILD."
Forget that he abandoned his teenage kids and his wife (I am of no importance) - Narcissa now has my H there at her beck and call.

He didn't have to be an altar boy.  He had PLENTY to screw him up.

L

[Butterfly]

My H was not an altar boy. He was verbally and emotionally abused by an alcoholic father. Mostly emotionally abandoned and left to fend for himself. Or to deal with parent when drunk.

Butterfly

[Tsunami]

That said, I won't support my children becoming altar boys or joining the scouts - and I know that is a terrible thing to admit as a Catholic. I struggle with that and some other things in the Church.

No Sir, there is nothing wrong with you making an admission to your struggles!

When I first read this thread, I was getting ready to walk out the door to go to Mass.  I have been thinking about this all night; can't decide if we should or shouldn't stereotype priest, something makes me feel this is unfair.

All my life I went to Catholic Schools; same nuns taught me that taught my parents too.  During that time, we had fear of God put into us; not a kind and loving God.  I could write a book on the things I disagree with; one being, I did not get an annulment from my first marriage, remarried ten years later, so my present marriage of 18 years if not considered a valid marriage within the eyes of the Catholic church.

I have not gone to church for over 30 years, same issues we all have had with the Catholic church; however in December I called the church in desperation to speak to a priest.  The lady told me the younger one was very traditional, so I elected to talk with him.  This was long before MLC was brought to my attention.

When I first met him I was shocked; this man was just a kid in my eyes; however he was the most spiritual person I think I have ever met, and he has helped me so much on my journey to have a personal relationship with God. 

I've told him about smoking pot with priest and all the other crazy things I'd done raising hell with the priest back then; and also expressed my confusion with the church.  One of the priest at Notre Dame married one of my friends; so talk about being confused!  I have laid it all out there on the line with him, and he explained how at that time, 50's 60's & 70's the church went through a major transition.

Presently, I am doing what I know and what feels right to me, and I have a long way to go building my faith; take what  I feel in my heart is right, and leave all the rest to whatever they chose to believe.  In the end, it is not about your relationship with the church, it is about your relationship with God.

The topic of sexual abuse is interesting.  H literally hates his father; has had nothing to do with his family through our whole marriage.  His father was put into a nursing home a couple of weeks prior to BD.  H has had sexual issues throughout the marriage; this sounds terrible, but I have always suspected there was something that happened between he and his father.  Quite frankly, his Dad acts like he's gay too.

If I get mad at H, all I have to do is call him by his father's name; he will go insane and get furious.  I've done that recently since the BD just to see if he was still reading my emails!  LOL

What we all must remember, sexual abuse has gone on for many years, even in the bible. We have become a much more open society in the past twenty years, and it is just now being discussed openly in public and not just in the counselor's office. 

Shouldn't have gotten so crazy writing here, but I felt compelled.  Bottom line, the Catholic church in my opinion, was a shame based institution many years ago, so any of us that went to Catholic Schools, we are demented!  LOL

[In this for ME]

All this has me wondering pretty good now.
I'll have to ask EXH eventually.
I think the Catholic Church posed some unreasonable expectations of a human being to serve as a priest  to begin with. Whether they felt it would be more pious or spritual or whatever to keep men in cages sexually.

I find sex is one of the most religios experiances you can have.
BUT not with children.

Now all the religion does in essence is draws that type of behavior to it.

Denying men or men trying to deny themselves the experiance and release of being with a woman physically (even though at the time the men thought themselves fully prepared to accept that challenge) is unrealistic. IMHO.

[xyzcf]

Sorry, but the hairs are bristling at the back of my neck.

I just feel the need to defend the Catholic church a bit ..sexual abuse occurs throughout every institution in our society. In families, with teachers, coaches, in the workplace,  within churches, ( and not just Catholic ones)...I know we all know that, just needed to say it.

Another week in MLC land with no end in sight...I find mornings hard, from the time I wake up until I can get some sort of handle on my day..my mind is occupied by him, by us..wish there were some way to turn that off!

Prayers being sent to all of you and especially prayers for anyone who ever has been sexually abused, for healing and protection from their abusers (thinking about all the children connected to this site).

[LettingGo]

Sexual abuse happens in all areas of life. It is mostly perpetrated by men. It is usually with a family member or a trusted person in the community. Certain people in the community are revered and respected, such as Scout leaders and teachers. Many of the stories regarding sexual abuse by Clergy include that the family was very devout and put the priest or minister on a pedestal and thus handed their children right over to them... for overnights or "special" training. They also considered the priest or minister to be above reproach, so the child was NOT believed if they told about the abuse which then sets up the other siblings for the same abuse.

The Catholic church is guilty of COVERING UP and denying the issue of sexual abuse in their clergy. That is the issue most people have with the Catholic Church. The fact that Priests cannot marry is unnatural and priests have never been completely celibate... lots of stories of "love" children and affairs in the church. Also, many have come out and claimed that the priesthood is full of homosexual relationships between adults who wish to STAY IN THE CLOSET.... think about it... how proud your devout family would be if you were a priest INSTEAD OF GAY!! Same thing with the Nuns. A lot of studies have been done.

Now, one more thing that is extremely important to point out..... being GAY is NOT the same as child molester. People who are homosexual have relationships and families... just with someone of the same sex. Child molesters are almost always STRAIGHT, WHITE, MEN who prey on children. Sometimes, if a child was molested, they have a sexual identity crisis - causing homosexual tendencies ALONG WITH the propensity to molest, just as they were molested. I just feel that is SO important to point out. People mistakenly believe that Gays are child molesters.... just not true.

Anecdotally, when attending Mass with my MIL, invariable my "Gaydar" goes off... not a problem for ME at all!! But the DENIAL that the priest is obviously Gay because it's NOT ACCEPTABLE is what bothers me. She twists herself into a pretzel with "he's just flamboyent!"  Ok, and so was Liberace, LOL!! Liberace was a WONDERFUL pianist, by the way... AND the reason I love all of my bling, hahaha!

[limitless]

The Catholic Church, I am sure, isn't the only institution that has covered up sexual abuse.  The Church is just the most recently called out for it.  (I think you can insert Boy Scout Leaders, Teachers, Big Brothers, Coaches - etc.  Then you can get into family members).  How an adult can take advantage of a child in this way is just incomprehensible to me!
I am sure that the many good and decent priests in the Church are saddened by what has happened and the mark it has put on the Church.

Note:  I am not religious.

The discussion is very interesting.....I guess the only thing this confirms is that MLC is related to deep unresolved childhood issues.  I truly believe this is accurate.

L

[In this for ME]

I guess the only thing this confirms is that MLC is related to deep unresolved childhood issues.  I truly believe this is accurate.

I agree

[LettingGo]

Laurescan, aside from the Church, I would agree the MOST institutionalized cover up is WITHIN FAMILIES!! But your point about DEEP UNRESOLVED CHILDHOOD ISSUES resonates, obviously and it doesn't have to be abuse. I see neglect, borderline parents, parents TOO YOUNG, needy siblings, poverty, both parents working ungodly hours... ALL of these things can scar children, yet, who really ever had the Leave It To Beaver upbringing?

I know that for myself, I tend to minimize my own childhood complaints because, compared to a LOT of people, I had it REALLY, REALLY good with no major complaints!! I think my husband had it MUCH worse than me, but he had loving grandparents and lived in a small community.... for us, parental DIVORCE was the factor that gave us our abandonment issues... although there is family history of actual abandonment...

I wonder if it is worse when a child has two parents in the home, and then loses the one to divorce or death as opposed to NEVER having had two parents...

You know, life is not secure, so I wonder why we suffer so much trauma when other parts of the world are under such terrible stress from famine, wars, and genocide... still, therapists agree that just because someone elses story is worse, doesn't make yours moot. So, interesting to see how our spouses deal with these unsettled issues.... I guess the big question is "what issue could be so bad that you would RUN and HIDE fromfacing it?"