[Absolutely Fabulous]

Mine had multiple traumas: military retirement, having a hard time finding a job ( which lead to financial issues ), his father dying, a sister going through MLC, having to move out of/losing the house. Those are the things that I know of. It seemed to all hit almost at once.

I think that now he'll be going through more trauma that will or won't wake him up. Don't have a clue. But, here's what's happening and been happening for the past 3 months and will progress in the next 30 days. These have been in the past 2 months: getting visitation only with our girls, losing the house to auction because of foreclosure, the unpaid back/property taxes, a Pysch Eval, and the Divorce and child support/alimony hearing will be on the same day. Everything is going to be coming to a head by the end of September. I hope he wakes up, don't want the kids to see him fall. But, it looks like this has to happen. At least he'll probably end up in therapy throughout it all. Court ordered.

I know that this will be very traumatic considering that he's been monstering at me the whole time ( even the seducer has been showing himself ). He's a high energy replayer and seems to live in A/E mode. This is going to be the reality check that he's been running from. I feel sorry for him, because it really didn't have to be this way.

[Sha10613]

I'm a few days from 2 years since BD. We were divorced in January.  FIL recently contacted me to let me know that MIL was diagnosed with stage 4 inoperable pancreatic cancer and has been advised against chemo by 2 different oncology teams; according to them, she will not be getting better and they advised towards helping keep her comfortable towards this ending stage.

I called H after I found out to let him know that I knew and that I'm sorry. He was very open and started telling me everything that was going on with her (nursing care, palliative care team, dietician, his visit to his doctor for a check up, how his dad is doing, how he is coping with it, etc). He also thanked me and said how much he appreciated me calling and that it meant a lot. Probably the longest and most real conversation we've had since BD. I asked him if he needed anything and he said, 'no'.  About two weeks later, I sent him a text just to check in saying, 'Just want to see how you are doing?'.  No reply. That was about 1 week ago now.

MIL's terminal illness has had a huge effect on me;  who knows what effect this will have on him. Time will tell.  They were very close (at least before BD I know they were).

[Albatross]

My W come in middle life transition in year 2004, and I was enabler of her narcissistic supply and actually prolong her transformation / crisis whatever it was. So, I manage 4 years until 2008 and she suck the hell of my life energy, so I cannot sustain it anymore. And I start to withdraw from her to protect my self. She then start separation phase and that took what I know until autumn 2011 and she start E&A. She still desperately try to suck me up instead working on self. Replay start in summer 2012. her mother has diag lungs cancer. So, that could be just speed up trigger, not a cause. I strongly believe that she had PA that summer, at end of summer her father has diag of column cancer. Then she were snap and distance even more from me. Her father were cured and survive. No affect on her crisis whatsoever. Instead she start EA with remote guy. BD were in spring 2013. She start another in parallel EA and that become PA  in autumn 2013. Her mother dies at end of 2013. her death I believe push her deeper in replay, so she were possessed by devil whole 2014, her words.