[toomanytearss]

If my spouse comitted murder i believe whilst serving his time in jail love would fade an perhaps die. Would i love him regardless, likely not in the longer term.

By virtue that marriage is a contract, dont all contracts come with a condition? Dont our boundaries set conditions et etc.  Or maybe i had the wrong spouse and that has led to my belief.

Sd
X

I believe that it is because of Your personal life experience. Any of MLCers lost identity and that was not happens at once like I have identity, now I don't. They actually in my opinion never develop unique own identity, perhaps they has some kind of identity and believe that it is their identity. That means they never be able connect with self and live in honesty with self and the world. Means they felt empty and unhappy most of their life. MLC is when they can't keep up on that way anymore. How then you successfully possibly love empty person? You can love him, but there no proper genuine feedback. Then there no possibility to develop deep multilayer loving relationship, not because of You, because of him. Two people can connect as much as each of them can connect with self. Also two people can develop true love as much as each of them can love self and on that way others. Of course lower capability of connection and love is in play. Ie convoy of ships cruising with speed of  slowest ship.

So, You can be perfect human being and loving relationship with someone else would be as much  as that person can love.

I agree, my h never actually had an identity.  I have thought about this a lot.  Really looked very hard and honestly at my life and my h.  From the beginning it seems that he didn't have an identity.  It would take a lot of space to explain the reasons that I believe this so I won't go there.  I have changed all through my life, adding things to who I am or taking things away, but the main part of who I am remained and was not in question.  I do not believe my h ever had a core identity.  I think that left him vulnerable to this crisis and has made his process in it that much more difficult.

If you never knew who you were how can you have a base to work from. 

[FacePalm]

I feel like my W was the same...no identity or at least an unstable identity. Thought she was a strong Christian woman but now I realize that was a phase. And all of the other things she's done have been phases. Just like our R.  In hindsight she had all the qualities that primed her for MLC.

Wonder if she'll spend the rest of her life bouncing around or will ever commit to something long term. Funny thing is that the stability and framework I provided gave her the opportunity to play with different hobbies/lifestyles.   I'll be interested to see how her life progresses without me as her rock.