[Roma]

Hi I'm around 1 year from BD. My H doesn't normally apologize for anything. He just usually makes things right. That was pre MLC.  I have no idea if this journey will make him into the type of person that apologizes or not yet I would much prefer remorse. I would question my H in my mind if her did ever come out and say I'm sorry anyway. Hollow words.

[Watcher]

I am only 1 year in from BD. My W has shown nor remorse or regret and I know that she will not for sometime, if at all. Not one single, "I'm sorry" about anything. All your fault Watcher. The OM is a product of this bad marriage, and that is a product of you, Watcher. I fled because you had anxiety, Watcher. I have debt now because your anxiety forced me to flee, Watcher. Etc, etc, etc... 

No acknowledgment of her behavior at all. I agree, it would be meaningless to hear. She has to show it through actions.

[Velika]

These stories are interchangeable. I have heard the same: regret for "how it happened." Then basically amoral. My husband has cried a few times, but from self pity. Not out of compassion for others.

I'm surprised more of these MLCers do not commit suicide when they come out of it. I'm not sure if I could live with myself if I abandoned our son the way my husband has.

My dad's good friend may or may not have had MLC but he left his wife for another woman. They are married now. He told me that not a day goes by that he doesn't regret it. This was 20 years ago and superficially you would think he has a very sweet romance with this woman. He told me that he knows he want there for his children and that he and his first wife had a happy marriage.

My parents have some friends where the wife had a MLC that likely included a love child she wouldn't admit wasn't the husbands. She married the likely true father -- only to divorce him decades later and remarry the first husband. Rather than be happy the children were furious, likely for all the unnecessary suffering they endured in the first place.

I also think MLC involves a chemical imbalance or damage to specific region to the brain. How else to explain this almost identical behavior we see here?

[Shadoe]

First BD for me was Jan. 2015 though he stayed at home, the second was Jan. 2016 almost to the day, he moved out while I was still asleep as he was leaving for work. No word, no note.. nothing. In I think Feb/Mar there were a few I am sorry, I know I am hurting everyone I don't know  why I did xyz. But I don't feel there was any remorse or regret in any of it. He obviously didn't change his behavior and since has gone further into the tunnel.

[Anjae]

Finding Hope,

I think Mr J and I had it easy. We are both the sort who does things to show love, but we were also good with huggy-kissy. The huggy-kissy was a display of affection, the doing things of love.

We need both, and we had it. But at least I will fell overwhelmed if the huggy-kissy is too much.


In a non relationship context, I do not use huggy-kissy with anyone other than maybe with a child. I will do things. 

But with this MLC thing, huggy-kissy from Mr J is not going to do it at all. I think he knows it, and I doubt he would try huggy-kissy instead of doing things/showing with actions. The huggy-kissy can only come after.

[in it]

The ex admitted to a friend of his he made a mistake. I found that out a few months ago....that's about it.

With me it was just "big do over"..when I returned after the divorce...put your ring back on. Let's forget it even happened.

Sorry buddy I don't live in your fantasy land.

He did say he made a lot of mistakes with me..maybe he was referring to his complete disregard in most cases. Whatever it was it's a little too little way too late. Nothing he could ever say or do could change anything.

I deserve better.