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Author Topic: Discussion Benefits and Detriments to Standing

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Discussion Re: Benefits and Detriments to Standing
#20: July 22, 2010, 09:27:44 AM
Quote from: MarkedandHealed on June 22, 2010, 10:28:21 AM

In a practical sense, standing has less to do with one's commitment to the institution of marriage or a commitment to keeping one's vows.  It has all to do with pain avoidance and insulation.  The only thing that makes a stander into a non-stander is that the pain inflicted in their sitches has reached a point where the LBS says "Enough!" (when the pain inflicted reaches the LBS' tolerance level).

well said...i think that's what i'm doing/feeling right now. when someone asked me why i'm standing, i said i love my H, and i believed in my vows.....when i heard myself say it, i wasn't sure i was believable!!! ....i mean, yes i do love my H, and do believe in the commitment, but when i read this thread, i can feel that YES, this is what prompted me to stand.....pain avoidance.....

thanks, pexio :)
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Re: Benefits and Detriments to Standing
#21: September 18, 2010, 10:34:18 AM
I just read the newsletter from RCR and she was talking aabout DOORMAT behavior, and what is a DOORMAT.

I would highly recommend everyone reads that.
Since lots of us think we are doormats, and RCR's point is that STANDING is not a doormat behavior.
In general you need healthy boundaries.

Anyway I don't want to give away her whole article, so just go read the newsletter!
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Re: Benefits and Detriments to Standing
#22: March 01, 2011, 11:51:53 AM
Why do we stand? Is it for God, for our family, for a promise, for true love, for fear, for need, or because it's the least painful thing to do?

Standing isn't hanging on, it's moving on, with the option of forgiving and rebuilding a life with someone who is worth waiting for.

What do you think?
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