[ChrissYAH]

S&D I'm speaking of all home wrecking ows not specifically her, maybe she's realised the err of her ways and is making the right choice, I don't know the ow who married my husband I know for a fact couldn't give a damn what he's done (my daughter sent her a message and told her he is having a crisis) did she give a damn? NO she showed him what my daughter wrote to her and they probably both laughed at my daughters pain.

I responded to your private message 

[Songanddance]

.it is my spouse who has the fault here.

Exactly....
It is every LBSer's spouse who is to blame here.  The OW/OM can have been told a multitude of lies including that the MLCer was divorced when they weren't. 
It's the infamous line " we're not together any more" that usually starts it!  Look at how vague that line is...  And guess who says it? The MLCer!

[ChrissYAH]

.it is my spouse who has the fault here.

Exactly....
It is every LBSer's spouse who is to blame here.  The OW/OM can have been told a multitude of lies including that the MLCer was divorced when they weren't. 
It's the infamous line " we're not together any more" that usually starts it!  Look at how vague that line is...  And guess who says it? The MLCer!

OH FOR SURE! I blame my x more than I do the ow, he went out looking for her he went out searching for something 'better'

[Mitzpah]

When my h. started his short vanishing phase, (he is much more of an "on-off-er" turn boomerang at times ), he got out a loan (in his name only) at the bank and a few years later I found the application forms at home. He put himself down as "separated" - this was three weeks after BD and he was still living at home, sleeping in the same bed as me .

So, they lie to themselves, also, it is well known that our marriages are over at BD according to their way of thinking, I guess they can be pretty convincing to the OP telling them that they are in the final stages of divorce. My h. only managed to divorce me four years after BD.

That didn't stop him from considering himself married to OW, wearing a wedding ring for her, all the while when he was still legally married to me.

It is definitely much more on our spouses than on the other person.

The OW in our case knew me, she chose to believe what my h. fabricated about our marriage for whatever reason... she is probably a damaged person, I don't know. I prefer to pray for her and at the same time pray that she be removed from my h.'s life in God's timing. She is not the enemy.

 

[Nas]

Personally I love the vanisher threads and would like to see this thread back to its roots.

I'll take us back.  I'm disgusted with my off and on/vanisher lately.  Cycling through some anger and working my way out of it.  How does a man find out his wife has cancer and just hide away and not even ask how she's doing.  It's sickening, the level of self-absorption and denial these MLCers are in. 

[nah]

Nas-

I really wish I had a good answer for that one.

All I can say, is the guilt and shame due to their own actions/ inactions hopefully will hit them like a brick in the face someday.

[MsMedfly]

I'm still somewhat pissed that puffy didn't even bother to acknowledge my text....

Vanishers poke their little pea heads out, just long enough for what I suspect was a drunken text..

But vanish soooooo quickly, they cannot respond...

I do wonder what s has shared with him... S is sooo distant from me right now. I have no clue if he's in contact with his dad.. My son is like a mini vanisher... He tells me nothing if he contacts me at all. I'm only interested in what s tells puffy he's up to. We can't compare s stories....

New thread: http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9428.0