[Rising Phoenix]

I agree living, the silence is worse than the coming and going. I think I could have coped better in the beginning  as we had 3 mths no contact and I was doing great and so were the kids.
The comings and goings took their tole as well as the constant cake eating and empty promises so that the vanishing has hid harder on myself and my kids.

What I find I resent is I have no help with an autistic child and that a father who would of died for his family has discarded them to the point of even blocking them on Xbox and PS4, cancelling their Netflix and changing his no so they are unable to text. He didn’t even ring or text them on xmas day or right their names in xmas cards.

I find he does these things when I do a bit more in the divorce procedure as I no longer rise to anything so he can not punish me anymore so he punishes Kids. Plus he is in teenage mode of they don’t text me so I’m not texting them!
As others have said who knows what they are thinking or doing. We have to carry on

I am still cycling but mainly I run on anger and waiting for indifferent. Xx

[Tyks]

Living with hope, I dont think we will ever understand, unfortunately. They are just gone and we really have to get on with our lives. My h would never have filed for divorxe. He told me that he didnt want one as he would not be getting married anytime soon?? and then he chuckled. Nice.

The real reason is that he was too lazy to do it, just as he was in our whole marriage.

I filed at the one year mark of him leaving. At first i filed bc I thought it would shake him up. Nope. I had to do the second step of the process and i did it about three weeks ago. There was no rush as I had a year to do it but I did it for me. I did it to take my power back and I did it so that i can freely move on if i choose to do so.

He started this whole mess and I finished it bc I do not want to be married to a man who did not want to be married to me.

Do I miss him? I miss the man he was. Did I want to be divorced and starting my life over at this age? Nope, but I did not have a choice. It is what he wants and I will not stand stand in his way in his pursuit of happiness

Good luck to u!!

[living with Hope]

Mine is a do'er.  He makes a list and he doesn't go to bed at night until everything is crossed off.
This is why I don't understand the need to not divorce. 


Is it the money? Is it that he doesn't want to fully committ to this person.   He can use me as an excuse.  I know he tells everyone the reason is because we are still working on a settlement. Ha!  I have seen a proposal over a year ago and no person would have accepted it.  It was a flat out no. Nothing to negotiate there.  We waited for a response from his lawyer and none ever came.

By her social media, she is in love and he is her soulmate and they are destined to be together forever.  She posts non stop and claims him as her man.  Is that to get me to do it?  I never react to these postings. I normally hear about it from the kids who lurk or by friends.  I will admit to peaking when it was my birthday (we share a birthday the OW and I....and it turns out my H shares one with her deceased Father........twisted)

[Nas]

Wow, living, we have very similar stories. Mine is also a vanisher now after being a clinger and an off and on. Changed his phone number while I’m in chemo.
I too have spent money I don’t have trying to get a divorce that he keeps stalling on. Haven’t seen him in 21 months.  Haven’t had contact since he texted me happy birthday 6 morning baths ago. Couldn’t contact him now even if I wanted to because I don’t know his new number and he hasn’t checked his email in many months.

[Rising Phoenix]

Same nas and living although am far behind at 6 mths of a vanisher
Perhaps that’s the norm for clingers to vanish. H has vanished at the 3 yr mark.

Ow aswell thinks twin flames, one soul come together. I too won’t stand in his way.
It’s my children that hurts me, that he can vanish from them also with out a backward glance. Xx

[Milly]

Mine, too, was a boomerang, clinger, then vanisher since the 2.5 year stage, so just an average MLCer by the sounds of it. Mine too claims we're negotiating his separation. It will be 3 years this month since he first brought us in front of a judge to get separation which is the first step towards a divorce in Italy. Not yet legally separated. I have to say that this is not the usual separation situation. It will be 4 years since BD for me in May so I know the 'no expectations' and I am quite comfortable with it now. I know it means nothing as far as reconciling, but it does mean something as far as what kind of a split up we have.

If they just wanted to be done with us because they are in love and have moved on, we would all be divorced immediately. I know that if I fall in love with someone else, the first thing I'll do is cut my H off immediately, however much it costs me financially. Right?

That's not to say that if some of you have H who did divorce you immediately, that you are not still looking at a MLC. Once of the many things I've learned from HS, is that there are many varieties of MLCers. Not getting divorced immediately is just one of the clues.

Right now my H is not contacting my S13 either. That means OW is with him. It's just something I've figured out over time. I have finally worked out that it's best to leave him be while he's under her influence. I do reach out now and again, every month/2months but if he doesn't answer, I leave it. 

[Rising Phoenix]

I have stopped reaching out as I really needed his help with son 14 in January and go no reply to my email so that’s it for me.

With regard to fb quotes I feel the saying “those that do protest to much” springs to mind, but perhaps I’m wrong and he is blissfully happy. I never felt the need during our marriage to profess our love on social media. The occasional happy b day to my husband or happy Father’s Day was about it.

I now deliberately don’t put anything on fb even regarding the children as it gives them a window into our lives. 

Ow last fb quote last week was 7 signs to true happiness. No 3 was don’t have life partners that everyone expects you to have and no 4 get rid of toxic relationships, both I believe aimed at me. Also a post about anger destroys you and burn bay leaf to help with stress. Perhaps he is stressed and angry.

I believe that if all is happy and blissful you don’t need to advertise it and if you do then you are not as secure with you’re stolen man as you want people to believe, but that’s just me perhaps . Xx

New thread:  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9851.0