[Rising Phoenix]

Do you know how many affairs I could've had over the years? I don't wanna be that guy (this was the day before I found the emails)

Oh yes, I had “ I was the most loyal husband ever”
Really then why are you having an affair?

[bluerose]

    Here goes:

     I never loved you.
     I should have never married you.
     I only married you because you got pregnant.( he proposed to me the first before i got pregnant.)
     We have never been friends.
      We have no passion.
     I want a partner in crime.
      We are on different roads and have nothing in common.
    I want to be in love again
      These woman are just friends.
       I want my freedom.
     You have no personality.
      Sure you have lost weight but your flabby.
      It would cost alot for you to have the body i want.
       You are useless and i have never been proud to callyou my wife.

       There is more but its upsetting me just to write this.

[Rising Phoenix]

Bluerose, it’s awful what they have said to us. Sometimes I think the things they have said are worse than the vanishing xx

[Nas]

Mine called me "less than."  And when I got diagnosed with advanced cancer, he disappeared, stopped contacting and then changed his phone number.  Because I guess I'm really defective now. 

Initially I got "I'm unhappy and don't know why."
Then ILYBINILWY.
Then he said he'd been afraid of me for 16 years (our entire relationship).

At one point before he moved away to live with OW, he said I was a good person and he wasn't.  That was the closest I ever got to any recognition that it wasn't about me and he's never said anything like that since.  And now he's completely gone so who knows what he's thinking. 

[MsMedfly]

Having to listen to all of their f'd up reasons has to be the single hardest part.... Going from not having a clue something is wrong, to literally everything you do, including breathing too loud, is now a bone of contention...  And it's always OUR fault...

I simply stopped listening. It hurt too much to hear that my sleeping with the tv on was destroying his life. Such stupidity and absolutely some of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard..TURN IT OFF Y'ALL!! Do not listen to their garbage and projection.... They will attempt to bring you down with every single insult. And NONE of it's true. Trying to shut it off seems impossible.. But trust me, your mental health is WORTH far more than the lies they want you to believe.....

My fave from the puffer:  "I love you, I care about you, I can't live with you, you don't understand my porn addiction."....

Seriously... You cannot make this stuff up. I have a list of the "reasons"... they aren't worth reviewing.. Not a single one is about me, in anyway... Still isn't... S just informed me that his dad has a problem... He is always sleeping with the tv on!!!

LMAO!!!

 

[Rising Phoenix]

Ms that made me laugh! Xx

[If_only]

It made me laugh too because sadly it is true!!! ☹️

[living with Hope]

I had a clinger and a boomerang and now I have a vanisher.
He has been gone for just over 6 years and has gone no contact for almost  a year and half.  I don't even remember what his voice sounds like.  He is living the high life  with his latest OW. She pronounced them together for 2 years on social media.  Funny he was with his family when supposedly they got together and working towards repair and reconcilliaton with me.  She has been told about him and she doesn't believe it.  She is saving him.  She tells anyone who will listen how I am in love with him and won't leave him alone.  I think in that year and half, I have contacted him maybe 4 times..one to tell of a death in the family, one to tell him to divorce me (when I found out about her), two about missing funds in the account (separate times) .   He only answered me about the missing funds.

Here is the question that has been haunting me for months now - why does he not divorce me?  If he is so happy in his new life, his new relationship, why does he not divorce?

I know he has morphed himself into an ambitious businessman with her. They are out constantly networking and going to fancy events and travelling as this is what is important to her. This is not the man I know.  Maybe it is who he wanted to be.  I have no idea. I just know before he was all about the Family and spending time together and fancy events did not interest him in the least.

You would think she would want him divorced? no?  She has since summer posted lots on an open social media platform that one would think she is sending messages. My kids think she is. Her ex thinks she is sending them to both me and him.  In them, she always is claiming that he is her man.  Her children do not like him. They ask her to not have him around so much and her answer to them is " you don't want Mommy to be all alone in life do you? You will grow up and leave me, you stay with your Dad for a week at a time, you don't want me to be alone."

My one child has never met her and told his Father he would not meet her until he repairs with his siblings.  My other two have not seen their Father in a long time. One is coming up to 2 years and the other 4. 

one would think a divorce would help him pave the way back to his children also?  I know at Hallowee, Christmas and in the new year, the one child's interactions with him caused major drama within our home and really has strained all the relationships within our house.  It is so toxic the games, the MLC play. He is oblivious to how his actions create such a ripple and have such destruction.  He is too busy on OW2 and continuting his lifestyle.

I don't get it.



I stood for my marriage. I still love my husband but I love a ghost. 

 

[Rising Phoenix]

Hi living,
I’m sorry I have no answer as I too had a clinging boomerang who has now vanished as ow ultimatum when caught with me his wife! He threatened divorce many times and when I finally filed he went mad and begged me to withdraw which I did.

I can only think that a clinging boomerang puts it off as they want to return at some point. A vanisher I don’t know. I believe he has now filed due to ow ultimatum and identical to your h it sounds, they then cut off everything including their children. He has no one other than ow and the few friends she has. He has even fallen out with ow parents due to previously being a clinger.

I can’t inagine how hard it must be after a yr and a half of no contact. I struggle everyday that I have nothing from him but I get on with my life for my children. I still find it unimaginable that I will never see his face, or hear his voice ever again and neither will his children.
I believe possibly a vanisher doesn’t divorce unless the ow doing it for him if she is determined to want our place as wife. Ow2 may not want that as she has been married. My h ow has never been married or had children so is desperate for my position as wife. My h ow puts lots of love quotes and signs of this and that posts but in 3 yrs only 2 pics of him and her.

In the end we have no idea as they havr shut us out completely. Xx

[living with Hope]

I have gotten to the point that I don't want to see him. 
I don't want to share any family moments with him anymore.  I struggle with how will I ever be able to attend our children's wedding or any occasion that might warrent both of us being there.  Right now, I don't think I could manage it.

I think it is the vanishing act, the complete silence, the utter disrespect he has shown for our 25 years together and for our family.   It is so difficult to fathom.  This behaviour to me is worse than when he was coming in and out.

I tried to get divorced, ( I didn't want it but didn't see how he could come back from OW2 and what he had done. So it was the only thing to do.)   he stalled and stalled. I was throwing funds we didn't have at nothing. I decided to not pursue any further. I thought his OW would push him and then it would get done.  It has been over a year.  He stopped the first round after OW1.  (Back then he was a tattoo getting, drug and party boy..oh how they change based on the OW)  He filed the first time because of OW1. 

I am struggling again with this all.  I would love to understand.  Not sure it would help me but I would love to nontheless.