[BrenM]

Just wow Anjae....do you not read your posts before you press reply?  Sorry for following along on the old timers thread...something I have done since you started the thread.  I was not aware that "entry" to this thread had a prerequisite of 5+ years.  Guess I am still a Newby in your eyes at almost 4 years and my experience is irrelevant?  Wow Anjae....I am seriously concerned about you!


Yes I understand that after 12 years, in your eyes, you believe you are an expert in MLC....even though your husband has not come out of the tunnel.  You have no children so effectively have no ties with your H. Yes you win the medal for having the longest MLCer....is that what you are seeking to hear?   I didn't think there were any winners in MLC.  It certainly is not something that I would want anyone to experience and do not see anything around MLC as a competition.  Quite the contrary.

 Yes some of your posts are very enlightening, but others are attacking and come across very dictating of your "opinions".  If you do not agree with someone's post you belittle them.

I read in absolute disgust last week of your correspondence absolutely tearing strips off another poster - it was her personal thread .  I don't normally post but read, but I felt compelled to reply in defence of this poor woman.  It was absolutely disgusting and sounded extremely bitter Anjae.  Your conduct was atrocious and very sad.  I have not seen any further posts from that poster.  Now you are at it again not only on this post but others.  Why?  What is going on with you?  This is not what this forum is about.

"The Hero's Spouse Forum offers an understanding and supportive community along with a peer mentor program to guide you through the trauma of your spouse's midlife crisis and infidelity. Join us and meet friends who understand what you are going through"

Yes in your opinion you may say things as they are....but please read your posts prior to pressing reply.  We as a community want to support and show compassion to as many fellow LBS's as possible.  This is the place where LBS's come for refuge and to correspond with others who understand, something that many cannot do in RL. 

We want this community to grow in numbers so that we all can learn further about MLC, not have numbers dwindle due to LBS's being somewhat intimidated.   We all have different stories and situations.  All have had a devastating affect on many.  No winners Anjae.

Don't get me wrong Anjae, I normally enjoy reading your posts....your posts where you show compassion and are not dictating.  Something is not right with your recent replies to various posters.  I hope that you take this constructive criticism onboard for your future posts, so that every LBS can follow and learn from "your" journey to date.

[Anjae]

Bren, the title of this thread is Old Timers Thread 3.

If you are not comfortable with that Old Timers say and the way we think, don't read our thread.

I am not able to understand your ultrage at what Learning and I wrote about our experiences as Old Timers, in a thread for Old Timers. Should we had lied and said yes, our memories of our MLCer/marriage remain as present as ever? Don't think so.

It is a fact that, not that long ago, HS had members far more to the point and blunt than now. I am pale in comparison.

It is fact DGU used to ask people point black "what is the part of MLC you do not understand". You would probably react bad to it, but that was what he used to ask people. He was, and remains, one of the most respect members of HS.

The fact that a spouse has not come out of MCL has nothing to with with the LBS. MLC pertains to the MLCer, not the LBS. As it in the articles and always left very clear in HS.

[BrenM]

Anjae...I will not get into a "Keyboard Warrior" style correspondence with you (although I get the opinion that you would thrive on that path).  I posted my thoughts in my last post.  I stand not alone with my opinions, with many posters fearing posting.  That is very sad.  I hope for every LBS on HS that you take this advice on the chin....and as I would say to my children "pull your head in".

I am very comfortable with what content this thread has, but I didn't realise that this thread was based on Anjaes opinions only and if you disagree watch out! Maybe you should rename it to "Anjae opinions only" and save HS readers the time and effort in opening the thread?   There is definitely no "our" in the recent direction of the postings.

Interesting that you should state the wording that if I am not happy with the thread then don't read it....I do believe you were told that last week when you abused another LBS on her personal thread.

I hope that this thread and others get back on track.  And aim at supporting every single LBS - new or old.....we can all definitely learn from each other.

[Thunder]

Oh wow, what makes an Old Timer?  Good question Bren.

Is it 5 or more years?  I don't know the answer to that.  I never felt like an old timer until after 5 years.
I had been through the BD, the replay and the divorce..and maybe some big decisions in my life.

It honestly took me 5 years to get through this all, not sure.  I never really thought about it, I just knew I was one of the Old timers.  I'm thinking Nah may feel the same, but I don't want to speak for her.

I my humble opinion an old timer is someone has reached some clarity with all this and feels they can give constructive advice.
If I didn't feel that I would not give advice, only support.

Like OP says, knowledge is power.

[Anjae]

Oh wow, what makes an Old Timer?  Good question Bren.

Is it 5 or more years?  I don't know the answer to that.

It is, Thunder. It was left clear when several HS member asked for this thread (the number one) to be started. It was even talked about on the first thread.

Old Timers wanted a place to talk and debate issues that people with MLCers with shorter crisis don't face. As HS goes by, 5 years may not even be an Old Timer since we are starting to have several LBS whose MLCer has been in crisis for far more than 5 years.

[OldPilot]

As HS goes by, 5 years may not even be an Old Timer since we are starting to have several LBS whose MLCer has been in crisis for far more than 5 years.

Does 10 qualify?

[stayed]

I don't understand why you are so upset with Anjae Brenross.  What are you accusing her of?  Not once did Anjae say that you should feel this way, she didn't imply that in TIME you would also feel this way.  She simply said, "this is how I feel NOW!".... as did LearningIamok.  They never suggested this should be your goal.  They never said, EVERYBODY eventually feels this way... they said... "I'm really surprised that now, in 2018 I can barely remember my spouse.... it is like they were never in my life.  This is their opinion, their "feelings" NOT YOURS.... THEIRS!

Neither of these ladies feel the need to make up stuff, pretend that they are still devastated by this event .... not any longer.  Both ladies have found a place in their lives where they are finally at PEACE with all of this.  That isn't your experience Brenross so far, maybe it will never be the way you feel.  That is fine.  They didn't say EVERYBODY eventually feels this way... they said... catagorically, this is the way "I FEEL" about our x's. 

Well done Anjae and LearningImOk.  Good for both of you for speaking YOUR TRUTH!  This forum supports everybody the best way they can.  Sorry that you feel your needs have not been met. Brenross.  For me, I want HONEST comments.  I want to know how people are truly feeling now, at whatever stage their MLCer is at.  I'm just delighted to hear that Anjae and LearningImOk are in a good place and feeling like their life is THEIRS. 

Hugs Stayed

[Anjae]

Does 10 qualify?

It does. 

1, 2, 3, 4 years do not. Even 5, like Nah says on the first thread, she is not sure if at 5.5 she qualified. I think it does. However, what is long term when there are people at 10 or more years? 5 would be half of 10. Therefore, maybe middle?

Still, from five onwards it has been a long time.

Lets not start to take this thread where it does not belong to. It was asked to be created for a reason and it was. Lets leave it for Old Timers to talk about their issues, how they fells as their journey goes on, etc.

I'm just delighted to hear that Anjae and LearningImOk are in a good place and feeling like their life is THEIRS. 

Thank you Stayed.

Things did change for me. You, and everyone that was and still is around know it was a long, difficult process. Now I feel the way I wrote. It would not make sense not to say what/how I feel.

Can it change? It can. Nothing is static. But I like my now.

Learning also has her truth and her changes and I think the same goes for many of us. MLC has movement, albeit when it comes to the MLCer is seems snail passed, and the same is true of the LBS journey. 

Each of us will take whatever time we will, each of us may end up feeling differently, but none of us will be the same as time goes by.

[stayed]

Each of us will take whatever time we will, each of us may end up feeling differently, but none of us will be the same as time goes by.

True 'dat! 

Have a great life Anjae… you deserve it.

Stayed

[Anjae]

Have a great life Anjae… you deserve it.

Thank you, Stayed.