[Nas]

That’s what I always say, if you wanted a better role in my autobiography, you should’ve played a better role in my life.

[Tyks]

Just sitting here today on this drab drab weather weekend and thinking about the old days. Huddled up in the family room with hustle and bustle with the kids, pets and xh wondering what comforting food to have for dinner. Here I am all alone in a dark house without any of that reheating lasagna. Whatever, this is the new normal. But it got me wondering about how these ows and oms live with themselves living our lives and how do they sleep at night. I don't think that question will ever be answered.

[Rising Phoenix]

My father had an affair, actually he had several and left with the last one. One of his conquests was my mums best friend. Somehow my mum has remained friends with her and once asked her if she ever thought about my mum while she was sleeping with my father! My mum said that her friend looked shocked and said no! I didn’t think about you or your feelings at all. I just thought about myself and what I wanted. Which she didn’t actaully get! Xx

[nah]

I don't think the other people think about us, but I'm sure our husbands do. 

[Nas]

I think it's probably very rare for an OW to think about the wife, unless it's to demonize or blame her.  I recently was profoundly affected by a post on another forum where an LBS admitted that she and her MLC H had gotten together as a result of an affair.  Her H had left his first wife for her 30 years ago.  She posted that she felt that her H, due to his MLC, was just now facing what he'd done to his first wife.  She posted in detail about how her H told her that when he presented his first wife with D papers, she sobbed and begged him not to do it. 

She spoke about how she felt maybe she was being "punished" now for the fact that it was an affair that brought her and her H together.  But I didn't sense that she had any real empathy for the first wife.  Not once did she write anything about true remorse or wanting to make amends.  She wrote that her H needed to forgive himself, but she never said he needed to make amends to first wife.  And she's been posting for years as an LBS and never once mentioned this until now.  For 30 years she was married to her H and presumably never once thought about his first wife.  And she's only thinking of the first wife now because now her H has left her for OW.

It only solidified my belief that people don't feel remorse for what they've done as long as things are going well for them.   

[Ready2Transform]

It only solidified my belief that people don't feel remorse for what they've done as long as things are going well for them.

PREACH! It's easy even for healthy people to focus on the present successes and happiness when there isn't a block to it. How many more of us would move on faster if there weren't strung out divorces and settlements looming that kept these people in our lives? Work into that an unhealthy person who is actively ditching their prior life. After the first year or two where there was some limbo and something to be gained from monstering at me, I think my xH absolutely put me and anything about our life out of mind. He was surrounded by other drama and that is what he likes. I saw him do it with other friends and situations during the course of our relationship, and I feel confident that it went that way with me as well. This is a man who never repaid a debt. He had no intention of making *this* the time that changed, and the sooner he could forget it, the better.

[bluerose]

      I dont think these ow' s think about anyone else but them selves. They go after what they want and they destroy everything in their paths to get it. They dont care how they get it and dont stop until they do.
     The ow in my story has been saying things about my children and now my mother. I know this because my sister is friends with one of tbe ows friends and the ow dont know that my sister knows this woman.  She said , quite recently, that it is a good thing that the coward left me when he did because if i end up looking anything like my mother as i get older he wouldnt want anything to do with that. My mother is 67 and had a little bout with cancer this year.
       She said that my s23 uses the coward. S23 has his own place with his future wife and their 1 year old son. He takes very good care of them both. Hecis the boss of his own crew at the framing company he works for and is one of the youngest bosses they have ever had.
      She said that s21 only talks to the coward when he wants something. When is it wrong to ask your parent for advice or help with something. He has stopped asking because he knows he wont get it.
        She has said thst d13, who will become d14 on Monday, has no manners and with just a little more work d13 will mot want to come for weekend visits any more. The ow is intentionally masking her miserable behind the cowards back. .
      S23 and d13 confronted the coward about this tuesday night.  The ow of course denied it and he defended her. D13 has been telling him how much she hates the ow and her kid and he doesnt hear her. He dodges every complaint this child has. I would feel lime a loser if one of my kids said to me that they didnt respect or trust me and that is exactly what d13 told him.
       During this arguing, through text of course, d13 let it slip that the coward and the ow became engaged earlier this year and will be married in the spring.  D13 has known since july but didnt know how to tell me without hurting me. I couldnt be with someone knowing that didnt at least like my kids. The coward has said to me and the kids how much he cant stand her kid. The ow obviously doesnt want my kids around which is fine with me. I dont believe that the coward even knows that she is saying these things and how she really feels about them and yet they are getting married.
         This is really a sick and disgusting thing that they are doing to everyone involved.

[Treasur]

I hope your kids feel strong enough to stick to their truth and set some boundaries.
And it tells you the character of the person he is planning to marry....looks like a big dollop of karma for your xh to me.
And hopefully your kids will feel less pressure to pretend fake happy families...so he loses his kids too and you get more of them...another nice bit of karma right there.

[Rising Phoenix]

I hear you blue. I don’t know how the ow are more important than our children and they don’t hear the children. My children have told h how they feel as ow posts on social media about me most days and yet I do nothing. I don’t retaliate as I am better than her and I don’t need to be that childish.

Tbh I prefer h out of our lives completely but that is up to the children as he has popped up again.  I will wait for the next abandonment and pick up the pieces when he lets them down which seems to be starting with a couple of days! I always said I would never stop them seeing their father but if he vanishes from them again I will have to seriously think before I let him be in contact again. Xx

[bluerose]

Karma would be great and about time. I must admit though hearing they were getting married did hurt. Not as much as a year or to ago but a little bit. The coward told d13 rhat it felt like his kids dont want him around. She said he seemed upset, sad and depressed last time she seen him. D13 did set a boundary. She told him that she didnt want to come to his house any more if the ow and her kid was there.  He said that he wpuld have them leave for the weekend if it would help. A year ago in the parenting time assessment he said that he could not ask her to leave her home when d13 xame on the weekends. Why the change of heart? He doesnt understand that d13 feels no emotional connection with him. Dunny, that was one of the reasons he gave as to wjy he was leaving me. I would rather he be out of their lives completely also. Im sick of watching my kids be hurt and let down all the time. Im terrified that s21 is going to turn more to drugs and alcohol. Which both are a problem in the cowards family. His biological father was an alcoholic who beat his mother and we buried his 24 uear old half brother from a cocaine and heroin overdose. It just keeps getting worse.