[Ready2Transform]

FYI - now that you're no longer married, opening mail addressed by him is a federal crime. Do yourself a favor and just write "not at this address" on the envelope.

I appreciate the fact that this is all a fresh pain. I'm pretty diplomatic. I want to encourage you not to set yourself up to be the "bad guy" vs nice OW in your son's eyes. That would be a bigger loss in all of this for you. It's his shirt - he's 15. Let him make his own choices, and he'll choose you.

[xyzcf]

One thought I had MG, you have MS.

I think you would know that diseases such as MS are exacerbated by stress BUT there are many things you can do to turn down the volume of stress in your life. Your health is in your hands, if you choose.

Now I suspect you will retort that the stress is your husband's fault and OW's fault...but actually, the response that you continue to exhibit is nobody's fault but your own.

If you value your health, you may wish to take what has been said to you and think carefully about the quality of life that you want to have.

Throwing away your son's shirt is not right. It belongs to him, not to you.

Opening your husband's mail is also not right. Until mail stopped coming to the house (and it took a long time) I had printed  address labels with his address on them and redirected anything to him. You can also notify the post office. However, to this day I still receive some of his mail, usually because the organization that has his old address doesn't seem to know how to change it.

[megogirl]

FYI - now that you're no longer married, opening mail addressed by him is a federal crime.

Actually, we *are* still married.  We've settled on all the financials, so now just waiting for Judge to rule, then an official decree or whatever.  All legal semantics, but still....plus God couldn't care less what's filed, and when....

[in it]

I agree with Ready2 about the shirt 

I have no idea why he would have sent them to your address unless maybe he used a credit card that the statement still comes there or is registered with Ticketmaster in some form that way. Ticketmaster usually makes it pretty clear and mail is from them with their logo at the top left. It was addressed to him and you didn't order any tickets right? You are aggravating yourself again.

Even as livid as I was at the ex for what he did to me I still sent something to him in the mail he ordered through Paypal that was sent up with my PO box.

I did let him know in a note to change the address with Paypal and if anything else came in the mail I was keeping it.

IMHO Don't text or call him if you have an address for him. An Option: Send him the tickets in an envelope with certified return receipt. It's expensive but you'd have proof you sent them. I don't think with opened mail you can just write "not at this address" and reseal it with tape and put it in the mail. Or ask at the Post Office.

Include a note that tells him to change the address for his mail.

[Mortesbride]

I agree about the shirt.

That was your son's and you are gonna hurt him, not OW by throwing it out. I understand the need but..


The tickets? What tickets?! I never got any...

[Whyus]

MG, opening his mail was wrong (though i did it too  )... you have recieved enough 2x4s because of the t-shirt already.

Do you have somebody you could take to the Concert? OK, its theft if you look really closely but look at all the Things (hopes, dreams, Futures, plans, securitys, finances, homes.... etc.) MLCers take from us.
Take a friend to the concert and have a night out at his expence, firetruck it, he doesnt Need to know that the tickets are at your house.

[megogirl]

Wellll......the t-$h!te is still in the trash.  In all honesty, I tossed it out of anger, but also know that S15 won't even NOTICE that it's missing.  I know this kid

As for the tix?  They're still downstairs....since I have almost a year to decide what to do in the interim, I will happily make him squirm. 

Just knowing that I can Yuck his Yum on a whim gives me great satisfaction.....

[barbiedoll]

Yuck his Yum

I am not sure what language this is or what it could remotely mean?  Explain?  Slang?

[megogirl]

Well I think it's pretty straightforward, but I'll elaborate.....Yuck his yum would be synonymous with burst his bubble, crush his rainbow, etc.

[barbiedoll]

Yes indeed Mego, now that you have clarified , it makes perfect sense ...most bizarre saying I have ever heard. Regardless, it would seem then it is fair to say the the goal of your actions is for redemption. To passive-aggressively poke, dig at, hit below the belt verbal slaps, trite comments etc , is to apply some sort of punishment for all the pain his MLC has caused you. I am not sure how you relate to people like this in the real world , but my emotional radar tells me to stay away from them. I suspect your husband is now convinced that leaving you was the smartest thing he ever did ... you keep handing him proof. Now , before you twist it all around and say " who cares this, who cares that, not standin, never said this, never said that etc "  and apply some childish sarcasm to your response ...think about this . You have ( and continue to) sabatoge your stand or of ever having a return story to tell . You blindly are jeoparadizing the emotional health and wellbeing of your son . I know ..you will deny deny deny. So your thread title is very apt... " What Now?" . Good question. I believe "standing" may have a bleak ending as who is drawn back to or closer to this type of behavior? . I do NOT see anger ...something much darker and manipulative is at play here . I suggest you listen more and sarcastically "shoo" people away less ...but I do not believe you have the ability to do that . That is very sad as everyone has turned themselves inside out on the thread , all in effort to help you ( ahhh... right. You did not ask for "help" ) . I have zero faith you can change your thinking or approach . So now what ??