[Thunder]

Mego, you may want to see the exchange between RCR and Chump Lady here:

https://www.chumplady.com/2012/07/the-mid-life-crisis-made-me-do-it-really/

You can see their dialog at the bottom of the post.

[Onward]

But your question was how do you respond to naysayers.  Well, I'd argue that in your case, those naysayers are probably really confused.  You're seething with anger and spewing nasty statements about people paying in the afterlife and wanting people to die in fires, and yet you're standing for your marriage.  I think any clear thinking person would see the rigid dichotomy between your searing hatred and your hope for a restored marriage and be utterly perplexed.

And as one last thought, you said:

Your stand can't even be based solely on the fact that you share a son. 

I beg to differ......

I Stand for our family unit that he is trying so desperately to demolish.  And bringing home some lowlife slime ball is only aiding and abetting in doing just that.

See, neither he, nor she, gets a free pass from me, Standing-Not Standing-whatever. 

But hey, I didn't call her a prostitute, either!

a) I stood for quite some time and many others are standing who don't have any children.  I completely respect wanting children to have a solid family unit.  I completely respect wanting the LBchildren to learn lessons in patience and compassion and the unconditionals. 
So I'll say again, your son is watching.  And hearing.  Your anger, your sarcasm, your insults...they are all born of hurt, and we ALL get that.  But if you don't get a handle on it, it's only going to hurt you more.  Your MLCer and the OW right now don't care and it's not hurting them.  It's hurting you.
b) actually, you called her a prostitute on Ready's thread.  And heck, I don't really care, you can call her whatever you darn well please.  But she didn't act alone, she didn't hold a gun to his head, and the advice to read the article on misdirected anger at the OW is good and you'd benefit from taking it. 

The anger is warranted.  It's a stage that we all have to go through, but if you get stuck there, no one benefits, least of all you.

So in summary, here's my response to the actual question you posed in this discussion thread - and it's pretty circular: You don't have to tell anyone you're standing.  It's your choice.  But if you do and you come across naysayers, they are likely to be confused as to why you are saying you're standing for something that clearly has you so enraged and disgusted. 
Which brings us right back to getting a handle on the anger.

^^^^^^
What Nas said.
Exactly this.

(BTW, you did say you sent a text to your S -- while he was at Thanksgiving dinner - saying "I hope you aren't hanging out with prostitutes". So to coyly claim you haven't called OW that is a little self-delusional. And falsely accuses her. While you covet her time with the xH and the ILs you don't honour. While making Standing into an idol.
But I digress.
And need to reel in my own gift for biting remarks.
Just goes to show I need to keep looking in the mirror too. Sigh.)

ANYway, MGG, you did ask what covenant keepers to about the naysayers. I agree with Nas.

I don't call myself a covenant-keeper per se, but I do live as one.
It's been 4.5 years since BD and departure.

Legally (and emotionally) I am still married, so ....I live like a married person. It's as simple as that.

And I tell others........nothing.

Other people don't bring it up because nobody cares. They assume all is done.
If I ever have a discussion with someone, they might find my choice an odd curiosity. But they respect it.

Every now and then members of his family, or mine, or friends, will ask 'Are you divorced (yet)?'
And I say no. End of story.
They might ask if I am dating.
I say "No, not while I'm married".
They might look at me funny. And then we change the subject.
They assume I am an adult, and can make my own decisions. Period.

I don't have to address a lot of naysayers because this is simply a choice I've made for how I will be in the world. It's my choice, and no-one else's concern.
I don't wear it like a badge of honour.
And I don't take it on as a crusade, either.
The only people I talk about H with anymore are LBS friends. And I don't really have to tell them anything because they already get it.

[terrified_in_TN]

...

I have found some of her articles interesting, but I also found her personally quite a bitter, man hater myself.  But that's just me.  I never hated my H.

Just a preference, I suppose.

I would NEVER deliberately recommend her site to anyone who truly wants to reconcile with their spouse, but there are a few who maybe would benefit from her advise to toss their spouse aside and need the support from her site.

I say to each his own.

Thank you Thunder for recognizing the advice for what it was, and what it WASN'T.

As I've said many times, I try to see things objectively as best as I can.  I have read HS, AND chump lady, and for *ME*, reality is somewhere in between.  I believe HS is not for everyone, and I also believe CL is not for everyone.

She does come across bitter, but you have to understand HER truth.  And a lot of her followers mirror her experience.  For example, I *believe* in her case 6 months after she married her H, the OW made her presence known...This OW had been having a R with CL's H for many, many years.  Her m was a farse right from the start.  And there are posters that found out their spouse had been living double lives for the ENTIRE marriage.  In THOSE cases, I don't think HS fits.

I also agree that it is NOT a site for standers.  NOT AT ALL.  However, if your heart has hardened, it may be easier to 'process' by reading her articles.

-T

[megogirl]

Even those who are covenant standers (few and far between) have not been very supportive of your  'attitude' toward ow and your h. so I don't think you can put it down to mob or herd mentality. If it were mob mentality, you would see the different 'groups' agreeing among themselves and that is not what we see here

Fine.  Then, I don't know what it is.

All I know is that I've been repeatedly singled out for saying pretty innocuous things.  I made the mistake of mentioning I was an OW 20+ years ago, and I'm still hearing about it.  Everything from to "you're obsessed with celebrities!" to "you're still living in the early 90's!"  (That latter comment just happened!) 

I acknowledge that saying I hope (the person who has essentially stolen my identity) dies in a fire is not Christian, and perhaps that's where I should seek clergy.  Or, maybe I'm just here, and I feel justified in saying it.

As for the fly-swatting?  That was just me, being lazy.  I suppose I should have said I find your comments irritating.  Call me crazy but in my mind, it would have been the exact same thing.....   

[Nas]

And therein lies the problem. You think being rude and petty is the exact same thing as being calm, cool and collected.

And you absolutely cannot take criticism of any kind, constructive or otherwise.

In the relatively short time you’ve been the forum,  i’ve watched you missed opportunity after opportunity to grow and heal due to your aggressive stubbornness, and instead I’ve seen you insult numerous people, be rude and dismissive, and sometimes just downright mean. You’re not being singled out. People are not responding to your approach because your approach is childish and rude.

  Right down to the very beginning of your response here,  which was simply the word, “Fine.” I can picture my teenage niece now turning on her heel, rolling her eyes and storming out of the room without listening to anything anyone has to say.

[megogirl]

and sometimes just downright mean.

Kindly elaborate.  (....Because I called someone ELSE out for being a mean girl?).  What user?  What exactly did I say?
Enquiring minds....

I will tell you that your username has been mentioned to me in pm's as "One of The Ones That Should Be Avoided"....   

[Nas]

 Interesting that you were warned about me considering I am one of the more infrequent posters. Enjoy your night, Mego.

[megogirl]

Thanx I will, but I still didn't get a clear answer as to who I am "mean" to, when, and how-?

[Thunder]

Mego, I have known Nas for years.  She has always been a wonderful, caring, supportive person to everyone on this site.

Who ever is bad talking her is only trying to cause trouble.  I would stay clear of them if I were you.
Please ignore them.  They are not your friend.

[BrenM]

MG....Can you please explain why you automatically go into "attack" mode to everyone's posts?  Why do you feel obligated to "fight" and/or "argue" with absolutely everyone. Everyone is not your enemy!  You post asking for feedback,  when you receive it  you reply either dismissively, rudely or arrogantly.  I am trying to work you out and I am confused!

Firstly you owe Nas an apology....and so many other posters.  We are all trying to help you, but you continually attack or belittle any advice.

Secondly, please re-read this post.  You have received some awesome advice, and yes some very well overdue 4x4's.  It is now up to you.  You can take the advice onboard and analyse your actions in order to eradicate your bitterness or you can remain bitter and turn everyone in your life away.  Ultimately the choice is yours. 

Thirdly, do not post a reply until you have re-read this thread at least 3 times.  Open your somewhat closed mind and you may understand what the compassionate HS members are saying.

Throw the sarcasism to the curb, you are not doing yourself any favours - which is sad.  We have had longtime members come out of the woodworks to reply to your post....many feeling compelled to help you because you have Red Flags in your posts....in your current mind frame you are very frustrating. 

I have said this many times to you but please get some counselling, some face to face help.  I am positive that you are wearing a mask, trying to be someone who you are not.  You have admirable and commendable morals, values and beliefs.....your family means the world to you....but you are in dire danger of loosing everything due to your stubbornness, sarcasim and ignorance to see what you are doing....you are selling yourself short...IMO your lists do not reflect who you really are..

Please do not worry about your H....concentrate everything on healing yourself,  I truly hope you take this onboard...because you gave strangers who actually care about you and want the best outcome for you.

The issue is...what outcome do you want....versus....what outcome you will cause as a result of your actions?  Erractic abusive/arrogant behaviour will not get you where you want to be.