[Shining Star]

Snow:  I have completed 5 yrs and into the 6th.  I, too, still get the belly pains daily.  It is like a constant reminder that I still have healing to do.  I know your pain, but you must be enormously proud of yourself for.... 1) making it this far, 2) raising your children alone, including financially, and 3) having such empathetic and smart children that "they get it" and their loyalty is with you.  I am not sure I believe the who adage that "what goes around, comes around" but perhaps the karma bus is waiting for your H and the insensitive OW!

[Snowdrop]

Thank you Treasur, Rising and Shining.....wow what a trio with those names

Treasur

I recently got a text from ow so I know that feeling of 'yuk' all too well.

Sorry you have to feel that.

I'm the first to always think of how irrelevant it is when I read posts, yet when it happens, it stings.  I realize that yes I'm only "done" and am detached and moved on, if there is nothing from that end, ie the past few years.  I forget how quickly I fall back into the sick stomach and endless worry about what if's.  I guess I start to feel weak vs them and I know better.

Honour the yuk feeling....treat it like black mould with a dose of bleach and sunshine

Love this! 

Rising

I do get child support but only because I went through child maintenance service.

How low is that.  I didn't even get that far.  Started legal proceedings and ran out of money.  He was served and so was fully aware and did nothing about it.  Where we are they get their faces put on the government website wall of shame and have their licence and passport taken away.  Imagine.

son is in the process of changing his surname to my maidename

Both kids wanted to change their names as it is their dads surname.  I think day to day life gets in the way for now.

Shining

have completed 5 yrs and into the 6th.  I, too, still get the belly pains daily.  It is like a constant reminder that I still have healing to do

Sorry to hear that and agreed, but so hard when there is no finality to it and not through your choosing.  To me it is like they get a thrill out of knowing we have never been given a reason or a final ending.  Control - and while we get it and know it isn't worth it, very easy to say via a keyboard.  For us in a way I want everything sorted so he can permanently go away.  He got what he wanted so go.  We are still in our home and I will not leave.  Until now I have let things be and rather not disturb the wasps nest if it means peace of mind around here especially for S.

As for the karma bus, who knows.  I don't wish them harm, but I do want them to never approach any of us again.  I would love to go to court and ask the judge to let us keep the house in lieu of his debts.  That would be a great cathartic and karmic gift.....from me to them .....and as for OW, she can get lost, and so can he!

We are a tough bunch...hugs to all.....and I'm not really a hugger!

[nah]

So, a weird little interaction this week, well, weird for a vanisher.

If you remember, last month my son asked me to message his father (The Leaver) b/c his cell phone bill wasn't paid.  I really didn't want to b/c the last contact was The Leaver trying to call me (I think b/c he found out about the book) and I ignored the call.  I messaged anyways and was surprised b/c The Leaver immediately responded with a few "Oh crap, I forgot, I'll take care of it now, okay it's all set". I never responded and thought that would be it for another year or so.

While I was in France, I sent my son a few messages with no response.  When I got into town I found out his phone isn't working and has been that way for weeks (honestly it's been an ongoing thing for months).  Anyways, I hesitantly contacted The Leaver again, so sure I was going to get push back.

"Can you help J get a new phone?  It's been difficult to get in touch with him"

Response:
"No sh!t. I've been trying for almost two weeks. Yes I will get him straightened out. I'm struggling with getting together because our schedules are so opposite.  I'll shoot over there after work today.

Yes, it seems normal, right?  But you guys also have vanishers.  Normally it's no response or very short (or has been in the past). OR... he always made a point to say "we" instead of "I" such as, "we" will get him straightened out, "we" have been trying for almost two weeks, etc... 

I always ignored the pronouns but I always felt it was intentional to hurt me.  Maybe I'm digging but when you get used to certain words/treatment, a change becomes apparent. 

OKay, so the response was quick and not too terrible.  Still, my expectations are always low b/c, well, you know, he's a D-bag vanisher.

This morning (the day after contact so, I guess it's not too difficult to schedule after all) my son comes over my house with a new phone.   . The Leaver actually followed through and did what he said he would do.  This might be a first.  Plus... for some reason they had to change son's number so he lost all contacts.  HIs  father put in two numbers for him,.. his own and mine. 

Weird.

Now... back to crickets and my own peaceful life. 

[Anjae]

Good husband helped son getting a new mobile.

I think the "we" is part of the script for some MLCers. Mr J always used "I" while OW1 was around, but at point since OW2 he start using "we". I always ignored it. Since early 2016 he went back to "I", when he was still living with OW2. No idea why the changes.

[Tyks]

Nah, very weird but I may be able to trump the weirdness.

My vanisher offered to take my dog, the family dog, used to be my dad's dog, while I go on vacation next week. He lives with the ow cow!! If I were that homewrecker I'd be some pi$$ed lol. I politely declined because I don't think it is in the best interests of MY dog. So my vanisher is dropping the dog off at the kennel and picking him up for me the following weekend !!! Lol. This so weird. None of my friends or myself can figure it out BC I haven't been amicable at all.

What's everyone's take ?

[nah]

Is this out of the blue or have you had other contact?

[Milly]

Tyks, I'm going to say it's a form of touch and go. Checking the anchor. Doing something good for you to keep you in that safe spot. Enjoy it.

[Anjae]

Tyks, I'm going to say it's a form of touch and go. Checking the anchor. Doing something good for you to keep you in that safe spot.

Agree with, Milly. Touch & go, seeing if you're still there and are still open to contact and help from him.

[CallingHeart]

I wonder if for both Nah and Tyks, if the guilt that (SURELY) lingers may propel the vanisher to do the occasional “nice” thing.  It could also be a “stunt man” second for anchor check.  I personally wouldn’t consider it a T&G, but that’s only a personal opinion....

I wish I could hear from my vanisher.  Not sure why... I think it would show me he at least has a soul...

[Tyks]

We only have contact re our kids and that is rare. I told him I was going on vacation and daughter could decide to stay with him or home alone and he agreed and then he asked me what I was doing with my dog (using the dogs pet name which my h always called him).

So I dunno. I don't think it is a touch and go BC he lives with the ow. I call it just very weird behaviour after 2.5 years.