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Author Topic: Discussion Anyone else have a vanisher 21?

s
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Discussion Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#50: April 18, 2019, 08:02:13 PM
I'm thinking maybe he's just trying to butter you up so you'll send him an autographed copy of your book!   Lol!    ;D
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

nah

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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#51: April 19, 2019, 09:31:27 AM
I'm thinking maybe he's just trying to butter you up so you'll send him an autographed copy of your book!   Lol!    ;D

Haha... maybe I should just send him one then.  ;D

Tykes, you might be getting a touch and go.  I had one of those about three years ago where suddenly he was friendly, sending me messages, agreeing to meet to discuss finances but the lunch meetings would last for a long time and we had many discussions. Then the phone call I often write about (when he admitted to feeling like he’s living someone else’s life) but he married a month later and boom, back to silence.

So mine fixed son’s phone after my nudge. It was nice, it was unusually easy, but I doubt I’ll hear from him again soon.

Tykes, I have a feeling you have a real touch and go on your horizon.
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H-55
me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

T
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#52: April 19, 2019, 03:50:18 PM
Maybe. I've never had one so... Whatever. I'll take the help with the dog lol
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nah

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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#53: April 19, 2019, 05:56:51 PM
Hello yeah. Take the help.

You won’t be able to tell if it’s a touch and go until you look back.
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H-55
me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#54: April 19, 2019, 07:58:55 PM
Last sighting in the final hearing in 2013 and nothing since and she lives with OM2 a 10 minute walk away.
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nah

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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#55: April 20, 2019, 06:48:06 AM
Wow Jack. 10 minutes away?

You haven’t even accidentally bumped into each other at a store? 

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H-55
me-53
ow-31
married 1986
BD April 6 2013 day after family went out for sons birthday.
I packed his bags two days later...semi-vanisher
https://heneversaidaword.com

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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#56: May 10, 2019, 08:00:47 AM
Had my first F2F contact in 18 months and it didn’t go great, first contact of any kind in over 6 months.  My son got sick and I had to take him to the hospital.  He’s fine but was at home resting two days after when his mom showed up in town.  She had her sister pick him up and take him to her mom’s to visit him.  She did not ask or notify me where he was or that she had him.  I didn’t plan to make any kind of fuss about it since I figured it’s good that they get to see their mom.
My son came home Saturday and fell asleep.  I happened to be outside kinda late closing things up.  I saw a car pull up to the mail box.  Someone got out and opened the mailbox.  I had a break in couple weeks ago so I’m on high alert.  I called out and asked what they were doing.  Got no response.  I trotted up there and yelled aggressively, “what did you take out of my mail box?”.  It was her and she said I’m just giving our son his pills.  I then kinda laid into her about not communicating and getting into the mailbox without telling me what she was doing.  She was snapping back about her name on the house, which it is not on the house anymore.  I pointed that out.  It was a heated argument/me venting about her non-sense.  Lasted less than a couple minutes.  It ended when I said “you know what, I’m a good man, I’ve got a really good woman in my house right now” My girlfriend was staying over.  I wasn’t sure where I was going with that, it was mostly just emotions spewing out.  Her face just shifted to anger/disappointment and I could tell me having a woman there was very upsetting to her.  She sped away almost as soon as I said that.
Afterward I felt pretty bad about it.  I didn’t have any anger left toward her.  I honestly just felt really sorry for her.  I sensed that she was lost and sad.  What’s odd is that she told me to email her that her number was changed.  I have several emails for her, so I sent a message to all and the one that she responded back on was the original with my last name on it.  I figured for sure she would have gotten rid of that one after getting married.  The correspondence afterward was very cordial, and she asked that I send her pictures of the boys.  I did and she thanked me. I was flying out for work and she told me to have a safe flight.  I sensed a shift in her.
The other odd thing is that I had a dream Monday night that she was back in the house acting like the mom and I told her this wasn’t her house and she couldn’t just come in here anymore without permission.  My son got sick Tuesday and I took him to the hospital Wednesday.  The scenario played out so similar to my dream few days before.
She talked slow and seemed a little confused.  I just felt really sorry for her that’s all I felt was sympathy.  My last bits of anger seem to be gone.  She indicated our daughter is going to go to college up there.  So that means she’s pretty well stuck there for quite a bit longer.  Anyway, not sure now if I should continue communicating or just let it lie.  Also my sympathy has me thinking I should just forget about trying to get any money from her.  Her excuse before was her name on the house.  It was really more the principal of her not supporting the boys not really about the money.  I had decided to tell her not to worry about the money but I haven’t indicated that yet.
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M39, W38, D16, S14, S13 at BD. 20yr together married 18
Said I love you every night before bed good physical R
8/31/17 filed for D, left papers at house for me to find. Didn't come home or answer phone.
Moved to her parents house 2 doors down.
9/15/17 discover OM and PA she had the night of BD.
OM 12yr older unemployed in NY city met online leaving to marry him.  Said "I've done things for others my whole life time for me to do something for me", "I deserve to do what makes me happy!"
10/31/2017 left for good.
D final 12/21/2017
Returned once 3/28/18 to visit family.
Convinced D to leave and live with her 6/4/2018
Boys both live with me don't talk to mom.

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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#57: May 10, 2019, 08:06:31 AM
It really is up to you itv if you continue to communicate. If you feel that you can have a working parental partnership then I would go for it. It may be beneficial to the boys if she can continue to be cordial. Slightest sign if not then step back again.

With regards to the money, do what is in your best interests and not due to sympathy. Xx
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Me 55
H56
Divorced 3/dec/2019
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Finances Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

C
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#58: May 10, 2019, 06:15:18 PM
I still lurk, crickets from here also, last time i had contact with him was 5 yrs ago when he ran off!, he still keeps in touch with my girls my son wants nothing to do with him, my daughter tells me him and wifey who I believe is 55 are still trying for a child through IVF, my daughter also tells me she collects rent from the mlcr! hahaha wtf!
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Re: Anyone else have a vanisher 21?
#59: May 10, 2019, 10:16:42 PM
Hi all,
Don't post very often but still try to keep up with everyones story.

"In the valley", your mlc wife is "waking up" is my take on her behaviour. Some of the fog is lifting or what ever you want to call it. Everything is not well in schmoopyland. Her suddenly comming to town, comming to your house/mailbox "incident" etc. I think are signs to this. I base my thoughts only from all of the relationships "experts" you can find online, talking about "how a person behaves after long period of break up/divorce/no contact", "they" never come back full force with total regret and taking acountability for what they did. Everyone says "they" sneek up, tip one toe in the water, only send a "Hi" one the phone, or show up where they know you are etc. 

I'm so happy for you having a new woman in your life but that didn't sit well with your wife. She really thought you were "waiting" for her to come back. It would have been easier for her working her way back, in her mind if you didn't. So her anger/dissapointment is pure jealousy. Give her a little time and she will reach out again, fishing for how serious your R is with this woman. On the other hand, also based on everything I've read about narcissistic behavior is that "they" only can change if they loose the main supply, that can make them change their narc behaviour.

ChrissYAH, For me it's around 4,5 years since I saw or talked directly to XH. My xh is still pathologly lying about everything to everyone I hear from, doesn't look well. He has never reached out to me in person but my take is that he is baiting me to reach out to him, things written in mails to the lawyers and "strange" behaviour (requests, things said) towards me from youngest son 29 who has little contact with the mlc'r, the other son 30 has only seen his father once last summer 1 hr in the last 5 years and all his father did was lying, didn't remember, that did not happen, I've never said that etc. one hour of BS. No accountability what so ever. Someone else said they observe their xh as a research project, that is what I'm doing also. I'm totally NC (due to the domestic violence I suffer) and I will remain that until xh gets help/is safe to be around IF that ever happens.

Hugs
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