[Anjae]

Believer,  early on, during the very confusing right after BD times, Mr J would be his normal self, monster, nice, in tears and all over again. It was crazy.

Then, monster in several ways, at times nice. Then it seemed monster took over. He got in contact by e-mail early-2016. He was civil. Most of the few e-mails (about two or three a year) are civil, but monster still shows.

I don't know how he manages to still be monster and angry.  We have lived over 300km from each other since May 2007 have seen each other in person four times since, twice by chance in social events, once in family court, and August 2007 he come here to the house.

[HeartTattoo]

However,  if I can share anything it’s the following :

Yes, this is a script

It’s not about you

Get out of the way

Protect yourself financially and emotionally

It’s a long ride !!!

Treat yourself with much kindness and love

You will lose family and friends. However the ones that remain are “keepers ♥️“
And perhaps you'll make wonderful new ones.

Believer,
I wrote a response to one of your other recent posts, but lost it messing around with it. The gist of it was that our MLCers sound much alike. And when we start thinking the OW is making our H's so happy (because they were "so unhappy in our M") remember a pointer from RCR--MLCers don't look for someone better than us; they come across & become attached to someone worse than themselves.

Anyhow, your summary is spot on. Any newbies following along, take notice. It's there in a nutshell.

Hugs,
HT

[Believer]

Anjae,

Ah yes the endless energy consumed in being angry. If only they would convert that energy into something good !!

Heartattoo,

Good point about the OW being worse than the MLCer ! It’s my understanding that my exh’s OW fits this suggestion perfectly....

The whole MLC is a sad and destructive process to experience.

[Anjae]

Ah yes the endless energy consumed in being angry. If only they would convert that energy into something good !!

If only. 

Externally, MrJ's OWs do not look worst than him. They look more together than him and took much better care of themselves than he did of himself. Of course there must be something not visible since they got together with a MLCer.

OW1 didn't last long in the open. He refused to leave his MLC life and she wanted to settle down, etc. OW2 is a knightess in shinning armour that decided to rescue the poor heartbroken MLCer. He and OW1 had broke, OW2 become is close friend and confident.

[in it]

I think anger gets a really bad negative rap.

I took all the anger energy I had and used it to detach, get a life and the most positive thing it gave me was determination. I mean white hot laser focused determination.


The determination to not give up, just realize I had enough. Enough lies, BS, games and abuse. Enough, enough, enough.

Not mad, not upset - just done.

[Treasur]

However,  if I can share anything it’s the following :

Yes, this is a script

It’s not about you

Get out of the way

Protect yourself financially and emotionally

It’s a long ride !!!

Treat yourself with much kindness and love

You will lose family and friends. However the ones that remain are “keepers ♥️“
And perhaps you'll make wonderful new ones.

Believer,
I wrote a response to one of your other recent posts, but lost it messing around with it. The gist of it was that our MLCers sound much alike. And when we start thinking the OW is making our H's so happy (because they were "so unhappy in our M") remember a pointer from RCR--MLCers don't look for someone better than us; they come across & become attached to someone worse than themselves.

Anyhow, your summary is spot on. Any newbies following along, take notice. It's there in a nutshell.

Hugs,
HT

This was a really, really good reminder for me today. Especially the first two points.
Kind of LBS 101.
Takes a while to really truly get it in your bones, but as HT says, just spot on.

[Anjae]

In It, anger can be used in a constructive and in a destructive way. MLCers use it in a destructive way.

[LearningIamOk]

From HT:

And when we start thinking the OW is making our H's so happy (because they were "so unhappy in our M") remember a pointer from RCR--MLCers don't look for someone better than us; they come across & become attached to someone worse than themselves.

HT, I have, within the last day, decided to stop calling xH's OW "Spin Wh*re", and replace it with "Saint OW". If it wasn't for her, I would still be married, walking on eggshells and mostly unhappy. If she IS truly worse than him, and she is despicable, what in heaven's name was I married to? He had to dig really deep to dredge her up.

I now have a drama free relationship with a man who actually talks to me and uses my name.

I can finally embrace the fact that MLC isn't about the LBS at all.

[in it]

I hear you Learning.  I'd like to give the exow a great big thank you also.

I no more have to deal with the sullen, dark, negative,  abusive, brooding boor of whatever that was. No more eggshells or what ever I did not being good enough.
Whatever I said either being not the thing to say or, when I wasn't talking something was wrong with me being so quiet.
No more being lied to by him and be played for some fool in his game. No more abuse.

 No more accounting for where I went, who I talked to, and what was said.  I was released from prison.

If it weren't for the pain I watched my children go through due to her utter stupidity and selfishness I might be able to to do just that.

[Shining Star]

In:  Your words helped me tonight.  Although he wasn't like that throughout the marriage, he was in the end.  Mean and nasty and full of lies.  I try to be grateful that I no longer am around all that negative energy and I no longer walk on eggshells.  Thanks for reminding me