[Gettingbackup]

Oh LP what an update. I adore it, I want to compile an edition of Soothing Bedtime Stories for the LBS and that would be the first chapter. Absolutely delicious to witness, even from afar.

[in it]

I'm going to hell anyway..so LMAO!!
Yes some of what you wrote LP sounds totally familiar.
And that you didn't have to do a thing and all this happened just proves that eventually it will catch up to them.
All anybody needs to do is get right out of the way.

[Treasur]

How is your friend J doing, LP?

[Mortesbride]

Wow...it is funny reading the story. 

I don't know how many times I have said to Beast, and written in my forums...that I just know something similar like that is going to be his ending.

I think he is going to run off and try to be ''free'' getting a redo with his 20 year old GF...and when she starts to pressure him for things all women want at that age (kids, marriage, a house) he is going to freak out and run. That or she will finally see the Jekyll AND the HIDE, then she is going to bolt. Either way I see him entering an even worse depression than he has ever faced before, and if I am honest I worry he would commit suicide before trying to fix anything. I guess deep down I know he is an... emotionally??.. weak guy, that will have an extremely tough time coming back out. I am 90% sure that he will try to come back if he doesn't take the shortcut out, but I am not sure I will still be here. I am not known for my patience.

Anyway, I am super surprised at how much detail she offered up! Imagine contacting your current partner's ex to dish all the dirt. Although it is helpful to you to know, it really does show her true colours as a person. I can't imagine her current relationship is going to go much better to be fair, she just traded in the old knight for the young page...

[Airmid]

Congratulations to the Karma Fairy - she finally found her way to Genius.
For Newbie readers - you may think the take away from this is that the MLCer finally got just deserts.
While that may be true - the real take away is to look at LP's path.

LP took care of herself legally - and got a divorce. 
This enabled her to secure her finances - and be assured of her income/savings etc.
Good thing of course because her MLCer was predictable and burned though all his money.

LP focused on getting her own life in order - moving forward with her career - her social life - her interests.
Rarely if al all did she look over her shoulder to see where her MLCer was - because what was important was her own life - not the life of her Genius.

So the Karma bus arrived - and LP is the "winner".
She didn't sit still - waiting for the MLCer.
She took up the reins and steered her life into a happy and successful place.
Her choice is to not allow this broken MLCer back - and if anyone reads her history of how Genius behaved at BD - you will see she is 100% right in her decision.
He was violent and abusive.

I love this moment for you LP - because you know I love "justice".
And for me - this is a story of justice.
Genius blew up his whole life for this little girl - and now he got a dose of his own medicine.

Newbies - don't fixate on your MLCer - fixate on making your own lives the best they can be.
Then no matter what happens - you win.

[in it]

Airmid great post!
You focus on yourself your own life and don't look back. Especially after dealing with an abusive violent relationship.

However it's really much the same advice in a relationship where it's been devastated  by infidelity. Focus on you and heal. Don't be a doormat or an enabler.

I like this phrase:

The reason the windshield is bigger than the rear view mirror is because it's more important to see where you are are going than where you have been.

[Anjae]

What an update, LP. Thank you.

I recalled your MLCers had been trying to come back home for several years. 

Using the LBS anger, for those who have it since not all do, in a moving forward/doing constructive things is positive. Using our anger the way MLCers do, not so much.

However, at a point, anger has to go and give way to other emotions.

Another who wants to know how is J doing.

[lawprofessor]

Why thank you ladies for following along and commenting!

Yes, it was quite the evening last night.  The (OW) Little Girl as I always referred to her as, sent a short tweet announcing her engagement.  She followed up with a long couple of emails dishing the dirt once she had confirmation I had read the tweet. 

In past history, I was never angry with the Little Girl. 
-She owed me no loyalty
-She took no vows with me
-I was never jealous of her.  She really and truly was a child in appearance and emotional maturity, right down to her pig tails and Hello Kitty backpack.  She was about 22 if I recall correctly when they got together. 
-She was no threat to me in any way.  She tried hard to emulate me in many ways down to my likes and Pinterest boards which was a bit creepy.  Career-wise she was a clerk at Forever 16.  Physically-no curves, no hips, no figure, definitely not a gym rat like me.  She is dark Italian and I'm light Russian although for a period she did go blonde and get blue contacts, both of which were awful on her, like clown makeup.  Money-no contest.  Sports-no contest.  I outweighed her, muscle, curves and height to her skin and bones waif look. She spent about 5 years of her life and $25,000 going to school to learn to speak Russian at intermediate proficiency whereas I already spoke it naturally.  On and on.
-She was always a drama queen threatening suicide dozens of times when she didn't get her way, where as I told her after the divorce that that wasn't necessary as Id taken everything in the divorce except his Fruit of the Looms and here those were-handing a laundry basket to her, that he had nothing left I wanted, that someday she'd find out she got a booby prize and did me a favor.
-Simply they had nothing in common and yet everything in common.  The same weaknesses, insecurities, fears, depression, mental weakness, Foo issues, and immaturity. They became one broken mess of a person until she changed some and grew up some.

He craved sameness.  He got it.  In spades.

It was him I was angry with. 
-He chose to betray me.
-He broke his vows
-He chose to treat me poorly.
No one held a gun to his head.  He was not insane.  He made choices.

Yes, Little Girl contacted me in the beginning, and once even threatened to "beat me up" for being mean to Genius.  That was a one off because she finally saw a picture of me and I gave her my address to come see how that worked out for her.  She declined.

Prior to this, the last comment I made to her was, "I don't want the Midlife Crisis Old Trainwreck and wouldn't take him back if he came to my home sporting a solid gold Pen!$ so quit bothering me with your teenage drama. 

I didn't hear more until last night, when she said everything i forecast had come true. She said she contacted me to sort of begin her new marriage with a clean karmic slate.  I said, thanks for the update.  I didn't wish her well or wish her poorly.  As always she is just an immature and irrelevant little girl.

So no I wasn't surprised in the wide sense that she contacted me or that she plastered this all around social media.  And yet I was surprised in a sense when I got the tweet.  But, surprised at the outcome? Not at all.  Like much of the rest of this, it's just stereotypical, prosaic even.  But I still find it humorous...👿

Lp

[lawprofessor]

As to J,

Well, karma just keeps slapping the crap out of the big old Galapagos turtle.  He is progressing nicely as always but slowly.  He says karma just keeps smacking him because he has a lot to make up for.  He's likely correct.

Last July at the ripe old age of 52 he had a hip replaced.  Years of hard living, hard partying, and hard drinking combined with a physically demanding job and osteoarthritis made his hip on the left collapse.  He fought back and was doing great in rehab and paying off those bills.  His ex offered to let him stay with her so she could nurse him but he declined saying he would never walk again if he did that because she would smother him in care and enable him to just sit and rot. 

Then he got on his feet and back to work but karma hadn't forgotten his address.  He was being a bit cocky and arrogant, prideful about his recovery, and bam! Lady Karma zapped his other hip.  This summer he will have that one replaced. 

We still spend some evenings talking about MLC when the mood strikes him.  A few weeks ago, we had a great discussion.  I asked him if there was any way any person could have said or did anything that would have stopped him in his tracks.  Quickly and firmly he said No, no one, no way.  It had to happen.  I asked did he think it was necessary-absolutely.  That he had learned although almost too late, that family was more important than money, that he had no idea what it meant to be a man correctly before this, that he wished he had my father for a roll model earlier, that he was sorry but ex and he would never be together again.

He admitted to having thought of his ex and the kids a lot, maybe even daily while he was in Replay but he just ran from those thoughts with more activity.  That he knew Ex would take care of them.  He just knew. 

He said he ran from the guilt of not being there.  Until one day when he felt driven like a migrating bird to return home.  He said he had been scared to return but never felt like he had another choice but to return.  And so he did within 2 days of deciding, just as quickly as he left when he ran.

I asked him why it was necessary to just burn it all down, his life and all he accomplished.  He said it was absolutely necessary at the time, to begin again, to start over.  Yet he couldn't do that with ex clinging to his coattails, holding him back.  The more she clung, the more she assured him she would be there for him, that he could return home, the more necessary it became to cut all ties and burn down entirely his old life.  Why?  Because he could never go back to being that man that he was while married to ex.  He wanted to make sure of that, that there was no way back to being that man.  Which is different than going back to ex.  He held that possibility open for years until he was sure she was still the same, no growth or changes, and still wanted the old him back.  Then he gave up and walked away from that idea.

However, he now is worried about being off work again because Ex counts on the back child support he gives her weekly, that he wants to make sure she's taken care of as this is her only cash income.  He said this is the only way he can help take care of her, short of going back to her which he will never do. 

After this hip surgery and recovery he plans to make some career changes and life changes as he's sure that job will kill him, and it likely will as it's toxic and dangerous.  The last guy before him died a terrible death riddled with odd unusual cancers.  J has decided enough is enough as to punishing himself.  He's paid his penance. 

He still lives with me in the West wing of my house, he and his cats.  Some days he is very happy and some days he is simply content to appreciate the simple things.  He would say he is at peace.

Lp

[lawprofessor]

Hey there Anjae,

Yes, my ex has wanted to come home for some time now.  And now I know why.  He knew things were going badly and wanted a safe plan b to run to. I would never accept being plan b for anyone.  He wouldn't have chosen me for me, but because he had failed at all else and had no where safe to run to.  I won't be an enabler, much less a toxic enabler that settles for a trainwreck.

No way.

Even if I wanted him back, he wasn't done and would have just run again after he got reassured he was welcome and loved.

_-------_-------------------------

I'd hope anyone who reads this would take their eyes off their MLCer, forget all the mental masturbations as to the whys and how's, focus squarely and only on themselves and their children, and make their lives beautiful and however they define successful. Once one has a basic understanding of MLC, just look forward and move forward. The rest will take care of itself.  Stop playing kids games.  Stop wallowing.  Stop wasting time.  Stop wasting energy.  Face your demons and move forward.  Grow up and find your calling in life. 

--------------------------------

Anger-those that use anger incorrectly have some growing up to do, nearly as much as their MLCer.  Just as those that are conflict avoidant have some maturing and growth opportunities as well.  2 sides of the same coin.  We can treat this MLC experience as a growth opportunity or the worst thing to ever happen to us.  High energy or wallow.  Our choice in how to respond.  At least we get a choice in that aspect. Focus on ourselves or focus on the MLCer.  Achieve or wallow. 

The pain lessens with each step forward. Our choice. 

Lp