[sachat3]

Well I suppose this is where they are different as I suspect Ow and H started wfter BD so both were “technically” single. That said Ow was oh so quick to show her relationship off. When I blocked her (over a year ago!) she had uploaded almost 3000 photos on Instagram and some are the most pointless photos. She even uploaded photos of him and her in a lift. Despite the fact you can clearly see he’s swerving to try and avoid being in the photo. At the time of me blocking H on Instagram (7 months after becoming official with Ow) he only uploaded one thing that put them together. Despite during that time them going to London, Paris, and many other trips away. He wouldn’t even upload a generic Paris pic. Literally nothing tied them together from his side. However now he’s stopped all his family following him etc and only had Ow and people who know her that follow him so I would assume he now uploads about Ow.

[Father5]

Sachat,

My wife and other man started 3 weeks after B/D though we were still living together. It's an affair anyway you slice it ! He is married also and I haven't seen one pic of them on the internet.

[sachat3]

Well my BD was a bit slightly different. I did go into it on my thread BUT I don’t know, I think he had a bit of a, I probably can’t find the right word to describe it but he was a bit amazed by her I guess. She’s a year older than me, yet she (was) very plain Jane. No makeup. No tan. No nails etc. Very unlike me. But she also had heaps and heaps of disposable income unlike us who were on a very tight shoestring budget. She’s also very athletic and runs a lot. Running is his replay hobby!

He will more than likely view himself as “not doing anything wrong” but we all know that’s not a lie. He may not have started anything with her until after we split but regardless. I was at home with HIS three children whilst he was meeting her in hotels.

[Evertrying]

Mine hasn't moved out and this August it will be 2 yrs since BD. I have asked him to leave early on but he didn't go anywhere. I get the fact that our home is his home too, but if the OW was such a catch, why didn't he go? I have asked him this in the past and he isn't really sure why he didn't leave. My guess is that he doesn't have any where to go. (Not my problem, but it's what I think happened) I know his AP was talking about getting her own apt and leaving her H (She even wrote her H a letter telling him they were done and he needed to move on)
But if it were me having an affair and MLC, I would have moved out. If I really "wuved" my AP, or thought I did, I wouldn't let a 25 yr marriage get in my way. (Trying to think like a MLCer here,,,)
The one good thing about my H is that he realized pretty quickly that he WAS having a crisis. It took a few months of denial but eventually he figured it out on his own. I think that's one part of him staying in the house. He told me he's worried that once he's through the tunnel and wakes up, if he throws away the marriage, it may be the worst mistake he's ever made. So he's a fence sitter. Post in his butt and all. 
The difference is, I am off the fence living my life. Yes we are still in the same house together, but I don't care one way or another what he does or doesn't do any longer.

[sachat3]

It’s good you have got to that point everything. I think deep down they know they don’t love the AP they just want to convince themselves they do. I remember when the “ding ding ding this is MLC” lights went on and haven’t gone off since. I always suspected but my H said “there’s just got to be more to life. There just has to be” so I think he’s been searching for the meaning something to make him happy but we all know. That said at BD I told him he was having a MLC and was depressed. Oddly enough the words spilled out of my mouth but I had no idea what they meant. It was then that I googled and knew what I was talking about so I’m not sure H(Clington) would ever actively admit its MLC. He might admit to himself but I doubt I’d get the “I told you so” moment

[Stand Tall]

  What I thought was my BD back in March 2018 turned out to be my second BD. The first one came about 3 years prior to the second. H said the magic words to me, ILYBINILWY, and also told me that he told his dad that he was leaving me. I really didn't take it serious because he had run away from home at least 3 times prior to that and only stayed gone a day or two with two weeks being the longest. So, me not knowing what a MLC was I guess I was living with one for a few years prior to the BD that took him out of the house.

  It was a week day back in February 2018 and H had the day off. We were out shopping and during a conversation I picked up his phone to check the time and saw a text message from a girl asking my H how his day was going. Of course H denied it all, said she is a friend from work. I laid a guilt trip on him, telling him he had just broke my heart. I asked if he would be willing to work on the marriage. He said he would. H said the ugly, fat B was not worth losing his marriage for. He tried for two weeks, being more attentive to me. Told me, at least I thought, where he was going and when he would be back. All lies. BD2 was two weeks later and off he went like a young teen who was going off to be with his friends.

  H would pop back home every couple days in the beginning. One time during out conversation he mentioned that he had no feelings anymore. He told me that a man can live with a woman just so he has a place to stay. I've always felt that he was talking about ow.

  I'm not sure how long H was having an EA with her or when it turned into a PA, but soon after he left he moved in with her. My H is in a club and we were very close to the other members. One day in April 2018 he walked into the clubhouse with ow in tow. He sat her down and introduced her as his ol lady. My girlfriends were in shock. One of them asked her if she new my H was married and she said yes, He is happy with me know. This was the night of introduction and she was already throwing an attitude around. Not a good start.

  In May 2018 the club went on a camping trip and H brought the ow. From what I was told by the other women, she was weird and nobody liked her. I heard stories of how she spoke to my H. Very controlling. At one point while he was talking amongst his friends she yelled to him to come over to him and tie his shoe. He accommodated her. I heard that the guys mocked him for it. I was also told that one day while camping a group of people were sitting around a picnic table and this AD pulled something from her pocket and laid it across the picnic table. When my girlfriend looked over she saw a bunch of this AD's sex toys on the table. Who does that?? 

  After that camping trip the women were told that they could no longer talk with me. Ya see, I was blamed because nobody wanted to talk to this AP. I wasn't even there. Because of this I don't hear anymore stories about ow, nor do I ask. I couldn't even tell you if they are still together or not.

  All I can say is my H has changed in the past year. Seems more mature. But, yeah, these women are something else.

-Stand

[sachat3]

I think quite frankly, they have to be “something else” because these MLCers aren’t hunting for that specific person. They are not working and working to get that woman. They will get ANY woman they can. If one “potential Ow” says no. They will move onto the next. My Ow is just 7 shades of crazy and I mean crazy capital C. She is the definition of affair down. I mean, in the brexit deal both H and Ow voted polar opposite. She’s a royalist. He can’t stand the royals. The list is endless. If it wasn’t her it would be someone else. Which is why I suspect Ow clings to him the way she does because she knows someone will be in her spot fairly quick.

[nah]

Ahhh... The affair partner.  Now, this is far from the first thread on this subject.  In fact, is there a thread that doesn't mention the affair partner at all?  Even one?  Not sure why the other thread went down the gutter so quickly.  But that's another subject,....

Back to the subject at hand. What do they have that I don't have?  Good question.  They must have something because my loving spouse left me for that person.  So what is it?  Those who know me, know what's coming next, my 20 yr old son said this to me days after his father left us and it made so much sense that here I am repeating it for the thousandth time...

"Mom, Dad wasn't looking for someone better than you, he was looking for someone worse than himself."

Bingo. 

Maybe that's why I didn't really put much monkey-braining into her.  Oh believe me, I fire trucked up just about everything else, but she was just a shadow in the background.  Now I wasn't perfect, sometimes "good intentioned" friends/family members would slip information my way and I would sink, but I would just repeat the wise words of my son and pull out of that hole quickly.  "Luckily" (haha), I had plenty of other sh!t to monkey-brain about...

Now I noticed many of you are getting into the details.  He/She is different than the rest because he/she is:
old or young
good looking or ugly
Bat-$h!te crazy or seems normal
kids or no kids
just met or close "friend"
etc.,, etc., etc.,....

If it helps you to write it out, vent, monkey-brain in circles again and again and again until you are exhausted, please by all means, do whatever you need to do to heal.  I know I monkey-brained for years about many things, honestly, sometimes I still do. My family exploding into pieces forever changed my life.

Humor me for a minute, this is a true story...

This friend I know, years ago volunteered at the juvenile corrections facility in our state. She was a music teacher and would teach a music class for in inmates under 18 years old.  She mentioned an infamous inmate that every single person who lives in my state knows his name.  She said he was "polite, funny, and was a very a nice guy"

"Umm" I said to her, "at age 13 he broke into a neighbors house and stabbed a sleeping female to death.  Two years later, since he wasn't caught the first time, he broke into another neighbors house and killed a mom and two daughters aged 8 and 10. The next day he broke into that same house just to look at the bodies. State laws were changed because of this one person, Bill Clinton knew his name when he came to our state, he is a cold-blooded serial killer"

"But", she said, "If you met him, you would see he is actually a nice guy"....

The point of this story is sometimes one action negates everything else.  I don't care if this guy tells funny jokes, smiles all the time, compliments me for my talents, etc etc... he fire trucking killed a family for pleasure.  Nothing else matters!

Just like the affair partners.... I don't care about anything else other than they are willing to have sex with someone who is married and has no problem breaking up a family.  Nothing else matters!. The ONLY exception would be if they really truly did not know that the person was married (very rare) and walked away when they found out... otherwise they are an affair down every.single.time.... every time.

Okay,... It's been over 7 years that The Leaver is with his affair partner, they married last year. (If you want to know my opinions on why they are still together, that's another story).  I have never heard her voice, we have NEVER corresponded, not once, I have only seen her in person twice, once at my FIL's funeral, and once accidentally bumping into them at a restaurant (It's actually a pretty funny story)... So anything I could say about her would be conjecture.  So for fun I'll talk about an affair partner that I'm very family with... my sister, who I have known for my entire life. 

They were college sweethearts for a few years.  He cheated on her and married his wife behind her back.  That was almost 40 years ago.  She stayed single for about 15 years after that, kind of like a recluse except for her career.  Not many friends, not much of a social life. Then she met my BIL (great guy, I feel so bad that he was put through the ringer).  He said he thought her awkwardness was "cute".  She must have felt her biological clock ticking b/c they got married at age 40 and had a daughter six months later, a second daughter two years after the first.  A few years later my bil opens up to me that my sister is "talking" to "the cop".... What?!?  The D-bag from college?!?  Yep.

Fast forward through the drama filled divorce.  Then it gets quiet for a few years and "suddenly" "the cop" is also going through a divorce after a 35-yr- "unhappy" marriage.  Shocking. 

I almost (not really) feel bad for this cop.  Not only did he destroy his life for my fire trucked up sister but now he has me, a very vocal betrayed spouse, as a sister in law....(insert evil laughter here).

For the last few years, the "smoke and mirrors" have been everywhere.

Here is what people see on Facebook/compared to reality:

Facebook:
My sister has a great career that has her traveling to Europe every few weeks. Beautiful pictures.
Reality:
Who has been watching the kids while she is globe-trotting?  No one mentions it. Not her MLC husband, nobody knows where he is when she is traveling, it's my bil who happily takes them whenever he can, and then is chastised behind his back for the silliest things like taking them to McDonald's for dinner.
Facebook:
Big family photos for all the holidays
Reality:
This Easter he was watching TV in the other room the entire day.
Facebook:
Big beautiful wedding
Reality:
My oldest sister, and I (and our kids) boycotted the wedding, most people who were there don't even know we exist.
Facebook:
Look at the pictures, she's so good with her mother.
Reality:
She gave my mother money to feed her kids when my mother baby-sits them (all the time btw) and then wrote it off on her taxes, so my mother who is on a fixed income had to pay taxes.  My sister makes six figures.

I could go on and on.  Believe me, the portrait of their "perfect" life is so far from reality it (again) almost makes me feel bad for them.  But they destroyed two families to be together and now they are stuck in their swill.

BTW... "The cop" is now a Sargent and still looks down and takes two steps back every single time I walk into the room.  Even my husband observed that he is scared to death of me.

Coward.

(insert evil laughter)... 

[Thunder]

Nah, so very true...all of it.

But as you know my first H was a womanizer..good looking, charming as can be, but he actually met his match.
He started seeing this really nice woman.  Lied to her he was divorced.
After she found out she was quite upset and said she would never have dated him if she had known, broke up with him on the spot, so he divorced me.

She did end up marrying him (her first mistake) and she was a wonderful woman.  Very good to my kids..but guess what?  2 1/2 years later she divorced him...found him cheating on her.   
He went on snowing women after that for years.

Now I can't honestly say anything bad about that woman.  See did not knowingly date a married man, and when she found out she broke it off.
So not all ow's are affair downs.  She was a much better person than he was.  Some just fall for a lying, married  predator.

I KNOW this is not the norm, but it does happen.

[Mortesbride]

"Mom, Dad wasn't looking for someone better than you, he was looking for someone worse than himself."

-Great quote to remember as usual.

The point of this story is sometimes one action negates everything else.  I don't care if this guy tells funny jokes, smiles all the time, compliments me for my talents, etc etc... he fire trucking killed a family for pleasure.  Nothing else matters!

-How many times do you see this crap in the news. Some guy murders a buncha people and everyone is like ''Oh well he seemed so nice''. But that is the point right? Everyone suspects the dirt covered angry guy in the corner...no one goes near him....but the charming, magnetic, funny guy who smells good? Perfect serial killer material because you don't expect it. Makes them truly more dangerous.

Just like the affair partners.... I don't care about anything else other than they are willing to have sex with someone who is married and has no problem breaking up a family.  Nothing else matters!. The ONLY exception would be if they really truly did not know that the person was married (very rare) and walked away when they found out... otherwise they are an affair down every.single.time.... every time.

-I 100 thousand percent agree. I don't care who they are, how old they are, how hot they are, how successful...there is a serious permanent character flaw within someone who destroys a family for their own happiness.

BTW... "The cop" is now a Sargent and still looks down and takes two steps back every single time I walk into the room.  Even my husband observed that he is scared to death of me.

-Love this.