[megogirl]

Thanx T & OP & One Day

But I'm afraid it isn't that easy.  We can't just turn our feelings on/off, like a lamp.

So it's frightening that MLC enables them to do JUST THAT.......!

[Mitzpah]

I know that it is nothing we do or say that makes them finally quit.

As to whether divorce and no more personal/financial contact makes them feel we are slipping away? I have no idea - I think that while they are still in throes of the crisis, they couldn't care less. After eight plus years of this, this is what I see.

I will always have contact with the father of my children because that is who he is. 

MLC is something that was engendered in them before we met them. It has nothing to do with our marriage.

I will stand until death do us part, however, I cannot claim to being sure he will come back home. In my mind, these are two different things. I will do my part in our marriage and what he does, is what he does.

That is why we need to take responsibility for ourselves and our children, if they so need us. My life is my responsibility.

His life and decisions are his.

I don't pass judgement on his behavior, that is not my role. My behavior is my concern, God is my judge.

[Acorn]

Say I get sacked by the company I worked for 20 years.
I have this gut feeling that they will hire me back.  No reason, I just feel that way.  Intuition.  Despite the severance payout and all the paper work that declares me legally dismissed from the company.

In the mean time, I will not look for another job, retrain, or acquire additional skills to better my chances in the job market.  Why would I do all that work when my gut tells me I will get my old job back?
Needless to say, that attitude is most unwise.

When LBS gets divorced, she has been sacked as a wife.  Retrain as a single person.  In fact, all LBS should be doing it, regardless of their marital status, if I may say so.

Also, proverbial spanner in the works is that the Leaver does not share the same ‘gut feeling’ as LBS.   That’s a real bummer when reconciliation takes 2 people. 

[OldPilot]

But I'm afraid it isn't that easy.  We can't just turn our feelings on/off, like a lamp.

No you can't.
So all you can do is make small changes , one day at a time and point in the right direction.

If you are steering a huge ship, it can not turn on a dime and head in the opposite direction.
You just slowly turn until you are pointed in the opposite way.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Great analogy:

Say I get sacked by the company I worked for 20 years.
I have this gut feeling that they will hire me back.  No reason, I just feel that way.  Intuition.  Despite the severance payout and all the paper work that declares me legally dismissed from the company.

In the mean time, I will not look for another job, retrain, or acquire additional skills to better my chances in the job market.  Why would I do all that work when my gut tells me I will get my old job back?

And may I add, ignore all other aspects of my life so I can sit by the phone for hours waiting for my former company to call and then sending angry emails to my former boss for not calling me back to work.

When LBS gets divorced, she has been sacked as a wife.  Retrain as a single person.  In fact, all LBS should be doing it, regardless of their marital status, if I may say so.

Can't argue with that at all.

No you can't.
So all you can do is make small changes , one day at a time and point in the right direction.

If you are steering a huge ship, it can not turn on a dime and head in the opposite direction.
You just slowly turn until you are pointed in the opposite way.

OP, as usual, you are right on point.

This concludes one of the easiest posts I've had thanks to the previous posts that I just stole from.

In the words of the lady from Poltergeist, "This thread is cleansed."

Have an awesome day!

Ready

[Treasur]

When LBS gets divorced, she has been sacked as a wife.  Retrain as a single person.  In fact, all LBS should be doing it, regardless of their marital status, if I may say so.

Just perfect

[megogirl]

Say I get sacked by the company I worked for 20 years.
I have this gut feeling that they will hire me back.  No reason, I just feel that way.  Intuition.  Despite the severance payout and all the paper work that declares me legally dismissed from the company.

I respectfully disagree with your analogy.  Apples, and oranges.

Because companies are STERILE.  No emotions, no feelings, no nothing.  JUST BUSINESS!  So once you're let go, you're gone.  There are no second thoughts, and no turning back.

Marriage is just the opposite.....all about people, very strong emotions.  And per RCR, these people are only "lost .....not gone."

[xyzcf]

If you used your imagination you could understand what so many people are trying to tell you in a variety of ways.

People who have all been through what you are going through and have learned to live again.

My feeling mego is you do not want to hear the reality of the danger you face if you don’t start preparing for a life on your own.

It is all your own choice.

[megogirl]

My feeling mego is you do not want to hear the reality of the danger you face if you don’t start preparing for a life on your own.

I am in the same boat as everyone else - we ALL wonder if we will have enough to live on comfortably.  I get alimony for the next five years.  Then I got $300k in retirement, which has already grown to $335k, and will only continue until I'm 59 1/2.  My lawyer said I was given a "good offer", and more than I would have won in court.

So why then does everyone feel that I'm so destitute?

[xyzcf]

I would talk to a financial advisor to make sure that 300 k will be sufficient when your alimony runs out.

At 4 % interest per year IF you are fortunate enough to make that, your asset comes to $12,000 per year in income. That would be $1000 per month.

Investments, especially those that might make a decent rate of return are also vulnerable to market conditions.

Just my little bit of knowledge concerning investments.