[megogirl]

However, as you noted, this thread was to answer a specific question, not to start a new story thread.

Hmmm, who better to ask than Stayed herself?

Stayed, could you tell me what it was that made your H feel as though you were "slipping away?"

This thread was established seeking that answer, only to devolve into something else entirely.....

Thank you in advance xxxx

[Not Applicable]

  I would say taking the time to concoct a list of my negative attributes is quite mean.

It was a summary of facts you have posted about yourself.

If someone holds up a mirror to you and you consider what you see as negative, then that is your own personal assessment of what you see. The person holding the mirror did not create those attributes in you.

[megogirl]

It was a summary of facts you have posted about yourself.

See: Book, Burn

[megogirl]

May I remind you that you posted about something "bad" that happened over 20+ years ago, along with the bullet-pointed "has MS".  "Is bipolar".  "Is an alcoholic."  Were you writing all of those things out of ADMIRATION?!

Please do not continue to insult my intelligence.....or that of anyone else's here......

[Thunder]

I think it would be better if we stop with all the personal attacks and get back to the Discussion topic.

[megogirl]

No problem Thunder

Hopefully Stayed can/will interject to answer this question


 

[Not Applicable]

They are no longer the same person they were, nor should we be the same person we were. You can't be and deal with them and the consequences of their actions.

[Penelope2018]

Going back to the original question...circumstances are different via a vis divorce, contact, remarriage etc...but what seems true for many LBS is that honestly our spouses ARE done with the marriage. Some may waver, some may try to live two lives for a while, some may just vanish. But there is no normal healthy functional marriage after BD. Which is painful to accept but necessary I think. They have already QUIT us....even with a live in imho, the marriage as it was no longer exists bc they remove themselves from being a normal spouse....what remains to be seen is if some want to reconnect at some point.....and the LBS gets to decide then if what is on offer is worthwhile to them or not depending on what kind of person shows up then.

Thank you. I constantly see people going on about this daily, arrogantly too IMO. That somehow they're in a better position because they're still married. No, you aren't. I lived with my husband, obviously, pre-BD and after BD, and for a time after divorce and his behavior was exactly the same. They do not see themselves as married anymore. In fact, I can't remember who said it but someone here even mentioned her husband or xh feeling like he was cheating on the OW for spending time with her. I get it. It makes you feel like there's still some hope. I regret filing for divorce sometimes too. If I were still married this wouldn't be happening to me or it wouldn't be so bad, but it really would! The marriage made no difference in lunatic's behavior. He still texted OW at the kitchen table and even while I lay in bed next to him! And we were married at the time. People gotta stop deluding themselves with this "at least we're still married" mindset. From what I've read, some of them wait five or ten plus years to divorce, but there's a definite possibility that you will be in that situation at some point.

[Not Applicable]

Everything matters. Where they live. And what they do. Every action has consequences. It doesn't mean the results are predictable nor that one can manipulate the results but everything they do and we do affects what comes next. Clearly divorce is not a red line for you but for some it is and therefore it makes a huge difference.

[Keep believing]

WHY DOES ANYONE KEEP TRYING?