[Shockandawe]

Hi Jackolar

I could see from Shocks description of things her h did or said he was in MLC. As for giving advice to someone in MLC it would be completely pointless as I would be going up against an impenetrable wall and anything I said would bounce off. No, I choose to save my advice for the person with clarity and that is the LBS.

Shocks sis

[Anon]

Hi Shock Sis, 

Leading up to and after BD my h’s sexuality seemed to go through an upheaval of sorts.  To be blunt, his appetite soared and an interest in the darker side of sex seemed to emerge.  It had nothing to do with me because by then he had already lost interest in me.   

I’ve always wondered if this is connected to MLC or if it is just a coincidence it developed around the same time.  And if it is MLC related does the sexuality return back to what it was before when the MLC ends.

Can you relate at all to this or do you have any thoughts about it?   

Thanks Shock Sis 🙂

   

[Shockandawe]

Hi Mego

No, that is not what I’m saying. The wedding is most probably part of the fantasy and as it’s a physical event it’s not the same thing as interactive email or text messages.
Tyks h’s reply to her drunken email was typical as when I was going through MLC, very early in, I too took up the mantle of victim in that I had done everything for others and it was time for me now. It’s all very self validating and justifying. I don’t remember much of my interactions with my ex h and even less if those interactions were done via text or email. Even face to face are somewhat blurry.

In time Mego I am sure he will regret all of it but that can be a very long time from now.

Keep strong

Shocks sis

[Treasur]

In time Mego I am sure he will regret all of it but that can be a very long time from now.

Keep strong

Shocks sis

And jmo, someone else's regret does not change the reality in the room.
It may change their future behaviour, but that is not reality yet and may never be.
LBS imho start to heal when we work from the reality we see in front of us and start to choose our own reality beyond that.

[Shockandawe]

Exactly Treasur, Shock here,

The reality of the MLCer is not the reality of the  LBSer. We have the choice to either move forward with our healing and growth or we can become stagnated and stuck. As my sister is constantly telling me there’s not one single thing you can do to help your h but there are so very many things you can do to help yourself.

God bless you all

Shock

[Shockandawe]

Hi Anon

The dark side as you put it fits in with the splitting of the personality in that MLC to my mind anyway, is a crisis of identity amongst FOO issues and depression. Yes I can well understand this as his dark side is another facet of a no holds barred experiment in what I want, freedom from responsibility ride on the crazy bus. It seemed to me that the filter that would normally have been there to stop me from crossing certain boundaries was of no consequence to me in full MLC whilst on the crazy bus.

Once the replay part of MLC was over I returned to normal once again. Don’t worry too much as he’s like a teenager experiencing all the things out of bounds prior to MLC.

Shocks sis

[jacs]

Hi Shock.  I'd like to echo what everyone is saying - thank you so much for this.  As a newbie to all this it really is helping me getting to grips with the whole mess.

Just after BD do you remember being particularly nasty to your H?  Some of things mine has said to me in the last couple of weeks are so vindictive and unnecessary.    It almost feels like he is out to destroy me.  Why? 

[Shockandawe]

Hi Jacs

I remember being positively evil to my ex h in the beginning before I was completely in the fog. The anger and resentment towards my ex h escalated as the fog got thicker. My view on the reason why is because I had the lying going on in my mind that it was his fault that I was unhappy and that the om would make me happy, that I deserved to be happy, that I needed my ex h gone. His begging and pleading just confirmed how weak he was and that made me hate him more.

My anger fuelled monster which spewed out evilness but he was never horrible to me and when the fog began clearing I saw him as strong not weak. Weakness is what I as an MLCer feared as I was weak not my ex h. Justification is what I wanted in the early part of MLC and I would get this from causing him to basically fall apart.
Awful I know but it’s how it was.

Jacs let go and work on you. You’re the strong one because you withstand this onslaught.

[Confused dad]

Hey,

Can you provide us a timeline of sorts to your MLC.  It would be of interest to me and I'm sure others as a comparison to all our unique situations. 

[Mortesbride]

Can I ask what your attitude was like outside of your LBS?

My MLCer seems to have what I can only describe as a pent up rage, particularly aimed at men. (I won't get into his daddy abandonment issues, it is far to obvious why it is men of a particular age and persuasion.)

It is almost as if he is itching for a fight (this from a man who spent most of his life conflict avoidant).

The guy who drives to close to him, the person who get's his coffee wrong, the guy who chastises him for something stupid at work...All are targets and 'trigger' this rage in him.

As you talked about..he also had a filter before that would make him think things, or be annoyed, but he wouldn't have started anything because you know... consequences.

He routinely talks about his 'filter' being broken. About not caring about what happens in the moment.

Did you have anything similar to this while in your MLC? Did you ever find yourself monstering at people other than your LBS?