[Nas]

And I repeat my opinion that I’m baffled by your need to have the statement removed. It is not offensive, nor is it disparaging of disabled people. In fact, as someone with disabilities and with a disabled sister, I like when people point out that being disabled does not have to be a deterrent to a full life. I don’t think you have explained at all why you are finding it offensive. It doesn’t seem that your disabilities have led you to lead a less than full life. And that something to be proud of. So the anger seems misplaced and I’m puzzled by it.  I am personally more offended at your demand to have a statement removed on a forum that allows free speech.

That’s not how we deal with these things on this forum. This forum is about mature people having discussions and expressing their opinions freely. Not about people demanding that a statement that makes them personally feel bad for their own internal reasons be removed.

Again, I implore everyone to please learn from the mistakes of the past. If someone says something that upsets you, it’s your right to feel upset but it’s not everybody else’s responsibility to fix it. And if a person is continuously upsetting you, simply “canceling” them is not the culture that we want to have for this forum. Is it??

[Not Applicable]

Offroad was talking about menopause and its effect on her, which in a way was a temporary disability, and I admire how she handled it. I talked about people I knew, including one who had a disability that I greatly admired because he was able to do things that even most ably bodied men would even bother to attempt and who I would emulate if I ever found myself in a similar situation. I compared that person to others I have met in real life who were the opposite. What does that have to do with anyone in this forum at all?

I would suggest that there are probably a fair number of people on here who are dealing with disabilities and other physical or even mental challenges who are like the man I admired and because they live their lives to the fullest, they do not feel the need to even define themselves in this forum by these conditions because they have psychologically overcome those limitations. They could even be posting on or reading this thread and you wouldn't even know it.

[Mortesbride]

I think as LBS we have to be very careful not to look for any excuse to give to our MLCer so that we can justify still loving and wanting them. To prove that we are right. That they are just temporarily lost. That what we had was real.

Some of us come here hoping it is MLC because they may come out of it, some of us come here hoping it is something else that can be cured...or fixed...or changed. Anything to get them back.

I think it is much harder to accept that while MLC or whatever it is...is a compulsion...it is still all very much a choice.

If they had a mental breakdown, went wild for a week or two...then returned to their normal selves...it would be different. You could say it was just due to stress, or some unfulfilled desire..or some temporary lapse in judgement.

But these MLCers make CHOICES for years. And the consistent choices is not us.

If it was really all about mentally being forced or compelled then..well every now and then they would choose us. Really choose us.

But how can we convince ourselves when they are away for years, consistently choosing something else that it is not their choice at all?

That feels like denial.

[Shockandawe]

It’s a request not a demand.
I feel as a forum of freedom of speech it’s my right to feel the way I do and express that. It’s a two way street after all.
What I do know is I personally would not have used that as an example for precisely the reason it has evoked anger.
I find it in bad taste and no matter how much you may say it’s ok it isn’t.

[Couragedearheart]

FWIW,

There is the hormone and brain confusion of menopause/andropause. A list of attachment disorders. And a slew of fear responses. Limerence from an Affair. And then whatever type of abuse and the age at which it occurred that is happening here.

It’s IMO the perfect storm of all these things combined that result in what we call MLC.

What shock has described sounds like, or could be the combination of the limerence of an affair, menopause and a fear response that is dissociative, due to FOO issues.

Does it really matter?

We are to unique and complex for simple answers and simple solutions. You fell In love with a person because your soul saw their’s and said....”here is a person that will bring all my unhealed hurts to the surface so I can fix them.”

That is what marriage is....that is what relationships are....refining.

We can argue over this one thing....but at most it is a component of what happened.

Each of us is responsible for healing our own hurts instead of using those hurts to hurt other people. Is there a compulsion to it.....maybe....but very frankly if the MLCer had taken ownership and responsibility earlier and worked through their own stuff the situation may have been different.

That they did not, and that you did not prior to this is now and unchangeable, and the only thing you can do with things from the past is learn from it.

Just my opinion....for what it’s worth. 

[Nas]

I agree, Mort.

It’s a request not a demand.
I feel as a forum of freedom of speech it’s my right to feel the way I do and express that. It’s a two way street after all.
What I do know is I personally would not have used that as an example for precisely the reason it has evoked anger.
I find it in bad taste and no matter how much you may say it’s ok it isn’t.

Absolutely 100% completely positively unequivocably inarguably true that it is your right to feel however you feel about the statement...and to express how you feel. But asking for it to be removed because of how it makes YOU feel is what I am objecting to.

[Whyus]

I see Nothing wrong or offensive in NYMs post About disabled People. I have no idea what you read that could have offended you S. Maybe you should go back and read it again, she is just saying that everybody has the choice to either:-
 A/  make the most of their situation
or
B/ Play the victim, give everybody and everything else the blame and give up.

[Not Applicable]

A lot of us have angry MLCers. One thing this experience teaches us is not to cave in to the unreasonable demands of an angry MLCer because they are selfish attempts at controlling us and gaslighting us. It's an experience that we can apply in all aspects of our life, including our interactions with others in this forum. And the anger of a stranger is really just like water off a duck's back after living with a monster for several years.

[nah]

The post was fine.

As was Anjae.

[Shockandawe]

NYM

I am not a mlcer I am a lbs. my sister is the ex mlcer.
I requested not demanded and on that note I shall leave this thread and Jackolar I apologise for the hijack