[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I'm doing ok thanks ,here in the UK we are back in lockdown again so the hobbies I'd started have stopped again, Gym and Golf , I'm just taking it easy and relaxing.

It's good to take a moment and relax and take it easy. Just as long as you are focused on your healing and regaining your sense of control in a senseless situation.

Keep posting,

((((Ready))))

[UrsaMajor]

John,

Trying to make sense of what a Mid-Lifer is doing at any point in time is like trying to taste green with your elbow....

She may be trying to alleviate her guilt by being "friends."
She may be anchor checking to see if you are still where she left you (safe on the porch in a pile of goopy Kleenexes in a rocking chair crocheting lace doilies and waiting for her to return)
She may simply be chattering away for lack of anything else pressing
She may simply be bored and not have anyone else that she can spontaneously reach out to.... 

There is NO way to know what is going on in the fog....

So.... Like Ready said, it's all good so long as you are focused on your own healing and regaining your sense of control over the one thing you really have control over - yourself, your emotional health, and your own life.....

[John T]

My W wanted to get in touch by phone about, passwords I'd left on an iPad I'd given her, so we had a chat about all sorts , she told me what her world was like these days , no mention of the OM ,she was all friendly and asking about what I'm up to an hour phone call .She gave the impression she's a bit lonely .

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

First of all, you are doing great. You didn't get sucked into a relationship talk, but you listened and were friendly, but not friends. I am sorry that she is lonely, but that was a choice she made and their are consequences to choices.

Note it as a positive, but don't put too much faith into anything she says. As I have stated before and will state again, take care of yourself and keep a positive attitude on what you can control.

((((Ready))))

[John T]

I've properly reached detachment


It's not something you can make a decision to do in mental cut off . I've found that memories that are painful at first seem to ease and one by one they get put in a box which is of your marriage and the grieving process moves on
Your future starts to come into focus for the first time , the burden of pain becomes manageable and your mental  strength returns with added strength.

[OffRoad]

I am so glad for you, JohnT. It's not an easy process and comes with time. How are you doing in general?

[John T]

I'm feeling much better now and am coping well with the separation,and no longer feel it's the end of the world .
Every one says detach it can't just be done it builds slowly like everything in this process it's time .

[Standing Strong]

Get to hear JT 

Very difficult process detachment is. Congrats!!

Hope it's getting easier and more attention put on yourself.

Right on!

-SS

[John T]

Starting to notice my improvements in me , swapped a heating radiator over today something I've never done before,  took my time firstly and did everything in a logical order put the new one on and it leaked slightly (My fault) instead of getting annoyed with myself I took it apart and resealed the leak and it worked. A sense of achievement.

A side note my mlc w is getting in contact about all sorts of things , she phoned me in a panic thinking she'd upset me with a comment  which she hadn't, I could hear the panic and fear in her voice . I'm just detaching from her and letting her find her own path . I always answer her , I won't ask about us . She tried to fix a plumbing problem at her place, after a few attempts I offered  to help

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

swapped a heating radiator over today something I've never done before,

Great job, I learned to make minor repairs on my car. I replaced my brakes and started changing my own oil. It is a great sense of accomplishment when everything comes together.  Even when things don't go right. The other day, I was replacing the rotors to my car and stripped one of the screws holding the rotor. However, I used my friend Youtube and a trip to home depot and got the little monster out. Once again, great feeling as I saw that screw come out.

A side note my mlc w is getting in contact about all sorts of things , she phoned me in a panic thinking she'd upset me with a comment  which she hadn't, I could hear the panic and fear in her voice .

Yes, she is panicking because you are no longer jumping at her whims. Fear is beginning to set in when the reality is that you were not the source of all her issues. That there is something else at play. Her issue is all about questioning who she is and her sense of self. It's like my house, its getting old and needs work. A person can either put the time in and repair the house, add some paint, build a new door, and slowly but surely move forward. The MLCer decides to raze the entire house and start from scratch.

Both work, but which one is harder?

Keep posting and I am glad to hear from you,

((((Ready)))))