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Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome

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My Story Reconnecting We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome
#50: May 10, 2023, 11:56:08 PM
Quote from: Slow Fade on May 10, 2023, 08:31:38 AM
I do think guilt plays a huge part of things. They really get stuck between a rock and a hard place. Of their own making of course, but the demons in their mind can chase them into really bad places.

The problem here is that, until they stop running and confront/heal/work through those demons, they will be stuck in those bad places/with those bad choices.... But that is on them. ... just like an alcoholic that has to admit they need help, the MLC'er has to admit (at least to themselves) that the source of their demons is INSIDE rather than external and then to the work required to exorcise them.....
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Me - 61, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
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We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome
#51: May 11, 2023, 08:03:16 AM
Very True, Ursa.

That is the frustrating part of MLC. They have to exorcise their demons and face their fears and work through it all and we can't make them or push them or shame them into it.

I can't even imagine what that would feel like and I hope I never do.

H and I were talking about retirement, and I said that I was hesitant to voice my opinions for fear that he would be unhappy and run again. (People pleaser anyone?  ::) and yes, I'm working on those issues as well) and he said "Well, I don't think I would every do THAT again." Hmmm. I kind of gave him a raised eyebrow side eye and he just looked down.
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We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome
#52: May 25, 2023, 09:51:13 PM
Hello Slow Fade :)

Long time. Attaching to read and dropping by to say it’s good to see you. 😀 and Ursa Major
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We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome
#53: May 26, 2023, 08:01:08 AM
Good to hear from you! I'm still lurking from time to time.

We are like watching grass grow at the moment.  ;D ;D

A little older, a little grayer, a little fluffier....... 8)
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Married 18
BD April 2012
Left home Nov 2012
Home May 2016
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#54: October 02, 2023, 10:58:22 AM
Still lurking!

It is with a heavy heart that I tell you that my Mom passed away on Wednesday. She was my rock through my H's MLC and supported me in every way she could. She was living with us so she was witness to all the devastation that is MLC.....She suffered with Lewy Body Dementia for the last 7 years....She was in a wonderful care facility, but it was a horrific thing to watch. She is at peace finally, possibly for the first time in her life.....And my MLC husband was wonderful throughout and is wonderful with helping with preparations for her service.....

Life is messy!
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Married 18
BD April 2012
Left home Nov 2012
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Nas

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We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome
#55: October 02, 2023, 11:04:37 AM
I'm so sorry, SF. I'm glad to hear you have support from your H.
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The desire to be loved is the last illusion. Give it up and you shall be free. ~ Margaret Atwood
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#56: October 02, 2023, 11:29:35 AM
So sorry for your loss, SF
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg
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Re: We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome
#57: October 02, 2023, 02:24:35 PM
I´m so glad you had her support and am sending you strength as you close that chapter.
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me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13
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We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome
#58: October 02, 2023, 04:28:32 PM
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom. I hope now that you can start remembering the good years instead of the years the ugly disease took from her and her life. So nice to hear your H was a strength for you.
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
June 2022 XH bring OW to meet family due to xMIL illness
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife
May 2024 xMIL visits XH/OW in their new home
Aug 2024 cut relations w/XH fam.
Dec 2024 D33 expecting baby ( XH not told)
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We Rise, We Heal, We Overcome
#59: October 02, 2023, 11:27:31 PM
Sorry Slow Fade. The loss of a parent is a really tough thing. Prayers for you and your family.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

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