[JohnnyBravo]

This is over ten years old, but I only found it last week, so...

As we all move forward through fits and starts, find ourselves navigating holidays in a different way that before, and sometimes wonder what the heck we're doing, we can always give it one more try:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XXPGE0klmc

https://www.wsj.com/articles/BL-SJB-7041

Have a great week!

[MadLuv]

So, get a motorcycle and ride all your troubles away? Sounds like a plan!!

[JohnnyBravo]

Hey, all!

Not sure why this thought occurred to me or why I'm writing about it; probably just to clear it out of my head. I've mentioned previously that my ex-wife and I had a friend in our old town who was a) a train wreck and a narcissist, and b) gave my ex-wife divorce advice. I just remembered something and considered it from a different angle. Some time before Covid, friend Z came to visit us. The three of us went out to a place that's popular for dancing, and at one point Z said, "You've got to ask XW to dance!" XW and I had dance together very few times in our relationship. I think I originally put this off as Z knowing what's best for everyone, as she had done that a lot in the past in various situations. XW and I didn't really know this kind of dancing, but nonetheless I asked her to dance during a slow song, and she didn't want to. I seem to remember Z pushing the issue, and I asked again, but XW didn't want to. In retrospect, I wonder if XW had already confided in Z that she was thinking of leaving, no longer excited, whatever, and Z was trying to help me kickstart things. That certainly puts Z in a better light, although she still isn't someone I would consider continuing a friendship with without some other connection. Her and her (now ex) husband were funny and fun to hang out with, but there was just a sort of "ick" ask the kids say these days. It would also indicate that my ex's doubts about our marriage started much earlier than I thought, which would be par for the course.

As we all can guess, I don't think convincing her to have a dance that night would have changed anything. In fact, we went to the same place later on for free dance lessons night and had a great time, and signed up for dance lessons after. Then Covid hit, so that was halted for a while, and when they re-opened, my ex didn't want to go because "we wouldn't meet anyone else fun there" or something like that. She really just wanted that new blast of attention and excitement, which seems to be the taste sensation that's sweeping the nation these days.

In other news, there have been discussions about tarot cards and other mysticism on other threads. My ex wife used to watch tarot card readers on YouTube, and wanted to get a reading when we went to New Orleans (she ultimately didn't). She used to watch all sorts of YouTube stuff in bed before going to sleep. One night I asked her how a generic tarot reading off of YouTube could be interpreted as applying to her (or anybody; I don't know if they were done with particular birthdays, whatever in mind), and she replied that she looked for consistent patterns. I think she then said that there was a pattern of her coming into money, which I guess was a bit of a sign. Well, she didn't come into money, she (and her lawyer) had to EARN it, baby!

In other-other news, I've been starting to pack secondary belongings in preparation for buying and moving into a smaller house to save time later. I've been packing a lot of books, reading some as I go along. Last week I started Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (I'm not sure if I've read it before or not.) For those who haven't read it, the protagonist was kidnapped by an alien race that had mastered time travel. Because of that, they believe that everyone exists simultaneously in every moment of their life. When someone dies or experiences something bad, they don't regard it as bad; it's just an event on a timeline while the same person is experiencing great joy at some other point on their timeline. When something bad happens, they only respond with, "So it goes."

Looking at it from that perspective, even if I'm not thrilled now, JB of 5-6 years ago was very happy and excited for the future, and always will be. JB of two years ago was miserable and always will be (so it goes), but JB of tomorrow may be quite happy.

(Apologies if I offended the literati with that synopsis; I'm an engineer for a reason.)

I thought I had one other tidbit, but it's time to eat. Cheers!

JB

[JohnnyBravo]

I was listening to the radio this afternoon, and this song came on with an intro by the artist. She said she was going to therapy to deal with "the big sad," but she kept talking about anything but. Her therapist said, "Olivia, you can't speed this process up, but you CAN slow it down."

So there ya go.

Olivia Barton, "Big Sad"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkX0FORr-6A

[sachertorte]

Last week I started Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut Jr. (I'm not sure if I've read it before or not.) For those who haven't read it, the protagonist was kidnapped by an alien race that had mastered time travel. Because of that, they believe that everyone exists simultaneously in every moment of their life. When someone dies or experiences something bad, they don't regard it as bad; it's just an event on a timeline while the same person is experiencing great joy at some other point on their timeline. When something bad happens, they only respond with, "So it goes."

Looking at it from that perspective, even if I'm not thrilled now, JB of 5-6 years ago was very happy and excited for the future, and always will be. JB of two years ago was miserable and always will be (so it goes), but JB of tomorrow may be quite happy.

(Apologies if I offended the literati with that synopsis; I'm an engineer for a reason.)

JB, as a self-anointed literatus (is that the singular?) I wholeheartedly second your synopsis! (Which Vonnegut is it that starts with the Dresden Allies bombing?) I came across the exact same point in the show The Good Place (not very literary of me I know; the audio-visual has Sirened me away from books more than I care to dwell on; exH was insecure about my supposed erudition, being an engineer himself. I wish we could have worked on that.) The thought helped me to no end in living in peace with my loss. My losses coexist with the bliss of all my relationships, and I step aside to bask in the glow cast by the bliss onto that loss.

It's fantastic to see you work with that angle on this radiant idea. Thanks for sharing and cheers.

[JohnnyBravo]

Thanks, Sacher!

Brief journal: Lots going on (more later), so I've been reading a bit, but not really responding on the board. I started dating another woman, and we've been out 4-5 times, and I realize it's just not for me. But, she's really into me (misses me during the week, etc.), so I'm really not looking forward to breaking up with her. I feel like she doesn't have a lot going on in her life (she's 2 years older than me), but I know it's not my job to give her something to do. She's a widow, so she's been through enough bad stuff, and I'm sure she's stronger from that, but dangit, I still don't like it. (She's got kids and a granddaughter, and her parents, so I know she has a network of sorts.)

Not the usual for HS, but you're the people I know...

JB

[Nas]

Ugh, sorry, JB. Breaking up with someone SUCKS. But good on you for knowing yourself well enough to end it early.

[JohnnyBravo]

Thank you, Nas. I appreciate that.

[JohnnyBravo]

This is also a reminder that I need to review the Detachment Reminder Cards from RCR's Detach and Thrive...

[JohnnyBravo]

Well, that's done. It sucks because with all of the pop culture of "bears are better than men" and "women are horrible," the two women I've dated since my divorce were absolutely not that and very caring. Ugh. I also found tonight that I was presuming a lot of things in my head. She was ultimately sad but understanding, and absolutely acted our age. Which of course makes me feel worse, but I don't think the door is closed if I finally settle and reconsider.

Thank you for the eyeballs.

JB