[Standing Strong]

Hey F5 

One thing that jumps out at me is: She knows how to shut you down. Anything she doesn't like and she pulls the insurance card and ends any productive discussion.
A very effective defensive mechanism.......
They know where these hot-buttons are, and they will use them until they don't work.

What do you think?

-SS

[Father5]

I think your right but I think it’s more that she knew that putting his name on that doc was a way to push my buttons. I am still trying to get the hook out of my mouth

[5hilmerton]

Hey F5,
just catching up.  Thank you for posting your new thread.  A lot going on, but you always stay the course.  I cannot imagine how difficult it must be with young minors. It's certainly tough i wish you the strength and wisdom to do what's best for your son. I have always let my pride get in my way I realize now that pride will not pay my bills.

Take care,
5hil

[HeavenlyFocus]

Hi F5,

I wanted to let you know that I think we all periods in life where we don't grow and become stagnant.   I definitely as in such a period prior to to BD and it was a difficult time for me.  Hang in there and hope you are able to heal and grow in the coming months as years.

As for the OM, I am not sure how I will react if the OM becomes public.  I know my XW still probably has the OM in her life and yet it has been hidden from me and everyone I know.   If it does become public, I too will struggle with that reality.   Ultimately, I am going to try to not spend much time or thought about him.   Not worth it as the OM isn't worth my time although it's easier said than done to ignore the OM.

Wish you all the best this week.

HF

[Father5]

Hi guys

I am in need of some much needed advice. I have been offered a position in another state. It’s not a job I would like or enjoy but the pay is so good I would be able to get out the LARGE hole I am in in. Just a few years. Maybe even retire early.

 My kids are my everything and I wouldn't be able to take them with me. If I felt I had any other options I would take them even at least money but enough to just scrape by on. Unfortunately I live in a very expensive area.

  My son isn't taking the news well. My daughter wanted to go with me but I don't think splitting them up is best for them. They are best friends even if they won't admit it.

  I have not stopped crying for them. I am at a loss of what to do. I am really close to being homeless. I am not seeing another way but I can't fathom not seeing my kids regularly. The flights are cheap and I would be able to go back and forth regularly but it’s not the same as being there for them. I feel like I am letting everyone down. I love being a father!

[Zion]

Is this something you could give a 6-12 month commitment?  See how it goes?

[Father5]

No it’s all or nothing

[UrsaMajor]

Sample of One disclaimer here -

F5, I ended up in the position you are in, almost to the letter except that flights were not cheap and, while I was able to get out of the debt hole, I could only see my D32 very irregularly. That has had a significant impact on our R as well as I suspect, her life. I flew her out last month for a week (that is all the time off she could afford) and we worked on re-establishing our relationship. It was positive but sad work.

The bottom line is that, unless there are really compelling reasons to do so (and it doesn't sound like there are that many other than purely financial), I personally would not recommend it. ....

[MomOfSteel]

Oh my heart hurts for you.  This is a hard decision for sure.  I don’t know that I have great advice, but know I’m following along rooting for you and thinking of you.  Hugs.

[Father5]

    I have sent a mesage to my ex asking if she would allow them to come with me. They are thriving here which is why I wouldn't want to move them but her schedule is way more flexable. She would  able to come visit for weeks at a time if she wanted. I offerred to pay for flights and all. We will see, I really don't see another way out of all of this. My son was a mess when we talked about it.