[Ready2Transform]

Father5, I have no experience in this, but I want to encourage you that with technology being what it is, you still have good opportunities to connect with your kids screen-to-screen daily. I know it's not the same as physical visitation that is more frequent when you live in the same locale, but you are a proactive dad who has already priced out those flights and considered all angles, so we all know you'll be doing everything you can to make this work. The homelessness/financial aspect is not something every LBS can relate to - but I certainly can. Came very close, and was bankrupted by my ex's drama. You have an opportunity to start over, get your feet back under you, and give your kids more opportunities. I for one am happy for you, even though I know it comes with this dilemma. You are not abandoning your kids though, like a lot of the MLCers we see here do. You are working hard FOR them. And they know that, and will continue to. And their visits will be super special times. Just wanted to show you some support! Big hugs!

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I went a registered the kids for school and while doing so I noticed she put the OM as an emergency contact.

Just as Standing Strong stated, she knows how to push your buttons. Just like the time she brought OM with her when she dropped off the kids and you almost had a row with him. She likes pushing your buttons because when you lose your temper, it justifies her bad choices. I'm not a cheater, Father is an out of control man and I had no choice.

As far as the job, I suggest you go for it as it is a long term win. It enables you to do more for your children and relieves a lot of stress off of you. That's going to make you a better father and enable you to provide quality time with the kids.

As far as your ex letting you take the kids, be prepared for an initial no. She may want them gone, but she still likes to poke the bear and may just say no because you want a yes. However, if she says no, keep your cool and move forward. Once the reality sinks in and the work begins, she will probably relent.

I am really happy for you and I only wish the best for you. I know how hard the past few months have been and this is an opportunity for you to move forward with your life and a great opportunity to support your kids. Just let them know how much you love them and want them to have a great life with you.

((((Ready)))))

[forthetrees]

Can you petition the court to take them with you explaining the reason for the move? At what age are they allowed to express their preferences? I worry about your mental health taking a toll by missing your kiddos and doing unfulfilling work. Can you work remotely and move to a less expensive city that is still in the area where you are currently?

[Father5]

HI FTT,

   Yes I thought about that if they were both on board. My son who is very smart and a little excentric has a hard time making friends. He talks about big things like physics and such which bore most of us. ( I fake it as best I can) He has a great group and has found his peeps. I would hate to upset that as he is thriving where he is. I think I will have to come back every other weekend and do the best I can.

  If I can make the money that was discussed at the new gig. I would come back as soon as I can. Dig myself out of this hole and put some money away quickly. I think their college adult life I will be able to be a huge part of. It's not that far off. I will be sad for sure and cry often. I really don't see another choice for me going forward.

  The work is unfulfilling but the pay is very good. I am hoping a fresh start will be able to hget me out of the rut I have been in for almost four years now. This depression needs to end and maybe being able to provide will help me get there.

[Nas]

I know this is a hard decision. FWIW, I wish for your sake the work wasn't unfulfilling, but I think your line of thinking makes a lot of sense. The impact of financial and especially home instability is huge and long lasting and ripples in ways one might never imagine. If you can keep the hole you're currently in from getting bigger and start to dig out of it, you might open yourself up to being able to make different decisions in the future, maybe even pivot at some point in the next years and do something else that's more satisfying and closer to your kids, because you'll have firmer financial footing, better physical and mental health and a stable environment from which to make different choices then. Making choices from within "the hole" is nearly impossible and things never look the same from inside there. I'm rooting for you, F5.

[Standing Strong]

Opportunity begets opportunity F5 

How many doors will open when the finances are good?.... and we all do things we don't like until we can do other things we like more.

Rooting for ya all the way!!!

-SS

[FaithWalker]

I hope you are doing well, F5, whatever you decided.

[MomOfSteel]

How are things going F5?  I hope you are doing well and finding peace. 

[Father5]

Hi Everyone ,

It has been a while for me. I ha e been in the new are for almost Te’o months now. I fly out to see my kids every two weeks as planned. They come out this weekend for a week . The work is tough and the hours are long but it seems to have helped me move forward in a way and not think about MLC for a while. (Though I do miss you guys )

  I am in a new house with a new car and making good money. Stepping back I can really see my growth come through. I am making decisions and not letting as much corporate drama affect me. I do not think people are out for my job all the time. Even if they were there isn’t much I can do about it. So I put it in Gods hands. I can’t explain how this has helped me grow but it has in ways I couldn’t have imagined five years ago. BD is the 27th of this month.

I do not communicate with my ex still. There is no banter or small  talk anymore. It’s kids and times etc. very business like. It’s so very sad all of it. I work a lot so I haven’t had time to date but would like a new relationship at some point. I feel good and I feel proud of myself for the first time in a very long time.

Thank you all for the well wishes and advice you have truly saved me from myself.

[Treasur]

What a lovely update, Father.
You should feel proud of yourself for wading through the s$it and making a different life that works for you and your kids with the cards you held. That’s no mean achievement, is it? 
Hope you have a great week with your kids!