[beyondblessed]

100% scam. Your W isn’t the closest person to this attorney.  They would have targeted his family members etc.  The guy is trying to con your W.

Exactly.  Sounds like a soap opera daytime drama script.

[Standing Strong]

Journaling..... [June 28th]

Well..... finally..... it's all over. What a drama-fest.

This actually was a really good thing.

So MIL headed for the hills with boyfriend, and W had days and days of constant communication with the captors.
She started working with the police, and it was non-stop drama..... which W was eating up like a buffet. 
We went to lunch over the weekend, and I told her I thought it was a scam...... she was annoyed by that. HA!!! 
The "friend"/OM even recorded a message that totally convinced W..... "He sounded terrified..... I don't believe he could fake that". 
Well, he did. 

In the end, the cops had traced the phone (it took forever), and were sending traffic cam photos to W (trying to verify the people involved - she showed me one of the pictures).
The whole fiasco ended when the cops had W send a Western Union yesterday (very small amount), and they went to pick it up. The cops missed, and they picked up the wired money and were super angry about the amount...... then W convinced them it was a mistake on Western Union's part and to go back so it could be corrected - then the cops got them on the second pickup.

There were four of them: OM, his two brothers, and some other guy. W and MIL are going to press charges, and they will be going to jail somewhere between 6 months and two years (or so I'm told).

As I identified years ago when I discovered who this person is - he's a predator.... and I was right.

Now all the good things.......
The 1st is: I have a lot more information now for the showdown between W and myself later on. Much harder to deny things (which I assume she will) when she slipped details in her emotional state these last five days. Things that I will ask like...... so this "friend"  you know all about his family , his brothers, their history, where they live? Why? How? They know where your condo is? Why? Why would anyone be there with you? AND most telling of all..... they were convinced that you'd send cash (already done it once  ) WHY!!! There's only one kind of person who sends cash like that: a girlfriend ("in wuv").
I'm not going to relish the showdown, but it is coming and I'm looking forward to it in many ways...... and it's going to be brutal. So many questions, so many slipped details over the years, so much info...... she'll take it, or she'll quit. No rug sweeping.

2nd good thing: It appears MIL will leave the country, and W will sell her condo. Even though they were caught, these are bad people and they won't be gone forever (or if there's more bad people). I'm happy MIL will leave that country, and move close to her family here (for the 1st time since her MLC): Another MLC healing finally coming to a total conclusion after 31 years  . Also happy W won't be going to South America anymore either. I don't know how difficult or long it'll take to dump those two properties.... but whatever. A small cost.

3rd good thing: W didn't care enough about OM to send money (good) - but on the flip side, she obviously wanted to believe he wouldn't do something like that to her, and she was extremely emotional about the whole thing (I think at it's apex yesterday she had a breakdown - but I was at work and didn't witnesses it). I see this is the unfairness so many LBS have to experience when it comes to their spouse and some filthy OM/OW. Closing the feelings for the OM/OW isn't a simple thing - seeing what someone else means to them isn't fun: Actually it totally sucks.

4th good thing: The OM is destroyed. Everything about the fantasy of this person should be concluded and broken now. He cheated her, he stole from her, betrayed her, broke her marriage..... what else is there? She truly did give this person everything. Beyond disgusting, but this is what happens in MLC. No sense in denying it or prettying it up. The only good thing is it doesn't make us (LBS) worthless, it makes them (MLC'er) worth less. 

As for me..... I'm glad this happened. The positives were needed..... now more movement will occur.... and of course, more information isn't a blessing - it's a reminder. Understanding more just means understanding how broken she is/was, knowing how far she could really fall, and seeing clearer what I was abandoned for.

It is quite refreshing to be honest.
In the beginning, to be abandoned meant being less than whatever it was she was leaving for.
It's not that I was less - I'm not diminished one bit........ she was less, far less.... and unfortunately always was.


Journaling....... [Today July 7th]
OM and his peeps pleaded guilty to all charges.... this will shorten their sentence, but I don't know what that means with time.
MIL didn't press charges out of fear  leaving W to do it all herself. Not happy about that.
It seems the plan is still to abandon South America (good).
W is getting more clingy to me - wanting to do more and more...... talking about memories nonstop...... "Remember this?" "Remember that?". Um yeah, I've remembered everything all along.  I wonder if the return of all memory and emotion to the MLC'er is "smooth" or it's like something relived (or just simple remembering). Whichever it is, she seems to be chugging along happy to point our history....... for me I can't help but instantly view it with suspicion: as though it is manipulation....... but what I think it really is, is an attempt to reconnect and form a bond. Still, I will guard myself. Simple memories are NOT going to reattach me.   
She also is telling me about every counseling session now....... she keeps saying that her life is a choice, and what she does, who she is, what she will be: a choice. Well duh, I've been telling you that for how many years? Yeah, you wouldn't listen.... couldn't listen.... and I'm glad you're figuring it out finally, but I'm not where you left me.... you have no idea where I am now.

Well, enough about her.... on to me!!! 
We were hacked at work a little more than a week ago by Russians. Sheesh, these people sure know how to make a mess. I've been working 12+ hours every day since then. This weekend was my 1st time off since it started....... I've had 4 naps already, HA!!!
The coolest thing about all this is though, I know what to do. Everyone is so lost and doesn't have a clue...... so I tell them "this way" and they follow. Before MLC, I think I'd have been more reserved, stopped and listened, gotten consensus, been dragged down in indecision, or waited for someone to make a decision. Now it's just "This way!!! Let's go!!!! Get up!!! No time for piddling around!!! Move!!!".    The reaction is wonderful, reforming teams into something effective and with purpose. Looking around at the destruction I see what needs doing..... and everyone else is locked in paralysis. I LOVE grabbing everyone and moving them back into the fight. Fluid chaos....... I'm completely in my element (thanks MLC  ).

On a better note - the next pinball machine arrives on Tuesday!!! WOOOHOOOO!!! I'm so excited!!! It'll be fun, but it's also staying true to my plan of getting ready for retirement in a couple years. Prep-Work. HA!!!

9 weeks until vacation...... I'm counting the days. Going to need it more than I could have possibly known when I booked. It's going to be a rough rest of the year...... ultra busy, stressful, meh...... that's life. Bring on the vacations!!! 

No matter what, I love life, and I'm the master of mine. Nothing will stop me......

One day at a time,

-SS

[Finding Joy]

Wow!  Crazy what happened with her ex OM. 

It truly does last so long that most of us are completely emotionally done.  It comes down to a choice at the end and for me I had absolutely no feelings involved, just a hope for the future.

So sorry it has been long and drawn out for you as well.  I really don’t know how you haven’t asked her yet about the affair(s).  Probably why wife stayed and my husband early on was gone.  I wouldn’t stop digging and leave it be.

Hope you are well Standing🙏

[FaithWalker]

Caught up SS - wow, crazy story about the OM.  I'm glad he and his cronies were caught.

[sachertorte]

Wow. Just, wow. You rock. Pillar of strength.

I am reminded of a couple of things I posted to an online forum: one about how my xH acted, the other one about a teen relationship I had  (which I revised in my head due to FOO issues and only recently realized because I reread my journal; huge trigger because of MLC fallout) and where this teen love of mine and I ended up in life.

The xH one got loads of skeptics. One guy wrote (I copied it because it was telling):

"like other comments have said, i have trouble figuring out if this is just a well-written joke or not. "

It wasn't even hell or highwater. What xH did was ho-hum in the context of this forum. No restraining order, money scams, catfights, police -- just vanilla bad behavior. We really are the elect when it comes to spousal mistreatment. Most people blame us for telling tall tales. Or does this happen to all divorcees? It's true that we are shunned by friends who are still married, so maybe this is just the silo effect of a society that wishes to maintain its beliefs around human nature and sacred marriage. Heaven knows I am as anxious as the next person to maintain those beliefs.

The teen love one was immediately deleted by the moderator bots because it was tagged as fictional clickbait. The most extraordinary elements were not even included as I wanted to keep the identifying details out. As it stood it was just a watered-down West Side story.

I was furious but couldn't do anything about it. But I know people on this forum would believe me. Life is so much stranger than fiction.

Like so many of us your OM story is just another notch in your gemmed belt. Feels good to be incredible, right?

So many eye-opening things in life. Front-row seat to the high drama. Bring it on life. We have been rebuilt and will face up to it. Cheers.

[Standing Strong]

What a crazy month!! HA!!! 

Journaling:

Well, the OM & crew are still in jail - but they're fighting like crazy to get out. I don't keep up on that drama, but W hired an attorney to try and keep them in jail. The system is so corrupt down there, the bad people evidently paid off the prosecutor who in turn was dropping the charges. 
I don't know what's going to happen, but evidently it's not going well and it looks like they will go free very soon (perhaps as early as tomorrow).
What this means for MIL, W's condo, and whatever else..... no idea. I wish they'd abandon that country, but that's not looking like what's going to happen either. Really dumb if you ask me.
As for W....... lots of change. She is chasing, chasing, chasing..... well, at least for now. I see the sweet woman that she once was, and that's nice. She wants to play pinball together almost every night, she's always looking at me, always checking on me, saying "thank you", calling my name, the whole nine yards....... this isn't the person from during the crisis, or even the years preceding the crisis..... this is someone either from long long long ago or someone who is pretty much newly rebuilt. There isn't any more Spanish music playing, now it's gospel music nonstop.... no more Spanish language lessons.... and she's transitioned from counseling to life coaching with the same therapist.
Striking...... but I'm not allowing myself to be caught.


On to me!! After six weeks following the cyber attack at work - most things are back to normal. Whew!!! That was ROUGH!!! Late nights every night, weekends, it was a ton of work. Very happy that is mostly done. Now I get to see what changes are going to happen in the aftermath. 
Back to dieting and exercise now that there's time again.... and only a month until a major vacation!! Woohoo!!  I have a strong sense that W will ask to join me next year..... but I could be wrong: I thought that last year too, HA!!  I don't even know what that would be like. Difficult to imagine.

I'm going to try a scaled back version of the potato diet were you eat plain potatoes to fill you up with little calories (and difficult to digest). How interesting that if you cook a potato, then refrigerate it, then heat it up again - the bad part becomes mostly indigestible. Never knew that before. I have an idea to combine it with my favorite heathy food: eggs. Cook two eggs medium, then core out the indigestible potato center to make mashed and throw the eggs on top of that to give flavor and eat the crispy skins (my favorite part) by themselves. Then the fat in the yolk slows down any carbs that can still be digested, get some protein, and be super full..... all while tasting really good. Win/Win. Going to try it this week.
My goal for this year is bucket list item: Single digit bodyfat = 9%.  A long way to go, but I really want to see what I'd look like when I get there. Always wondered. And then I'm going to buy a nice, fitted suit and top it off with cufflinks. 

On to the little dog!!! The terror of the neighborhood is happy and healthy. Such a joy. In a strange and new twist, W has started asking to take him to the park together on the hot days (so he can be on grass). This is new, and we've gone a handful of times already. She doesn't want to walk him, she wants US to walk him at the park. Hmmmmmm.
Needless to say, the little dog is overjoyed. 

Well, one month to go..... I need a vacation.

One day at a time,

-SS

[JohnnyBravo]

Holy moly!

I remember seeing your July post and meaning to get back to it, but I never did. What an "adventure." Curious to see how this all winds down with your wife and the big showdown. (Reckoning? Owning?)

My goal for this year is bucket list item: Single digit bodyfat = 9%.  A long way to go, but I really want to see what I'd look like when I get there. Always wondered. And then I'm going to buy a nice, fitted suit and top it off with cufflinks. 

Follow my three-step process:
1) Find a new place to live
2) Rent a truck
3) Move yourself



I moved into a new place over the course of a month and did most of the transportation over 4-5 days. I was so anxious about being able to move everything I'd be up at 4:00 am loading the truck, have something quick for breakfast, and not eat again until "dinner." I have to put another hole in my belts on the small side, and a friend of mine at work even noticed.

The new place needs a lot of work in the back yard if you're interested...

Glad to hear you're doing well!

JB

[Standing Strong]

HA!!! JB 
That sounds like a great muscle builder!! 

Journaling:
Things are moving at the finish line in MLCland. 
W came to me today and said it looks like she has a buyer for her Condo...... wow. I didn't even know she was selling it. Maybe an early Oct closing. How about that? She's throwing everything overboard that has anything to do with MLC...... and I recognize her again.
Of course she still hasn't come clean - very obvious she's hoping it just goes away...... nope.
OM & co. are still in jail, and W is fighting tooth and nail to keep them there. She's spent thousands on the attorney to try and get the book thrown at them..... beyond that, I have no idea, nor do I care.
Expect for the drama she's brought on herself - this is the most calm I've seen W in...... I don't know..... 14 years? It's very nice to see, and also to see her enjoying her life..... not the fake keeping busy stuff she did forever.... but really enjoying her life. Drawing, reading, painting, relaxing, she's talking like crazy, she IS trying...... and she just started working out again (again).
It's nice to see...... and I get no "Danger feels" from her direction.
The reconnecting to her family is super strong... oh she'd talk to them before (especially MIL), but now her bond to her sister is like *BING*..... they talk every day now. Also nice to see it go from nothing, to a little, to some, to somewhat regular, to regular but reserved, to now being real sisters again. Laughter is in their conversations..... just like it used to be. I wonder if SIL is even really aware? Communication has been going for the last couple years with them, so she's had a sister for a while now. She probably thinks W exited MLC a while ago. HA!!! Last on the list..... Last on the list.

On to the little dog!!!! He ran into his girlfriend the other day.... a small German Shepard who is at least double his size. He growled and barked at her from across the street, and she cried. He is a fearless little guy, and he wants the neighborhood to know it's all his. Small hound = big personality.   

On to me!! Three weeks to vacation!! Woohooo!!! I'm tired, I need one. The potato diet is going well. I'm easing into it. Ate 9 potatoes last week. Not a bad start. I think it does help eat less..... and I have prepared them plain. No problem there, I really like it. Now to start lifting again. Looking forward to that too. 

I have to admit... I like the end of MLC a whole lot more than the beginning. Still plenty of questions, still plenty to be worked out for there to be a future....... but it's a lot less then when the world was falling apart. The most difficult thing (for me) continues to be what is lost, and the time which has passed. What is gained is wonderful and priceless..... how human to still look at the cost. On the other side of the coin is this person (W) is better than she was before. How strange!!! It's like "I know you.... but you're different, somehow". Mature.... yes, that's it. I just put my finger on it.... Mature.
Hmmmmm, now that's something to consider.

One day at a time,

-SS 

[Baxter1]

SS-

Love the update! I gotta try that potato diet…

[MadLuv]

I’m not on here much, but trying to catch up on some stories and journaling. Well, I did not realize yours would go straight to a lifetime movie network story. Holy Bejesus!!  That is also the best OM discard forever ending. No chance of running back to him!! Heheheh