[Localhero22]

Update - it has been a relatively quiet few days. Until today that is. She has continued to turn up at the property when we aren’t there or going in to the garage and keeps texting daughter - she’s had a lawyers letter asking her to desist and the next stage would be a restraining order or non-molestation order which is a pretty strong step to take - it’s in the balance though.

Today our home landline rang - we have one just in case the mobile signal drops off and 99% of the time it’s scammers so I picked up the phone this morning assuming it’s another scammer and it’s my wife. Claiming to be in AED with severe chest pains so naturally the protective instinct kicks in and I start questioning her about her health at which point she asks me to take her Ford pickup to the garage for a service !

This is the woman who is alleging harassment and extreme abuse yet she’s asking me to get her truck sorted for her ! Then the abuse starts of course and allegations of stalking and hacking in to all of her accounts - frankly I haven’t got the time and the interest to do so and it feels like paranoia is kicking in with her.

Foolishly I then texted her to check up on her and her condition and we exchange about 20 texts in which she is abusive and nasty again alleging that I have done all kinds of $h!te whilst I text her back to offer support and help . Very foolish of me I know.

So now I’m expecting the cops to show up tomorrow again with an arrest warrant for breaking the bail condition of no contact. I feel such a fool for allowing myself to be drawn in and don’t even know now whether the hospital story was the truth or not.

Help !

[Treasur]

It sounds as if you need a restraining order. I don’t know what more she needs to do to demonstrate that her behaviour is an unreasonable threat to you and your daughter’s wellbeing. Do you? Tbh, I wouldn’t wait for the police to turn up and be on the back foot…I would contact them yourself, file a complaint and do whatever you need to do to protect yourselves.

And the chest pain claim? Well, what do you think? Does a normal person having chest pains want a lift to fix their car?… or have the energy to dole out abuse on the phone?….

I don’t know what is wrong with your wife - drugs, psychotic breakdown, idk - but two things are self evident from the cheap seats over here. Whatever it is it’s beyond your pay grade to fix. And she poses a real risk to both you and your daughter’s wellbeing. We get that it’s like putting your head in a blender to accept the inconceivable even when it is playing out in front of your nose. But it is how it is right now and it’s not magically going away. How much worse are you prepared to deal with? Where’s the line for you, my friend? This is not normal, this is not within spitting distance of normal behaviour. You can’t reason with it, ignore it, appease it or excuse it away. I’m sorry….but please, please do what you have to do to protect yourself and your girl.

I’m not sure how we can help you until you see that and accept the need to protect yourself though. Put you and your daughter’s safety first..  plenty of time after that for everything to be figured out.

[forthetrees]

If you switch the genders but keep the behaviors you´d already be in a domestic abuse shelter that was hidden from the public. Don´t assume that just because she´s a woman and you´re a guy that you are safe. This is over the top behavior.

If you were the first to text and she offers that as evidence that you broke the no-contact order, you are in trouble. At least talk to your lawyer about whether or not to forestall consequences by reaching out to the local authorities or court. Of course the call to your house and its timing are proof that help you but it would be a hassle to request that. She now knows she still has the "power" to get you to engage. For your self-preservation learn to not engage.

[in it]

Hi Localhero,

 I post on here very seldom. From your first post it sounds like you are dealing with some severe forms of abuse. The only way to have any peace is to go no contact. This is off the charts in regards to her behavior.

Sometimes they tend to accuse you of the same things they are doing or are going to do. A LOT of lying goes on in this kind of situation.

Please don't respond, reach out or anything to whatever communication she might make.
 I'd block her on anything, any way to communicate and do everything through a lawyer.

You and your daughters well being is at stake.  I agree with forthetrees you'd need a Domestic Violence  Shelter by now if roles were reversed. Actually you could call them and see what they say about this situation. Treasur is also correct. You may need to file for an order of protection.


If you haven't  spoken to a lawyer I'd do so ASAP.  Just an initial consultation. . And please please please go no contact. No matter what she says. Do not engage. Do not initiate contact. It may just make things worse (if at all possible.)

And no it makes no sense that someone would accuse you of all this abuse then turn around and ask you for help with something.  You need to stay away from her and whatever you have to do to protect you and your D.

[FrenchHusband]

This is the woman who is alleging harassment and extreme abuse yet she’s asking me to get her truck sorted for her ! Then the abuse starts of course and allegations of stalking and hacking in to all of her accounts - frankly I haven’t got the time and the interest to do so and it feels like paranoia is kicking in with her.

Foolishly I then texted her to check up on her and her condition and we exchange about 20 texts in which she is abusive and nasty again alleging that I have done all kinds of $h!te whilst I text her back to offer support and help . Very foolish of me I know.

So now I’m expecting the cops to show up tomorrow again with an arrest warrant for breaking the bail condition of no contact. I feel such a fool for allowing myself to be drawn in and don’t even know now whether the hospital story was the truth or not.

Help !

Hi LH,
regarding the harassment and stalking that your W is blaming you to do, I agree with in it, it looks like it is pure projection. It is likely that she is doing all this currently, you may use these informations to protect yourself.

Regarding the cops, I agree with Treasur, if I were you I'll contact them and tell them everything. Policemen can check easily who called you on your landline phone.

[UrsaMajor]

You need to file for a restraining order or a it's equivalent ASAP.

And you need to STOP replying/texting/etc. in order to not get yourself into trouble.

There is another member who's xW had similar behaviour and it took him a LONG time to get HIS name cleared from all the crap she accused him of where she was actually the perp and not him.

Your main focus right now needs to be the safety of you and your daughter because your MLCW has gone off the rails....

[Treasur]

How are you doing today, Local?

You’ve been on my mind and, along with my rather direct post, I wanted to say that some of us get how hard it feels to deal with this kind of crazy s$it. And even harder probably to say it out loud so it was brave of you to post about it.

I remember that, when I was experiencing ‘anonymous’ death threats and abuse, I didn’t tell people for a while. And then I didn’t tell them everything or go into big detail. Why? Looking back, I think a bit of my brain could not quite accept that it was really happening to me and that maybe saying it out loud made it too real for me to deal with. And tbh - bc it felt surreal and insane to me - I think I was worried that I would sound crazy to other people.

As a side note, that was never the case…people saw my fear and the genuine risk more easily than I could and were nothing but kind, resoectful and helpful. I agree with FTT that talking to a local domestic violence agency can be helpful - I did, even though it felt like an out of body experience at the time, and they gave me good practical advice that de-escalated the situation and protected me. And FTT is right that gender plays no part in domestic abuse….if it quacks like a duck etc, it’s still a duck regardless and the pattern is predictable and easy to see for anyone who has seen it many times before. These kind of folks are very unlikely to judge you or pressure you to do things you’re not ready or able to do…and they will not think you are nuts or overreacting. Just as we don’t. They will just reinforce your own natural instinct that no one, and that includes you and your daughter, should live in fear waiting for the next dramatic shoe to drop or be verbally abused or feel unsafe in their own home. Just as we do.

I hope that today has brought you and your girl some measure of calm and oeace.

[FaithWalker]

Yowza.  What a situation.  I don't have anything to add as our other fine folks have hit the nail on the head.  This is definitely a no-contact only through lawyers type of situation.  You have got to protect you and your D.

Hang in there LH. 

[Localhero22]

Xmas update - I had half expected things to happen as the big day approached. And they sure have.

She has been texting me offering me tickets for a Tom Jones concert. These are tickets at £240 a pop or well over $300 for my US friends that were originally intended for my Xmas present. Haven’t replied of course and neither to the landline calls or other texts she has sent. Likewise she has been texting D suggesting that I have been using D cell phone to hack in to her social media accounts, bank and tax accounts etc - D has told her she is paranoid especially as D’s phone is with her 24/7, I don’t know the access code and I have no idea how to use an Android phone having had IPhones since the day they came out.

So I can’t quite reconcile how offering me concert tickets and asking me a few days ago to get her pick up serviced fits in with this picture she has been painting to everyone of abuse and escaping a toxic 16 year relationship! To me it’s utter madness.

She’s told daughter she’s going away for 2 months in the New Year but won’t say where. At midday today she turned up and left D Xmas presents in our garage despite D saying she didn’t want any. Now bearing in mind D is 14YO these presents were more appropriate for a 6 YO and clearly most of them were taken from a present stash she had hidden away which she took with her when she left - D feels very angry and upset and punished by wife and most of the stuff went straight in the trash bin.

So an hour later a letter turns up by email from her lawyer. She wants to visit in the new year and to remove more of her possessions and to take with her 2 of the family dogs ( we have 4 ) x no indication they will be returned given she has said that D can visit them if required. Given that these are family pets and D has grown up with them these are part of the family and she is distraught- it’s like a death in the family. Her lawyer says if I don’t let her access the property and remove myself whilst she is there then she will call the cops and ask them to attend.

My heart is with my D here - she feels mum is punishing her with a load of rubbish presents and now is taking away her beloved dogs out of cruelty and is weaponising the family pets. It’s pretty awful I have to say and I don’t understand how someone can treat their own D like this ?

On top of that I spoke to my criminal defence lawyer the other day and he had been in touch with the cops - apparently she had been in to the Police station last week and has filed another bunch of allegations against me.

Interestingly since she found out my new phone number last week I have started receiving calls in the middle of the night, WhatsApp messages and texts from guys clearly responding to an advertisement from a hooker as they are asking about availability, rates etc. Never had this issue before.

All the legal firms have closed now in the UK for the holidays but I feel I have no option now but to seek a restraining order or non-molestation order as it is in the UK given the constant contact, the threat to visit and to call the cops and the ongoing visits to the property. I don’t want to but I feel I have no choice now so have instructed my divorce lawyer to instigate one when she returns on the 2nd January.

I actually have everybody here on the same side whether that’s school, social services and daughters mental health support team all supporting me - the big thorn in my side is the cops here and her using them to get to me.

Oh and her lawyer promised that the Porsche will be returned on the 5th January - given the original date promised was the 6th December im not holding out any hope here but if it isn’t then it will be reported as stolen.

I simply still cannot comprehend how someone can be this destructive especially where her own D is concerned.

Thanks for listening.

LH

[Treasur]

Some behavior is beyond comprehension and imho it is a waste of mental energy to even try. I remember someone telling me that it was in a way a good thing that I could not comprehend it bc it simply showed that it was beyond my personal wiring….and that was a good thing. The simplest answer to it of course is that, in your wife’s head, she feels entitled to do so and that it serves her own immediate wants or needs in some way….no more and no less than that. But it must feel surreal and like being under seige nonetheless.

Thank you for coming back to update bc quite a few of us here were concerned about how you and your daughter were doing. As you say, there are things that you will need to do to protect yourselves from this incomprehensible aggressive behaviour and I’m glad that you can see that even while finding it beyond comprehension.

It is Christmas morning here and I hope that you and your girl and the dogs have a peaceful day.