[unbroken]

I'd be very interested to hear from any who don't have an OW in their situation at this point.

[Dontgiveup]

Yes, the MLCer can end a "relationship" and still not be done with their crisis.  This article discusses that.  My friend is currently experiencing it with his MLCer.  I do not know if my MLCer is currently involved with anyone.

http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/standing-actions_contact-and-communication_pursuit-and-distance_mlcer-run-when-alienator-gone.html

[hrtnbig]

I don't have an OW in my situation.  Mine was very unique, unfortunately.  My h became best friends with a 19 year old boy.  The boy lived in our home and it was a trainwreck.  I tried to get the kid to move out, I have no power anymore, if I did anything like that it was controlling.  I asked my h to do many things and they were either considered controlling or exclusionary (to the kid).  My H still has moments of monster, monster got violent over summer.  He hasn't gotten violent since 12/15 /2010.  I am hurt and not sure how to move forward with H because no one has a story like me.  AS for my H being in MLC, some days I am not sure, but then he does something off the wall and then I know he still has issues.  I left a comment on my friends facebook that my h didn't like chick flicks, she had gone to a movie and dinner with her h and watched that movie Bridesmaids, and said they laughted their guts out.  I was excited for her, she needed that break, commented how nice he was and how my h didn't like chick flicks, see when he was hanging with the boy in the summer, he was nasty about all things like a 19 year old would be, chick flicks suck he would say.  I thought me meant it.  So when we had our fight after we deactivated our facebooks I explained to him.  If HE wants me to know HIM, HE has to fix it, I only know what HE told me.  If HE likes chick flicks on occasion he needs to be sure to undo what he did, but since he has blocked out what he did, he won't remember what to fix, what a quandry!

[LoveMeMyself]

Just my experience regarding my exH and OW.  He had OW#1 at BD back in Oct. 09.  Once their affair was exposed it was ended somewhere around January or Feb. 2010.  He already had OW#2 on the hook so it picked up in March 2010 and ended somewhere around May or June 2010.  Our divorce was final Oct. 2010.  As far as I know, there isn't anybody else........but I'm not positive.  I wondered if not having an OW had any effect on his progress through the tunnel or not.  I'm getting close to the 20 month mark of MLC.  I can tell he is way different from how he was before but he is not himself at this point.  We do not have much contact so it's really hard for me to even know how he is doing.  He recently emailed me stating that he has "nothing in his life to be happy about".  Just my two cents worth.

[wondering]

I don't know, but when I didn't think there was an OW..there was. I just hadn't found out about it yet. I'm sorry to say but most people never leave a marriage without another person waiting in the wings. It's sad but true. And for some LBS's when their spouses move out it's hard to see the evidence that there is one so they hope and pray as I did that there isn't one. I think it's pretty rare that there isn't one. Just my opinion.

[heartbroken]

Wondering What To Do - I have to say I totally agree with you.  I was one of LBS's that swore there was no OW.  I said he was used to be alone during the week because he worked away from home.  I didn't think it would bother him to be alone and that is what he said.  He also swore there was no one else.  He just wasn't happy anymore.  BD was end of February.   At the end of April I decided to hire a PI.  Within 2 hours I found out not only did he have an OW, they were living together.  They even moved into a new house together.      Needless to say I was in total shock.  He also had gone out and bought a brand new Harley within the first week of abandoning me and our S.  Now for the last two weeks he has cut me off from ALL money.  So, I am one to that believes that there is usually always an OW.   It's sad but true!

[Covenant for Life]

I do not think that my H has an OW, but I can never know for sure.  He has denied that there is someone else to me and to our D20 several times.  But, he has reason to lie since both D20 and S17 have told him that they want no relationship with him IF and when an OW comes into the picture.  They have both told him that they support me in my stand and that they will not EVER approve of their dad with another woman, especially since HE was the one who single-handedly destroyed our family, abandoned us, and left their Mom (me) to go through a year of cancer treatment alone.

They are angry at him and also refuse to step foot inside his apartment.  D20 has told him she ethically and Biblically and morally disapproves of what he has done and that going into the place where he now lives would give him the idea that she accepts his choices.  And, she just cannot give him that approval.  Also, D20 has told him that his choice to no longer live with us is just too painful.

I really am not sure if H has someone.  I think that his OW is really his extreme sports of rock climbing and speed skating.  He still spends holidays with us, still hugs/kisses me good-bye (if he has an OW, I wonder if she knows that or how many lies he tells her when he is spending time with us).  We have a week long trip coming up in a month to Boston/New York for our children to look at MIT, Harvard, and NYU for both undergraduate (S17) and graduate (D20) schools.  H is coming with us.  Would he do that IF he had an OW?

[hrtnbig]

Wow your kids stuck up for you, you are lucky!  Not lucky in that your h has gone off his rocker, but at least you know your not off your because your kids are supportive of you.  That is a wonderful gift.

[Covenant for Life]

Yes, God  has certainly blessed me with two absolutely wonderful children.  They are extremely intelligent, talented, gifted, loyal, caring, and compassionate.  And, they both walk with God and know that what their Dad has done is against God's will.  They have been incredibly supportive during these last 4+ years and I know they will always stand with me for what is right.

The fact that my H left them just proves how crazy he is.

[wondering]

C for L,
 Yes he would! My H has his OW and still went on two Caribbean vacations with me, both were for three weeks (we have no kids..so no excuses). He spends every holiday with my family and I. They get to be experts at lying.  And OW at least for a long time, accepts the lies even when things don't add up. They want our H so bad they take what they can get. It is only after a while that OW start to pressure them and our spouses start to get caught in some of there lies. Please, please don't think that it is not possible but I hope in your case that he doesn't have anyone.