[xyzcf]

Good morning and welcome to Hero's Spouse. You just found out a few days ago that he is having an affair.

Small wins for today: took a shower and heated up soup (was previously too big a job and too many dishes)..

I also wrote a mini write-up of events from my perspective and i think it helped me reframe the more I read it. I truly did everything I could to save us. It was his decision (or impulse or need- not sure what the correct word would be to use) to blow our lives apart. But I know I did the best I could and I can stand tall knowing that.

Questionable: I spent a lot of time trying to understand what happens from the MLCer perspective. And much of it was triggering, for sure. It's hard not to take what is said so personally. Maybe my heart is too soft right now. I need to focus on me but I did not do that today. Not much comparatively anyway.

Your body's physiology is in fight/flight/freeze mode. The feelings of loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, nausea, anxiety, crying, loss of focus is normal when your body is under a threat. Resolution of these symptoms takes time. A therapist that understands trauma is in my opinion the best to deal with what has happened to us.

Try drinking protein shakes if you cannot eat, I went for massage therapy and acupuncture to help calm my nervous system. Journaling, walking and talking with friends who would listen without jumping in with a ton of advice helped as did coming to Hero's Spouse. I took Benadryl to help me sleep and used Bach's Flower Rescue Sleep when I'd wake up ion the middle of the night. I had a prescription for anti anxiety meds as well. Focus on deep breathing to quiet your mind.

It took a very long time before I worked through this first stage of grief.

Here is a chart to help you understand the phsyiolkogical process of what happens when our world is blown apart. Having a therapist who treats trauma patients is more helpful in my opionion that typical "talk therapy".

https://www.reidstellcounseling.com/uploads/1/3/9/3/13938466/polyvagal_chart.pdf

Do you recall when you were able to get more proactive about the activities that brought you joy (i.e., socializing, yoga, etc.)? I see these beautiful recommendations from all and I want to engage but I also feel like I'm still in the stuck in bed phase.

I could barely function for a long time. I had practiced yoga for 15 years and I was in a yoga class and all I could do was curl up in a ball. The teacher knew what was going on and came by my mat and told me to stay as I was, no need to move and I stayed in that position for the entire class.

There came a time when I was able to do more than just barely getting showered. I could tell how I was feeling by the state of my kitcehn....sometimes there were dishes not washed, mail scattered about....I started to recreate order and some sort of routine...some days that would work, others I would lay on a couch most o the day.

Be gentle with yourself.

This is not about you and not about the marriage.

I don't know why but this phrase from RCR helped me:

"But this is his crisis and he needs you to accept and respect his needs. He needs to feel safe rather than judged. You are afraid a separation will become permanent. He is afraid of that fear in you".

Reaching the point that there is no way to change his crisis and acceptance that this is not the person that you married and loved for so long might be the point when things start to change for the better for you.

We are here to listen and support you, for we have all lived through similar experiences.

[KayDee]

Do you recall when you were able to get more proactive about the activities that brought you joy (i.e., socializing, yoga, etc.)? I see these beautiful recommendations from all and I want to engage but I also feel like I'm still in the stuck in bed phase. I engaged in a 20 minute conversation yesterday before feeling nauseous and am considering that progress. I hope that's not too out of the norm if at all. I definitely agree that having space from the MLCer definitely helps. I guess I'm not sure who I can trust when it comes to my friends. And it's nothing against them at all: I do have a tight knit group. But I am hesitant to trust, I guess, which makes this harder of course as it can lead to isolation.

Pretty early on I went to stay with family or very close friends. People who understood that I may need to wander off on my own, or lie on the grass and stare at clouds (I did this...). I started structured exercise classes with other people a few months in. I think the main thing is to find your own balance between not spiraling inwards through isolation and rumination, and not over-doing things so much that you feel overwhelmed and exhausted. For me, the key, was keep my circle small, to people I absolutely trusted.

I am trying to be empathetic and compassionate but is that holding back from healing myself? I feel like the answer is probably yes but I'm torn.

I don't ever think being empathic or compassionate is wrong, and perhaps, like many of us on this forum, having some understanding of what is going on can really help us not to personalise it. That is very, very hard to do. I think you already know, this is another balance. As the saying goes 'put your own oxygen mask on first'.

Even though the labeling shouldn't matter, because there were still acts of kindness however small not too long ago, maybe it's not what I think it is? Do MLCers tend do these tiny gestures of kindness? If so, would they be based off guilt?

People in MLC are just people, obviously. I do think there is a lot of emotional cycling. Sometimes there is clarity, then running away from that clarity has shown them. So his motivation could just be what he sees as kindness. Although in the case of your H, he is perhaps trying to honour some of his responsibilities, right? Perhaps he is trying to hold onto some sort of 'good guy' image. And yes, also, guilt can play a part. Doesn't mean he is not in a crisis.

[Flummoxed]

Hey team, hope you're having a relatively decent day. (Goodness, what an abysmal way to open.)

xyzcf:

Thank you so much for sharing. I will definitely look into protein shakes- i've been finding textured foods just too high a wall to climb right now. I have some consultation visits upcoming for trauma IC's- i'm hoping one of them will be a good fit. My cousin also recommended perhaps exploring EMDR. I've only been exposed to CBT myself but maybe it could be an avenue to try. I'll have to look into Bach's Flower Rescue Sleep- I definitely wake up in the middle of the night sweaty with my heart racing, like a lead up to a panic attack or something. (Come to think of it, he reacted the same way after BD when I was trying to triage the situation and we had a few heart-to-hearts. I wonder if that means anything at all. He was still open to me comforting him then.) Maybe anti-anxiety meds are in my future- whatever to help the process. Thank you so much for sharing the diagram with me. I'm so sorry to all that it takes so long to get through this phase of grief. A small comfort: it's a sign that we care(d).

Thank you so much for sharing your experience- I am so incredibly sorry. Truly. Definitely trying to take things one day at a time, though he also threatened me financially in the same text so I'm just... totally and completely in shock.

"But this is his crisis and he needs you to accept and respect his needs. He needs to feel safe rather than judged. You are afraid a separation will become permanent. He is afraid of that fear in you".

This quote definitely helps; I'm trying to absorb it completely. I want to detach and let him live his life the way he feels he wants. I don't want to have him in my life as he is now, not after that monster attack (at least I'm assuming it's a monster attack). I had told him time and time again, if he doesn't want to be with me, to just tell me and leave. I guess I don't understand what is with the lashing out and the cruelty. He's already seeing someone else, he says it's serious, it seems all our local friends have been lied to about our relationship for a while- what does he gain from an additional attack? As much as I'm concerned about potential large scale repercussions of this AD, I'm working on letting it all go. To both give him space to figure himself out and for my sanity as a whole. But why pile additional rage on top of a such a traumatic blow?

Reaching the point that there is no way to change his crisis and acceptance that this is not the person that you married and loved for so long might be the point when things start to change for the better for you.

100%- I think I'm slowly making my way there with baby steps. May be too soon to tell but I feel myself pulled in that direction, of knowing that the man I was married to just simply no longer exists. Either that, or he's buried deep within himself and I have no way of knowing if I'll ever see him or a version of him again. It feels like a death. But viewing it that way does, or rather would, help if it wasn't for the attack.

I truly am so appreciative that this group exists. Thank you for being such a safe haven and sharing your experiences and wisdom.

KayDee:

Thank you so much. I definitely need to try to pull myself out from spiraling- may find some grass outside and watch the clouds as well. But it's good to know it's ok to just stick to the small group you know you can trust. I will do just that.

Although in the case of your H, he is perhaps trying to honour some of his responsibilities, right? Perhaps he is trying to hold onto some sort of 'good guy' image. And yes, also, guilt can play a part. Doesn't mean he is not in a crisis.

He did mention he felt he made a promise on our wedding day, which is why he was doing those acts of kindness. So I suppose it was simply a sense of responsibility over much of anything else. He 100% wants to display the good guy image- I have no idea what he has told our friends. One did reach out to see if I was ok- I didn't think of it at the time but I try not to wonder what that was about. I don't think going down that rabbit hole will provide any benefit. I agree- I do feel he's in a crisis. I do not feel he is himself and that he would act this way voluntarily. I guess I'm trying to make sense of something impossible to make sense of.

Until he comes out, if he ever comes out, and is willing to share with me his rationale, I will never understand. I'm reading Hearts Blessing's book and have read so much of the experiences shared in this forum so far from fellow LSBs and recovered MLCers and... I'm still lost. I'm sure he is too. Maybe this lashing out, the threat on top of the affair confession, was him entering the tunnel? He was flip flopping between home and work/AD until this second BD but he's said he'd give me time to process and leave our home- he would likely not return until I leave. I guess that's just that?

I'm sorry for rambling. I just... I always kept a safe space for him at home. I knew he needed space and I left him to it. Once in a while I would check in and I'm sure, looking retrospectively, that created pressure and made him uncomfortable. But the sudden uptick in cruelty- I don't know. The complete delusion regarding separation and divorce- I have no idea what is going on in his mind but it feels like a vortex of chaos. I know, logically, I need to step away and just move on. I cannot be a party to this. And I think he knew when he was being pulled as well- at BD, he said he needed the time and he didn't know if he'd love me again, but he hoped he would be able to.

Maybe that's just the end of our story. Like a little Greek tragedy. I think just writing this has helped me, at least for now, face the direction of simply moving on.

Sorry, all, I don't mean to be a downer. The more I try to think about it, the more it makes me wonder if we had a good relationship. He was pulled under by depression and anger in 2022- I feel like I need to work a little harder to remember the loving times. Maybe it's no wonder he can't access them at all. Maybe I'm not remembering our relationship right- I thought we were best friends and a team, but maybe I've just been naive all along.

Thank you all for listening.

[amazinglove]

Flummoxed - I find your responses so thoughtful and helpful too. Your self-awareness and analysis is really inspiring. I found myself flinching when when I read how you are re-analyzing your entire marriage, because I find myself doing much the same. It's excruciating. In the cold light of this betrayal, it makes everything look different doesn't it? All those times he was not there for me, he did not emotionally meet my needs (or even attempt to) because he could or would not, things he could have done for me, that he knew mattered to me, but did not do, those moments of selfishness and detachment and a critical gaze that grew bigger and bigger as we got closer to BD - and I find myself questioning, did I imagine that it was as good as I thought it was?
But i have to come back to the fact that I was living in it for 13 years and bottom line, I would have known if my marriage sucked. I am emotionally intuitive, intelligent, needy, anxiously attached, etc etc and if he was anything even close to the total creep/narcissist that he is right now, I would have noticed. Heck, my entire family and group of friends would have seen something - and they are all completely shocked at this turn of events. People who lived with us for months at a time are shocked. So, I think I've come round to the notion that while he's always had flaws, he's always been lacking in certain ways, we also had the kind of loving trust and loyalty and understanding that I thought we did, until we didn't.
It's just a way for us to beat ourselves up, going back over things and asking ourselves 'what did we miss'? it's another way of saying 'what could we have done differently in order to have avoided this outcome, starting with not marrying this fractured, pathetic mess of a human.
I think better to trust your own smarts, that we were not in some kind of lovesick denial and that in fact, the person you love/loved has drastically altered himself in a way that makes him unrecognizable and completely unworthy of you. The loving marriage you once had with him would be completely unattainable for him right now, with anyone, because he is incapable of being that man.
if he is like mine, he is living entirely for himSELF and doing anything and everything that makes him feel better about himself and his life. Mine is completely reinventing himself as a different person whose wife and kids are just kind of there in the background, objects he has no real responsibility for and he can pick up and put down as it suits him.  My H - the one I used to know - would never have done any of this and would have condemned loudly any man who did.
Basically it's NOT YOUR FAULT. None of this, including being drawn to him in the first place. 
I'm sorry you're going thru this. I'm about 10 months out from BD and probably a year since his EA began online - and he started to change towards me. It's been a long time, maybe even 2 years since I had a real partner or teammate in my marriage.
I still have love for him, the old him, but I am gradually learning to accept the version that exists now IRL. It's hard to do but I'm working on it. And then of course trying to figure out what changes for the good this can bring for me. How can I best grow thru this pain?

[zartheit]

I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I remember the relationship I had with my ex-wife as fun and loving. How was I so wrong about it all? Surely she wouldn't have tossed this all into the garbage for NO REASON! Clearly I am missing something; how can I be so blind? I spent an incredible amount of time panning for those flecks in my eyes. Every regret I ever had, every inconsiderate word or action, all surfaced... eventually. Each one a splinter that fractured us, I thought. It was immensely painful archeology. In the end, the conclusion I arrived at was that I am human. I am flawed but I am not evil. At the core of my interactions was love but also ignorance. The ignorance could have been mitigated if she were to have voiced her discontent. She didn't. I still don't know what upset her, only what I imagine upset her and areas where I felt I let myself down.

I want to emphasize how hard this experience is. I remember reading many posts, feeling awe and terror at the seeming distance between Here and There. Here was darkness, a maelstrom of frigid pain and sorrow. There was a city on a hill bathed in perpetual sunrise. How did they have such clarity? How were they able to distill or extract such insights? What is wrong with me?

There is NOTHING wrong with you. The foundation under your feet dissolved. You're in free fall. What was up is down, what was black is white. Your stomach is chained to center of a black void with the weight of the entire world pulling you into its empty maw. You can't eat. You can't sleep. You can't focus on anything but escaping the next punch. You never escape it.

I'm not going to tell you to NOT introspect. Honestly, it made me a better person and gave me more confidence on what was illusory and what was substantial. That being said, there's a time and a place; you will have plenty of time to analyze this. Don't worry!

This is a marathon. This takes time. It takes so much time. As my brother used to say, "you can't cram for exercise", and this is similar. This wisdom comes from being compassionate to yourself, from taking care of yourself, from loving yourself. If your friend broke their arm and was immediately trying to write a bunch of emails soliciting lawyers, and doctors, and media outlets, and psychologists using it you would tell them to listen to their pain and stabilize before they worry about that type of thing. You're in a similar position.

Sorry for the long winded rambly post. I very much relate to your words. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's unfair. To summarize: you're not alone, slow down (time is your friend).

[Flummoxed]

amazinglove:

You are so sweet; it's really all thanks to the experiences everyone else has shared. Totally helps a newbie learn and absorb, or at least attempt to! You are so right- if it was always lurking, others in our lives would not be so absolutely shocked by the outcome. I noticed his side hasn't reached out or made a peep though, friends or family, though it may be due to more lies I'm just not aware of. I don't want to dig in deeper- it doesn't feel like it's worth going into.

It's just a way for us to beat ourselves up, going back over things and asking ourselves 'what did we miss'? it's another way of saying 'what could we have done differently in order to have avoided this outcome, starting with not marrying this fractured, pathetic mess of a human.
I think better to trust your own smarts, that we were not in some kind of lovesick denial and that in fact, the person you love/loved has drastically altered himself in a way that makes him unrecognizable and completely unworthy of you. The loving marriage you once had with him would be completely unattainable for him right now, with anyone, because he is incapable of being that man.

Thank you so much for sharing this- honestly, this phrasing really packed a punch for me and I'm sitting with this truth.

I am so sorry to hear about your H. It sounds like he was also a really great guy before this (sickness? break?) situation took hold. I am sending love to you and your family; it is absolutely horrendous to be treated in such a way by someone you never thought could be capable of behaving that way.

I still have love for him, the old him, but I am gradually learning to accept the version that exists now IRL. It's hard to do but I'm working on it. And then of course trying to figure out what changes for the good this can bring for me. How can I best grow thru this pain?

That's amazing work- truly. I am trying to start the process as well, of detaching and just seeing life from my own lens. I hope to learn how to accept this alien version in the near term as well- it can only be good for us, right? I finished Hearts Blessing's book and it framed this time as an opportunity for growth for LBSs as well. Although I wish a step-by-step guide was available (if only), but I'm thinking aside from GAL (which is of course optimal), perhaps exploring spirituality, faith, philosophy- whatever is best and aligns with you. That and therapy if accessible. I think after diving in deep today, I'm looking forward to starting IC, clearing out the impact of my past traumas, and finding a way to live my life true to who I am. I say this as a person who barely leaves her bed at present, but we all have to start somewhere.

zartheit:

In the end, the conclusion I arrived at was that I am human. I am flawed but I am not evil. At the core of my interactions was love but also ignorance. The ignorance could have been mitigated if she were to have voiced her discontent. She didn't. I still don't know what upset her, only what I imagine upset her and areas where I felt I let myself down.

So, so true- thank you so much for sharing. I was beating myself up for all of the mistakes I had made, wondering if I had done something differently, maybe we wouldn't be in this mess. But you're right- we are just human. We're bound to make mistakes but we do the best we can, fundamentally. And we moved with love and good faith. And now we are tearing our histories apart searching for answers, and it's just not going to be enough because our perspective doesn't hold enough of the facts. And even if it did, our person is no longer here with us, so maybe the point is moot. But maybe we can learn from some of our findings, take them as lessons for the future to accept and heal with.

This is a marathon. This takes time. It takes so much time. As my brother used to say, "you can't cram for exercise", and this is similar. This wisdom comes from being compassionate to yourself, from taking care of yourself, from loving yourself... To summarize: you're not alone, slow down (time is your friend).

I love "you can't cram for exercise"- so true. You know, I had seen so many statements around the goodness of having this time and at the start I really could not wrap my mind around it. Time felt (and sometimes now still feels) excruciatingly slow- I was panicking and couldn't imagine how seemingly boundless time was supposed to be a positive. It felt like I had no control. But I think I'm starting to understand now- we can use this time to focus on self-care, heal ourselves from this trauma, and work to build ourselves up into a stronger person entirely. Someone we can be so proud of and proceed to live life in a way that aligns with ourselves. And in that sense, we do have control and we do have goals to aspire to. So I am thankful to have time- thank you for reminding me that not everything has to happen all at once. Change is incremental and rarely linear. Also, please don't ever worry about a long rambly post- goodness knows I will submit the same.

I had a couple of IC consults today and I may move forward with one just to get the ball rolling. I've kept my sketchbook by the side of the bed but still haven't opened it yet. I watched half an episode of a much beloved TV show last night before it got to be too much. But somehow I tore thorough Hearts Blessing's book- go figure. But it did help me pull my focus away from the MLCer in my life and reframe my perspective onto what I can control. Reduce stimuli that reminds me of him, reach out to good friends (I laughed!) for casual chats, daydream of completely unrelated smaller goals I would like to achieve in the relatively short term and how I would go about achieving them. I've started imaging what my life could be like instead of hyperfocusing on my life that was. And I'm really proud of that, because this isn't it. There is so much more.

[Flummoxed]

When does this feeling in your gut go away? That squirmy, nauseous, can throw up at any moment feeling?

I meditated last night for the first time since before BD2 and it helped more than I expected it to. Got a decent amount of sleep but still woke up in a panic.

I don’t think anyone believes me when I say I think it’s an MLC. The therapists didn’t, my family doesn’t… I haven’t opened up to friends yet. My family is in complete shock though and agree it’s out of character behavior by leaps and bounds.

I know what I need to do. Logically, I know I just need to let go. But I find myself preparing for the next onslaught (the best I can). I know there will be another blow- he’s already taken so much but I’m still in the world, aren’t I? But you can never actually prepare, can you? I’ve only just started working on detachment- I know it’s the key to getting these attacks to roll off your back. I have handed him to a higher power, and just want to focus on myself.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I feel like I’m cycling between depression, bargaining, and acceptance. I know I need to sit with my emotions, but my tendency is to solve the issue first and then feel when the urgency is gone. I don’t know how to accept that I can’t rush healing and detachment.

I had spent the past year embracing GAL before BD2- I thought I was on my way. Sure, I’d check in once in a while but I was enjoying my life the best I could on my own and keeping myself busy. But this second BD… it feels like it’s wiped the slate clean. Like everything I knew to be true turned out to be a lie. Like I’m starting almost all over from scratch. Almost only because I know I’ve done it before and I can do it again. But is this expected at every turn? If there is another BD, if there is another change that I simply won’t expect, is this just going to happen again? Or will I build resilience to it until I walk away or stop caring entirely?

I’m at a loss. I’m grieving what was but understand he is no longer the person I lost. I need to heal and let go.

[xyzcf]

I don’t know how to accept that I can’t rush healing and detachment.

I am glad that meditation helped you...baby steps...moments when that feeling in your gut is quieted. I had always practiced yoga and that helped alot but I was surprised to find that when I took up golf, the few seconds before I hit the ball, were moments of deep peace.

The length of time it takes depends on many factors. Each of us are different with different beliefs, our marriages our different, the reltionship we had with our spouses are different.

Many of us are "fixers"....we desperately want to do something to fix this.

I read many how to books to save your marriage, I would devour one and then head back to Barnes and Nobles to find another..until it finally hit me that this was not a marriage problem...this was not about me...it wasn't just an intellectual knowledge, I really knew this to be true.

Try perhaps not to wonder when this will end but know that it will end.

Do the things that make you find peace. I found doing volunteer work also helped me a lot in the early times...and eventually found a volunteer agency that I have been a part of for 12 years which became a passion of mine.

Keep writing here. We do know what you are going through.

[Flummoxed]

xyzcf:

Thank you so much for your guidance!  I’m trying to reframe to accept that this will end. That definitely helps, to leave it less open-ended. That’s amazing that you’ve found your passion in volunteering! I will definitely need to work to return to things that brought me peace… truly the things I was doing just a couple weeks ago.

Hoping to reintroduce walks, reading, maybe some gardening. And once the peace grows and I feel stronger, maybe getting back to the gym, diving back into philosophy, and yoga. And I will definitely keep writing- I’m sure we can all agree how therapeutic it is to be able to have a group to discuss and grow from this

A little update for the day: I broke open my sketchbook and doodled around- it felt great to be focusing on something, anything, else. A bit short-lived but baby steps. It just felt good to create though- to feel like I’m adding something good into the world in these early stagnant days.

I also moved out of the bedroom and into the broader living space. (Progress!) My goal is to head outside tomorrow- take in some Vitamin D and fresh air. Maybe put my feet on grass and get grounded.

I’m also looking into learning more about mirror work. Do you think it may be too early for a person like me to be jumping into that though? Sometimes I feel like I’m being impatient about my healing, but at other times I feel like BD happened 1.5 years ago and I had been slowly living a life of my own until BD 2 (for the most part)- so the transition back into building and bettering isn’t actually that big of a leap.

[xyzcf]

Good evening Flummoxed,

You made "progress" today...baby steps...some days you will move a bit more towards peace and calm and acceptance and other days you may slip back into despair. After a relatively long time of moving forward, something that happened that sent me back, badly....my therapist told me to look at my healing like a slinky toy and that even though I might have moved back, I would not slink back to anywhere near the beginning. That visual gave me hope that I was still OK.....battered and bruised a bit but the spiral started to move forward again.

I smiled at what you already inherently know...the stepping out onto the grass...she also told me to stand barefoot in the grass and center myself...I told her I couldn't do that because there are snakes in the grass and I don't like snakes  ...but anything that can connect you to your center will calm your nervous system.

There is a technique that she taught me called resetting the vagus nerve.

"Some say that eye movements can help reset the vagus nerve, which is the longest cranial nerve in the body that carries information between the brain and organs in the chest and abdomen.

Lying down
Lie on your back with your hands behind your head and feel the weight of your head in your fingers. Keep your head centered and turn only your eyes to the right as far as you can comfortably. Hold this position for up to a minute. You may feel a yawn, sigh, or swallow. then turn your eyes to the left until you feel a yawn, sigh or swallow."

There are several other ways to reset the vagus nerve and you are already aware of one...meditation.

Definitely exercise helps as it releases serotonin which makes you feel better. I walked, a lot....outside is best, somewhere in nature is really helpful. I did not have the energy to do gym workouts, something I had always loved but eventually I was able to return to classes at the gym...but I did try to walk every single day.

As for mirror work and whether it's too early...you have nothing to lose by trying anything that helps you....perhaps try not to be too ambitious to try and fit too much into your life....my therapist is a mind/body specialist so something as simple as deep abdominal breathing can be very beneficial ...but if you feel up to doing whatever work helps...then go for it..and give yourself credit for finding what works.

Another incredible tool is Yoga Nidra...you just lie down and listen to the practitioner without moving, and the hard part is not to fall asleep. 20 minutes of yoga nidra is equivalent to 3-4 hours of REM sleep. You might find that you feel quite refreshed after.

I love this 20 min yoga nidra video and there are many online.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7H0FKzeuVVs

I am not an artist, no talent there but I also would draw things that were quite surprising as I tried to explore my inner world and figure out how to find myself again. Lots of colors and information of what I was feeling in various parts of my body...it was quite cathartic.

Don't be in a hurry...teach yourself to slow down a bit in your quest to become whole again...recognize small gains. Buy yourself some flowers. I planned a few trips...

I love dogs and did not have one when BD happened...eventually I rescued a yellow lab and she was incredibly intuitive and helpful to my mental health.

So as you see, there are so many ways to "get there"...but you know the fable of the Tortoise and the Hare:

"What is the moral of The Tortoise and the Hare?
The hare is very confident of winning, so it stops during the race and falls asleep. The tortoise continues to move very slowly but without stopping and finally it wins the race. The moral lesson of the story is that you can be more successful by doing things slowly and steadily than by acting quickly and carelessly."

There is a phrase that has been used here...this is a marathon, not a race so you need to pace yourself because it is a long journey to wellness...but if you take care, you will get there.

Good job today!