[WHY]

This was a very good read.  Thanks Al. 

[AlvinTheMaker]

Oh my, I'm becoming a grandparent  next year

Though it does create a fuzzy warm feelings within, at the same I do feel bit alarmed for the chaos it can create.

As co-parenting with XW has proved as useless exercise time and again, I assume same will apply to co-grandparenting. Possibly best i can do is not to compare, do things I like doing, and be thankful of what is given to me.

And as far as CW goes... she's trying to figure out her future role in midst of all the cooking.

Alvin

[FaithWalker]

Congratulations!  Yes, I bet it does bring up a lot of questions on how that's all going to work with the crisis queens around you.  May the odds be ever in your favor!

[AlvinTheMaker]

Ugh, how quickly another month goes by....

I'm pretty sure me and CW are done with CC for some time. It was useful place for enhancing communication skills under professional supervision, but progress has now become stale and even our therapist seems to have lost direction on what next.

To me it is pretty obvious we are at a different stage of readiness. I’ve done the meta-work - and would be ready to go next level.  But CW is still early on with her trauma stabilization and trauma containment work. These are entirely different developmental tasks. So our timelines and needs don’t sync,  and likely will not in many years.

There's really not much i can do besides taking care of myself, GAL and doing random prayers that things somehow turn out good. That's pretty much the only way through this, regardless of result.

Alvin

[AlvinTheMaker]

It's been a while since last. It would have been nice to say all is still well (as things seemed to improve), but....I am now officially living with female version of Edgar the Bug.

Not sure what it is with birthdays, but last week was CW's birthday and it ended with series of small bomb drops.  Not only once, but four times out-of-blue I was told (in heat of moment) that Im not the person she married - and I should change the way I am or divorce her.

And the demands have been coming and going for two weeks now. And it is so freaking weird. One moment I am treated as the source of all evil and given ultimatums, then I see her run and disappear for hours with zero communication, then I receive touch-and-goes with hugs, kisses and totally weird shared reels. And looping between these. 

Possibly only good thing in all this was that CW had her trauma therapy the day after BD. And today another meeting.  She froze down completely on way to therapist, and for while it seemed she would run away. I was expecting the session to become similar showcase of total silence as I witnessed with XW - but fortunately therapist was able to get CW open up few words at a time. But I doubt she genuinely heard or understood what therapist said during the sessions.

Her therapist seems to know what is happening though did not coin term MLC.  Therapist explained to me that sometimes the trauma or past experiences adds a lens that makes a person see and feel their beloved  as the "enemy".  It is not about me or my behaviour, but more of  her past taking over at her mind. It's totally subconscious defence system of a mind that she is not aware, and she might even forget our joint past.

Therapists only advice was "try to live through it in one piece".

I wish I could say second time is easier. In a way it is, as  I know even the worst scenario is not the end. And there is so much I know what to avoid and what to focus on. All of this feels less chaotic. There is no crash&burn.

But at the same there is new painful level of realism. Not loss of hope, but maybe the let-go-and-let-god.

Oh well, one day at a time.

Alvin