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Discussion Re: Controversial topic - Might it be tied to MLC?
#120: November 10, 2012, 08:44:00 PM
It would seem it's completely separate from MLC.

First, these couples are agreeing to do this lifestyle, and as you referenced wish to stay married.  Other than perhaps Clinging Boomerangs, the desire to remain married does not describe someone in MLC.

Also, two of the key symptoms of someone in MLC are Projection toward the spouse and the abandonment of the spouse.  The referenced lifestyle is something that is apparently mutually agreed upon......nothing about MLC is mutually agreed upon.
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Re: Research into Diet links to depression
#121: November 10, 2012, 09:23:59 PM
SP, below are some reasons why red meat is important. Of course we don’t have to eat it all the time. If we can only do it once a week, that is fine. Also, some people cannot, for health reason, eat red meat or have to do it in very small quantities. Above all a diet should be balance and adapted to each person/situation. The research is excellent and a good diet is crucial for a LBS.

Red Meat and Health
Lean red meats, including beef, pork and lamb, can play an important part in a healthy balanced diet as they have a high nutrient density. This means that they contain a wide variety of nutrients in a relatively small amount of food. Meat is a major source of protein.  It also contributes minerals and trace elements to the diet, particularly iron and zinc.  It is an important source of B vitamins, including B12, which is not found naturally in foods of plant origin.
PROTEIN
Meat is a major source of protein which helps to improve satiety and fills you up for longer. This makes protein-rich foods excellent for helping to control our weight so that we don’t become overweight or obese.

IRON
Iron is a vital mineral for red blood cell formation.  A deficiency of iron in the diet is the most common dietary cause of anaemia.  Certain groups of the population are at particular risk because of poor iron intakes.  Currently a quarter of females aged 19-64 in the UK have iron intakes below the minimum amount to stay healthy.
The type of iron found in red meat (haem iron) is more easily absorbed and used by the body than the iron in plant foods such as pulses, nuts, seeds and leafy green vegetables (non-haem iron).

ZINC
Zinc is important for the healthy functioning of the immune system, growth, wound healing and fertility.  Red meat is a good source of readily absorbable zinc. We get about 30% of our dietary intake of zinc from red meat and meat products.

OTHER MINERALS
Red meat also provides other minerals such as potassium and selenium.  Selenium is an important antioxidant, which has been linked to reducing the risk of heart disease and certain cancers.

VITAMINS
Red meat is a significant source of a number of B vitamins: thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, B6 and B12 - a vitamin which is not found naturally in foods of plant origin and is  important for healthy red blood cells, growth and the production of energy.  It has also recently been found to make an important contribution to vitamin D intakes. Vitamin D works with calcium and phosphorous to build strong bones and teeth.

FAT
The fat content of red meat has been considerably reduced over the last few decades and the amount of fat in red meat is actually much lower than most people think.

These reductions have been achieved by breeding techniques on the farm and new butchery techniques, which trim off most of the fat.

Fully trimmed lean raw beef typically contains only 5% fat, fully trimmed lean raw pork only 4% fat and fully trimmed lean raw lamb only 8% fat. This compares well with a food such as cheddar cheese which contains an average of 34% fat.

About half of the fat found in red meat is in the unsaturated form that is believed to be healthier. Surveys show that meat is a major contributor of mono-unsaturated fat in the diet.   Choosing lean cuts of meat and trimming off any visible fat helps to reduce the saturated fat content further.

OMEGA-3 FATS
Red meat contains small amounts of omega-3 fats, which help to keep the heart healthy. With the exception of oil-rich fish, few foods contain good amounts of omega-3s. This makes the small amounts in red meat an important source, especially for people who eat little or no oily fish.
SALT
Fresh red meat is naturally low in salt. 












 
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Re: Controversial topic - Might it be tied to MLC?
#122: November 10, 2012, 09:29:40 PM
The only connection to MLC that I could see is if the MLCer suddenly developed an interest in something like this, when he or she had never had it before.....  and then might complain that the spouse was boring or didn't give them what they wanted or something because they were horrified. 
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Re: Controversial topic - Might it be tied to MLC?
#123: November 10, 2012, 11:05:27 PM
The only connection to MLC that I could see is if the MLCer suddenly developed an interest in something like this, when he or she had never had it before.....  and then might complain that the spouse was boring or didn't give them what they wanted or something because they were horrified. 

My W brought up this lifestyle after BD #1.  I knew better than to fall for that.

Her previous marriage was an "open marriage".  I told her in the beginning that I wasn't interested in that lifestyle and us being together would never work because of that.  She said "I was doing that to look for the right guy".  And for 8 years she proved it.

So was she interested in that lifestyle previously?  Possibly.  She never mentioned it again until after BD #1.  Her reasons were to spice up our sex life, to feel that newness/excitement again.
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BD 1: Jan 2011 OM1 PA - Gone
BD 2: Aug 2011 OM2 EA - Still part of our group of friends but friendship only (He married 2/16/2013)
BD 3: July 2012 OM3 EA -> PA -> SA - Last known contact 6/2013
Left 1: Aug 2012
Ret 1: Oct 2012
Left 2: Nov 2012
OM4: Dec 2012 SA. NC since 2/2013
OM5?: Dec 2012 reconnected with old boyfriend. SA? NC since 2/2013
Ret 2: Mar 2013
Working on rebuilding marriage.

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Re: Controversial topic - Might it be tied to MLC?
#124: November 11, 2012, 01:40:10 AM
I think there are two ways to approach this.

The first one is if you were always into this type of thing pre MLC then great, not my bag but I'm pretty liberal.

But for me personally, porn, swinging, etc only entered my H's world post MLC journey.  We'd had some exposure to porn as young people, but I realise after the death of his H and we weren't really communicating on an intimate level emotionally or physically, I think he used porn as a release, a way to get a rush, and to actually feel something.  Plus after so long together we'd got stuck in a rut.

So I think it can be used as a self medicating thing.  I believe consenting adults are free to do what they want, but I would want a relationship where you created the excitement together, and without resorting to such drastic measures.  Swinging must mean you are either very secure, very strong minded or love the drama created by sexual jealousy.  It doesn't interest me at all except on an intellectual level to understand my H's MLC.
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Distant through 2010 ? Porn obsession
BD1 & OW1 Nov 2011
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Moves in with OW2 Sept 2012
Pushing for D ASAP!

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Re: Research into Diet links to depression
#125: November 11, 2012, 02:02:36 AM
Thanks AnneJ,

Just cooked up a big pot (Ziggee style) of Indian Beef curry.  Enought for two meals for the kids and I.  I certainly hope it helps to improve my emotional wellbeing at the moment :) :) :)
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Re: Controversial topic - Might it be tied to MLC?
#126: November 11, 2012, 05:18:27 AM
Personally, and this is a stance that has brought a firestorm in the past here, I understand how porn can be used to spice up a lagging marital sex life.  From time to time we all need the fantasy of danger and daring, and sexualizing that only bumps it up several notches.  During the first 20 years of our relationship W and I would rent a couple movies here and there (meaning every few months at first then probably every 5 years or so as we got older) when the kids weren't here just to break up the monotony.  Mose sex therapists agree this isn't harmful as you both know it's not real and most mainstream movies today have some sort of titillating factor to them, especially R-rated ones.  Humans need fantasy and sometimes it gets old fantasizing about each other.  In the months pre-BD, W suddenly became the initiator of the porn movies for the first time and started watching videos on the internet before and eventually during the time we were ML.  Her sex drive was through the roof and the fact that I had taken a sex therapy course a few months before had me thinking she was just getting more comfortable with her body, not suspecting what was really going on.  I even asked her at one point if she wanted to go to one of the secret swinger clubs I had learned about to just people-watch and she said she had no interest.  As I look back now I'm disgusted by everything that was going on and how I was so foolish to think we were entering a golden phase of our relationship.  I was naive and stupid enough to think that since we had gone through 20+ years of being happy together that we were a part of each other and inseparable.  How terrible to have 20/20 hindsight now that this period was the doom of my marriage.
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Re: Controversial topic - Might it be tied to MLC?
#127: November 11, 2012, 06:53:02 AM
Oh Thundaar...I think that you may find for so many other reasons that pornography is very much against Christ's idea of the sanctity of marriage. And I do think that asking your wife to go to a secret swinger club does not show a healthy sexual relationship.

Sex is supposed to be between two people, IMHO you are asking for trouble when you wish to involve others either by pornography or swinging into that relationship.

There is lots more I could say on this topic.....on a site that encourages standing for your marriage, I find it disturbing what you are suggesting.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

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https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: Controversial topic - Might it be tied to MLC?
#128: November 11, 2012, 07:04:24 AM
Thundarr,

No issues or storm re porn from me, I agree a little bit of titilation does spice things up.  Also if porn is shared then it doesn't become something "shameful" or problematic.  My H suddenly thought I'd got issues about it but he never bothered to discuss it with me.  It was something very much for HIM.  Still now I am well aware I have NO clue of the extent of it all.

My other issues with porn is that the mainstream stuff is very much orientated to men.  I know porn is visual so thus appeals to men more, but I can't believe there can't be a way to produce a more "sensual" type of experience for want of a better word.

I have thought about this deeply, my family openly discussed things even if a bit embarrassing.  My H's family NEVER talked about the birds and the bees with him, and merely gave his sister a book!  They are deeply uncomfortable if my nieces and nephews strip off naked which saddens me, as I think kids shouldn't be made to feel shame about their bodies.

I don't think this caused his MLC I am sure it's a symptom.  However his obsession with porn meant I couldn't compete with the hard bodied 20 year olds he was viewing and "involved" with.  I became, and still am, repulsive to him.  Sad, because I know about myself and my body and my beliefs, but he doesn't!  :'(
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« Last Edit: November 11, 2012, 07:44:30 AM by Bootyfull »
M 41
H 40
M 13
T 17
Distant through 2010 ? Porn obsession
BD1 & OW1 Nov 2011
BD2 & OW1 & OW2 Aug 2012
Dumps OW1 Sept 2012
Moves in with OW2 Sept 2012
Pushing for D ASAP!

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Re: Controversial topic - Might it be tied to MLC?
#129: November 11, 2012, 07:42:59 AM
Oh Thundaar...I think that you may find for so many other reasons that pornography is very much against Christ's idea of the sanctity of marriage. And I do think that asking your wife to go to a secret swinger club does not show a healthy sexual relationship.

Sex is supposed to be between two people, IMHO you are asking for trouble when you wish to involve others either by pornography or swinging into that relationship.

There is lots more I could say on this topic.....on a site that encourages standing for your marriage, I find it disturbing what you are suggesting.

I had no intention of ever participating, and honestly couldn't stomach the thought of either of us doing that, but we were encouraged to by our instructor just as a case study to see how different some people view sexuality and relationships.  I have clients who do believe in the lifestyle and as a therapist I have to remain non-judgmental.  I could NEVER handle the thought of my W with another man if we were actively married, and even now the thought hurts me to the core.  I've seen a lot of things in my day, done quite a few, but swinging would never be for me.  I still say porn, like role-playing and fetishism, can be part of a normal healthy relationship between married people.  Secular research has shown it, but unsurprisingly Christian therapists always advise against it.  And that can go into a debate between the fact that there are CHRISTIAN therapist and Christian THERAPISTS, but that's another topic.
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