[limitless]

Thundarr,

In reference to the title of this thread - I don't see any connection to MLC in this article or in partner swapping - at all.

MLC is about an emotional connection.  The MLCer is looking for something (someone) to make him/her happy.  The MLCer has not yet realized that happiness comes from within - not from an outside source.

That is why the MLC affair usually begins as an EA - as the MLCer becomes emotionally connected to the alienator or alienators.

What is described in the article is emotion-free sex with someone else - outside the marriage.  No.  Not related to MLC at all.

As far as whether or not porn can bring life back to a sexless marriage - I think that is a subject for another website.

I see sex as a personal, emotional connection between two people - where love and commitment exists.  But, that is how I see it.  Should others see it in a different way - that is their perogative. 

I don't see how a discussion regarding the merits of porn in is in line with any of the things we are trying to accomplish with this site - A site dedicated to understanding MLC, Standing for our marriage (or ourselves), letting go, and healing ourselves. 

JMHO.

limitless

[Ready2Transform]

I don't think it's MLC related, either.  I think a healthy discussion of sexuality/morality issues as they pertain to MLC is good, as many of us are dealing with those things.  Some of it borders on being kind of triggery, though, too.

[Thundarr]

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/susan-krauss-whitbourne/midlife-crisis-myth_b_2371951.html

I'm not sure which studies Dr. Whitbourne is citing, but some of this holds up in terms of this being a serious form of depression and striking at different ages than in the 40s and 50s.  It's interesting to me that she states this is treatable and encourages those who think they are having one to seek help.  But....I think she overlooks the fact that those who are having one think they're fine and it is those around them who see differently.  Makes me wonder if using interventions as a strategy might be plausible.

[Anjae]

There are depressions, and identity crisis that do not happen at midlife. My younger sister is 29, will be 30 in some months, and is having what we call a midlife crisis.

In the article there is this: “A large-scale survey of 3,000 midlife adults in the 1990s conducted by Cornell sociologist Elaine Wethington showed that the majority of midlife adults did not report that they experienced a crisis. The twist on this study was that of the small percentage who said they did have a "midlife crisis," the age of this "midlife" event ranged from as young as 30 to as old as 65.”

It matches what we here on the board have seen. I would say that is still MLC, some people have it a little earlier and others a little later. How many people who have a MLC are going to say they had one? Most don’t even know what happened to them… But I think it is correct, most adults would have a transition, not a crisis.

She does overlook the fact that those having one thing they are fine. An intervention, Thundarr? Good luck with that. Don’t’ think it would work. Not when they are already in full crisis mode. Before, if they felt unwell and took some meds the whole thing could be mitigated.

Of course if we could catch an MLCer in Replay and made them have some meds it may make a difference but who is going to be able to do it? …

 

[Dontgiveup]

Seems to be just another mainstream article about MLC.  One of the things RCR addresses that these mainstream articles seemingly fail to is one word.

Denial

The author starts the last paragraph this way........"If you feel convinced that you're having a midlife crisis......."

Here's how I would finish the sentence.  "........then you are probably not having a midlife crisis"

In the article the data collection seems to be through self-reporting, which RCR also addresses.

RCR addresses a few of these points in the MLC Overview article
http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview.html

[Anjae]

Exactly, all these mainstream articles miss, or don't talk about, the denial part.

[Rebel Yell]

Funny. I was looking at mainstream articles about MLC yesterday too.
The ones I read were way off also. A crisis is a crisis, a transition is a transition.
Most still think only men go through a MLC also. Very few understand the connection
of childhood and repressed emotions to the crisis.

[French Belier]

Have been reading site for a long time but just started posting.  I cannot believe that this lady can write such nonsense and get paid for it!

My H is textbook MLC - sent to school at 8, absent parents. Recently, unwilling grandfather, became  ill, I had cancer.  H 66, Me 65 Alienator 38.  BD Valentine's Day 2012.  Moved  back to UK with OW in September.  Bought three sports cars, frequents men of 44-55. Others are boring. Has holidayed non-stop ever since and let his business sink.  Monster behaviour interspersed with frenetic
activity.

Perhaps, as she says, it is just depression but I don't think so.

[Rebel Yell]

Just quick note, if that's your real name you should change it for the forum.

[Anjae]

MLC is full of depression, covert and overt. Read the articles on the main site. Here is the one with Depression overview http://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/mlc_overview_depression.html

The little you've said about husabnd is MLC textebook.

Please be so kind to change your name. Real names are not allowed nor you can sign your posts with it.