[barbiedoll]

I counted 42 people that were directly impacted by my husbands affair and abandonment . That is the number of people on my side of the family . The ripple affect is beyond words.

My husband has no mother and his father lives in Florida, so I have no contact whatsoever with him. He called to talk with my husband about 3 weeks after he had moved out . He had no idea and was upset , very emotional ( he is an extreme drunk) and told me repeatedly that he needed to know " where my son is ?". I did not know where his son was . He told me I was his "favorite " daughter-in-law and he simply could not accept what had happened . Never heard from him again until husband returned .

My husband has 4 brothers ... all divorced . So, I no longer have close relationships from any former sister in laws . But I was amazingly lucky to have 2 of his brothers come faithfully and did my husbands"work". They cut grass, blew out leaves , changed the oil, put up storm windows etc... they sat and let me sob all over them. They simply said "he has lost his mind / job burnout etc". They did see my husband but very very rarely and he refused to talk to them about anything personal period . I was very fortunate indeed to have these to guys step up and help me .

Now the crazy part . My husband was married before for a very short 4 years . His wife had an affair , got pregnant and left him (imagine?) . I got along very well with her over the years as there were 2 children to share . No issues what so ever. We jointly helped the girls with all kinds of things over the years and had a friendly relationship. I can even say I liked her regardless of her crazy lifestyle and choices. Her parents were also divorced . Her father re-married a women with 3 children many many years ago. So, she has 3 step-siblings. ( only Jerry Springer can follow this mess ). My husbands crazy OW was his ex-wifes step sister. Sickening. She has been in our "extended family " for over 40 years and was referred to as aunt by my girls. To this day, I feel deeply betrayed by all members of that side of the "family". I do not know who "knew" or did not know , but I strongly suspect . The OW's mother and I had a solid friendship as she was active with the girls when they were small. She absolutely knew that her daughter was involved in an affair with my husband .. absolutely. She spoke to me during that time when she "knew " and I did not. So did the OW. They asked questions of my girls about their dad and myself .. it really is unspeakable to me. Her mother protected her and cared more about "who" she was a very little about "what " she was . Just a massive break in that side of the crazy family as my girls ( all 5) have said " to us, they are dead " and will NEVER again have anything to do with any of them. So, Christmas, events, celebrations for "those" people has decreased by 5 very lovely young women , their spouses and grandchildren. Recently my middle daughter was asked if "she prayed about forgiveness for her aunt?". She replied .. " when I pray to forgive, I pray to forgive my father... she is not even on my short list, because she is dead ". It has had tragic follow out for so many people . A stranger would have saved a lot of suffering , but I truly truly believe , he never would have approached a stranger . He is very naïve and lacks confidence with women. SHE aggressively made it very clear and very easy indeed . This family will never be the same for all time.

[Treasure]

My inlaws said I'd always be family blah blah blah .. Now I just don't exist !!
Blood is definately thicker than water... X

[Shocked]

Attaching! This is a real big issue for me. My H blamed my R with my MIL for all the issues in our M. Her and I had been very close until I heard her talked about my youngest daughter from my first M. Things a GM should never say if she truly loved her like she claimed. Over the past several years she repeatedly step over boundaries. Very interfering. Very needy. Always saying how important I was to her and the family. So you guessed it since the BD not so much. She has enabled my H forever and still is. She's always preaching the Bible at me but did she encourage her son to honor his vows. No!!! I haven't heard from them in two months!!!

[StillStanding]

My in-laws don't know that she moved out. Since they all live out-of-state, it's easy for her to keep them in the dark. My MIL calls me on my birthday, and I still get included in family conversations and invitations. We attended a couple of family weddings together early on, but she has gone to see them by herself as well.

I think quite often about whether I should spill the beans. One reason I don't is that I expect something similar will happen: they may be upset at her lies—well, our lies, really—but ultimately, I'm not family the way she is. Also, she speaks to her family way more than I do, so she gets to bear the pressure of keeping that deception up.

If we reconcile, or if they find out that we've been separated, I will make my apologies and explanations then.

[nah]

Yes all my in laws turned their backs... I never would have believed it, but they did. What I would like to tell you is about the other side. Long time posters know that my sister is a MLCer/OW. Short version... While married she hooked up with her married (30+ years) college sweetheart from 30+ years ago. He married his wife while dating my sister in the 80's. They started "talking" again about ten years ago. They are currently living together with her 2 teenagers.

I loved my now exBIL even more than I love my own brothers. Still do, AND now I find myself in his shoes ( their BD was about 10 years ago, sister tried to hide it for about 5 years)

So what do I do?

Deal with sister while I'm seething inside. I don't want to lose my nieces AND I would break my mothers heart if I turned my back on sister. So I deal.

[Thunder]

Both my parents and my FIL and MIL passed before my H's crisis hit.  So I can only imagine how they would have reacted to all this.

My H was very close to my dad and he looked up to him as a moral example of a father (his was a drunk) and a man.
I'm not sure how this would have gone down with my dad.

The ONE person who had the biggest influence on his life was his mother.  She was a strong, no nonsense type of woman who I believe would have reemed him a new one if he ever talked about walking out on his W.  She always was the tough love type and he listened to her.  I could hear her now.."You're what?  Oh no, this is your W, you're going to work on this.  They'll be no running away."

I know this sounds crazy but I truly believe she could have had influence on him during his crisis.  I doubt very much she would have taken his side or stopped communicating with me.

Having said that, I'm glad none of them had to see him destroy our marriage.  He was so very well loved.

[Slow Fade]

My In-Laws just pretended that nothing was wrong and wrote me off like a bad check! 14 years of marriage and family and a grandson and in the blink of an eye, I was a non-entity in their world and didn't exist. Pictures of me were taken off the walls and I became "she who shall not be named". 
No one contacted me to see if I was ok or to get my side of the story. It was surreal.

When H and I started to reconcile, all of a sudden I was "the beloved daughter-in-law" again.
 
These people have no concept of reality. Its all a pretense that "all is well" and nothing is wrong in their world. I would love to have a cleansing of the elephant in the room so I don't feel like standing on the dinner table and screaming at them and airing everything out, but I know that will never happen, so in the meantime I just 

[Onward]

I have good relationships still with most of my ILs. FIL died before BD - a catalyst, I think - and I'm not sure how he would have responded.

MIL was another story. 2nd W for her S, and she was just Oh well, he's a (insert religious affiliation here - which H hasn't claimed the entire time I've known him) so that alone makes him a good man. (A good man who's walked out on 2 wives and his only child, mind you.

One influential BIL & SIL were not helpful, though I think they thought they were. I am still uncertain how to address that relationship, if I ever do.

Others of his family have maintained good relationships with me, and showed a lot of care and concern in the early days.

My parents are very disappointed in him, and the hurt he has caused me. But all they say is that "he is not the man they thought he was."

It's just sad for everyone, I think. And no one knows what to do. They recognize it as baffling, too.

[Jaybeecee]

Talking about how MLCer is with in laws reminds me that xH has frequently used that as an excuse to stay in the tunnel.  He was very close to my dad and in the past has stated that he could never come back because he wouldn't be able to face my dad.

 He has told me about nightmares he had regarding my dad's reaction to him.  My father has seen him only once since BD and didn't speak to him at all.

[devoted]

FIL died before BD.....the beginning of MLC and BIL has never had a relationship with his niece or nephews.

MIL..... now she's  something else......no contact at all with me in 51/2 years  she made it very clear she didn't want to hear from me but has since told xH she's very cross with me for not contacting her ....there was me thinking it was me that needed support     she would never accept that xH is having a MLC.
No contact with 3 eldest children either.
2 youngest son did see her a couple of times after BD but nothing for about 4 years.

She never congratulated S26 on the birth of his S this year but over the last few weeks xH has been criticizing S for not taking grandson to meet her or even sending her a picture of him. He did also say to D at the weekend "you haven't seen Grandma for a while have you.....you should meet her for coffee" I think that's because xH is not living with his M anymore she has no friends and no family and xBIL doesn't bother with her much. If our children wanted a relationship with their Grandmother it would ease the pressure on xH and give him more time with OW as I think he feels he owes his M for letting him live with her all this time.