[SpecialK]

Is there anyone out there, who going through this situation, finally get back together?  If so how long did it take?  Are you stronger?  How do you know if it's MLC?  Do they\can they love you again?  Am I kidding mself or simily clutching at straws?

So many questions....

[MarkedandHealed]

I was afraid this question was going to come up soon.

RCR and HB both have had their H's come back.

I know there's a feeling of hopelessness out there right now.

First things first, this is a brand new board, so on this board, you are not going to see the success stories you may elsewhere.

Secondly, it is my humble opinion that several things need to come about for this to work... one being that you need time, the second is that you need to heal yourself - you need to grow, forgive, and become loving and compassionate, and the third is that your H (or W) needs to grow and come through the tunnel.

If none of those things happen, your chances are smaller. If those things happen, your chances are larger.

There are no statistics and there shouldn't be. Some people will throw stats around, but they honestly mean nothing. Seriously, they're not scientific, they weren't extrapolated in a lab, they don't have the same variables, and thus they mean absolutely nothing.

Hope comes from within you. If you are feeling hopeless, that feeling also comes from within you.

Do the work, become the person you want to become, do the mirror work, as they say... and pray. Pray for growth, pray for peace, pray for hope, pray for a closer relationship with the Lord. He will do the rest.

[Glimmer]

Hi there. I too am new to this site my H left in November. I constantly searched  the web for answers but having found this site I realise that this is likely to be a very long process. In terms of some of the members here my MLCer is still in the early stages.
I realise now that there is no quick fix and it will take as long as it will take. Some days I feel strong and a little hopeful that we may survive this mess, even though he has been gone for almost 8months and has OW. Other days I struggle to cope with daily life. One thing I have found is that there is always some help and advice here to give me back a little hope and make me feel I can carry on another day. Up to now it hasn't got much easier, but things are a little more bearable when I can relay my thoughts and fears onto this site, knowing someone will pick up on this and give me strength to carry on standing.
Good Luck.

[SpecialK]

Thank you.  My ex (I'll now refer to him as the Landlord as it's house) When he came in last night, he was very withdrawn, didn't really want to talk and spent most of the evening in front of the TV or playing with the apps on his Iphone.  He look tired.  I remain as upbeat as I could, no questions, just let him get on with it.  I know he has falled out of love with me, but I don't feel his mood change is anything to do with me.  I do wonder though if he feels trapped. 

[MarkedandHealed]

Let's all make the promise that this will be the year of successes!

Pray (if you are a believer) and grow closer to the Lord
Set attainable, measurable goals
Take promises to ourselves to grow
Learn daily (not necessarily about MLC)
Become better people inside and out
Learn about forgiveness and give it up before it grows a root of bitterness

Post on your threads - let's see those goals!

[Trustandlove]

Regarding people getting back together, I do know a number, both IRL and online, who have done so.  In all cases it took TIME.  3 years was about the least.  One friend of mine rode this rollercoaster for 5 years; 2 of which her H lived with OW.  After he left her it still took 2 more years for him to come home.  That was now long ago; her ordeal started something like 10 years ago, before internet forums.  She called herself a Stander at the time. 

Faith. 

[Shinealight]

Hello Friends, I am new to this site too, but not to this rollercoaster. Two and half years for me and I have read so many
situations (all very similar to my own) and do wonder where and when it ends....It is comforting to know you are not alone on
this long, and seemingly relentless journey. H and I have not communicated for some months now and I have to admit it is more
peaceful than dealing with continuing let downs..I agree with MarkedandHealed it is such hard work.  Shinealight

[OldPilot]

Special K

I too know of success stories both on the boards and IRL.
I consider myself a success story, whether my marriage comes back together or not.
I WILL be ok no matter what happens, this is the one thing I do know.
I am the only person that I can control!
Am I stronger, YES with out a doubt.

Yes your MLC'er can love you again, mine is still a work in progress.
Time - is the one variable that none of us know, it takes as long as it takes.

As far as your question about yourself. - Only you can answer that question. What do YOU want.
Decide that and then you work your way towards that goal.

[SpecialK]

Thank you OP, you made me feel better (& well up).  Ultimately I would like us to get back on track as a couple, but equally I feel I have to get back to being the real me again first.  Starting believing in myself, put this situation aside as best I can and move forward.

OP can you give me some advise on Detachment?

Thank you.

[OldPilot]

OP can you give me some advise on Detachment?

Have you read the links in the resources above on detachment?
Also google livestrong, detachment. Start with those things. It is a process, it does not come easily. You must take small steps. I found that keeping myself busy helped. Sometimes it is just living day to day, hour by hour. I am and have been in the same house with my wife the whole time, so sometimes if we are in the same room I just go to a different room.

Keep asking questions and I or someone else will answer.