[ece711]

Asking How and When to give truth darts = walking on eggshells.  Every individual is different, you know your partner better than anyone else.  If the flow of the conversation goes there then do it.  If it never goes there don't initiate.  The way I look at it is...   truth darts are thrown for your own space.  Don't throw it and hope they immediately realize (wake up) that what their doing is wrong.  Besides a true measurement of whether you are detached or not is noticing that you can converse with them without the fear of losing them, or the fear that they may think that you are over them.

[BonBon]

I think they can help and they can hurt.
It's all about when and how you aim them.

Tiny ones during monster...if any.
Larger ones as they go through the tunnel.  If they are receptive.

I do agree that sometimes we send them just for our own venting.

[Rollercoasterider]

Truth Dart: A short statement that cuts through an MLCer’s confusion and chaos, planting the seed of a question in their mind.

These are some of the hardest thing to come up with. What to say, how to say it, when to say it... And the contexts are so varied. In the Truth Dart article I wrote for the blog I gave some examples, but they are really basic and they don't cover a variety of contexts. So I thought a thread where people could simply list statements for general or specific context and where people can request statements might be helpful.

Also use this thread for other communication tools--one-liner type things rather than essays about... So Mirroring or Ericksonian Language Techniques.

[WorkingHard]

A few truth darts I have tried:

The things you yelled at me sounded conflicted. How is guilt contributing to your anger? EFFECTIVE

Your choices are your responsibility, just as my choices are mine. EFFECTIVE

I don’t trust some of what you say right now, but I do trust that the good and kindhearted person I married is still inside you, and that s/he still has the same values. EFFECTIVE

You have always been a kind and decent person and I trust you will make this right for our marriage and our family. TOO SOON TO TELL WHETHER EFFECTIVE

You're attractive and there may always be someone willing to hook up with you for a while, but there won't always be someone willing to love and support you for a lifetime. TOO SOON TO TELL WHETHER EFFECTIVE

Until we deal with our individual issues, we are doomed to repeat the same mistakes in any future relationship. TOO SOON TO TELL WHETHER EFFECTIVE

[Albatross]

I can write one of mine. My S ask me something about Physics problem. And I was glad to help him. Anyway he have bad habit trying to defend self by rationalization never mind how bad his defense is. So, I ask him: "Why You defend self so desperately ? It is much simple and easy admit that You was wrong." So we talk and talk, and I am trying to make him explanation that nobody is perfect and that anyone can make mistake. And that he should not  have any problem admit mistake. "What will happen to You if You admit mistake ?" After long convo I said to him: "It is much easier blame everyone else then self. On that way You will be always right and whole world around You will be wrong. Pour me." Something like that.

My W carefully listen what we talking about browsing internet on tablet. After I said bold text she get me MONSTER look and said nothing. Very nice indirect dart of truth launch.

[MovingOnward]

I tried to tell him that "freedom", in the sense of having no responsibility, is unattainable when you are middle-aged, when you have kids, have a family, have a job. I quoted Janice Joplin at him: "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose."

I think that one really hit home because he looked really impressed and asked me when I thought of this, and I just laughed and told him that it is from a song.

[WorkingHard]

"Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose."

This could be the best truth dart of all time!

[CrazyTrain]

I like that one too!  I will have to remember that one the next time my H brings up his "freedom."  One truth dart I used on my H was "if she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you."  I got the deer in the headlight look, like the light bulb went off in his head.  We shall see what happens. 

[twilightzone]

Chris Christopherson

[in it]

There seems to be some confusion you have two choices.
You can deliver the furniture to the garage or I'm coming up there to get it and the Troopers are coming with ME"     EFFECTIVE

Don't show up at the apartment I'm living at or on my apartment I own or I'll have you ARRESTED!      So far EFFECTIVE

Don't have anything else sent to my address in the Mail for you that's addressed to me or I'm KEEPING it.       So far EFFECTIVE

At the end of the clearly typed out email I sent him back in JULY I said;

Then YOU can STOP emailing ME.

As the first time when the intial BD  happened he said I  was the one who emailed him all the time  WOW

I'm telling you if you respond to them at ALL before it's done it was YOU that was chasing them. You have to be flat out rude and I did NOT want to do that the first time.

 He didn't wait 5 seconds for me to reply to an email or anything else.

The 3 rule is EFFECTIVE 3 hours, 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, 3 years , NEVER -WHATEVER.

 HE KNEW HE HAD ME RIGHT WHERE HE WANTED ME..Scared to DEATH I was going to LOSE HIM.

NOW he's lost me instead...