[Anjae]

Well one thing that somewhat worked with the mlcer I was dealing was I didn't say anything for a REALLY long time..then when I actually said something he listened.

This has also worked with mine. And mine last year was even able to listen and talk for about an hour or so and even called back because he had a costumer to attend. He clearly was interested.

So OP's method might be just great .....but if nobody's talking ..who's listening??

Nobody? Or maybe silence is, in itself, a method of communication? It may mean there is nothing to be said or that people are thinking/processing. Or course if people are not talking there may be no way to know which one it is.

[in it]

Or course if people are not talking there may be no way to know which one it is.

No kidding... so then we're supposed to be mind readers? And all the silence for me was was TENSION. NOT PEACE.

 So it got nowhere fast. Like enough time will pass and I'll forget ALLLL about it. Time passing in silence; made it WORSE not better.

[Anjae]

No kidding... so then we're supposed to be mind readers? And all the silence for me was was TENSION. NOT PEACE.

Yes, I think so, we are supposed to be mind readers...  Or our MLCer, if we are the ones not taking to them. But, after a while, some of us get used, and start to enjoy, maybe even too much, the silence.

For me the silence is peace and I do (over?) enjoy it. Not to have to listen to an erratic, makes no sense, only says absurd things man or not to have to deal with monster is a bless.

I only talked to mine last year because my lawyer asked me to. Don't have much of a wish of have to talk to him this year. Not that last year he has been rude, he wasn't. But what else is there to say? Nothing.

[in it]

Well I have peace now because I'm not listening to him. And I cannot tell you how good it feels. I wouldn't trade this for anything. I finally do have peace. ( big yawn)

[CrazyTrain]

in it:  you would be proud of me!  The last couple of times that I have talked to H, I haven't said anything about our R, OW, or anything having to do with our current situation.  I just listen to him go on and on about work (yawn!), then we will discuss my job, the kids, mutual friends, etc.  And that's about it.  I am used to the silence at home, as he was always gone when he WAS here.  He was usually down at the shop working on something for someone else instead of spending any time at home with me.   

[in it]

VERY GOOD CT

As long as you have enough strength to do it...do not let it sap your strength. Expect setbacks..come back from those and you will get stronger.

They are like kriptonite to superman.. ( not OUR Superman of course  )

[justbelieve]

    They are like kriptonite to superman.. ( not OUR Superman of course  )   

   

Definitely not OUR Superman who paints fairy footprints on his gorgeous girl's leg in glitter nail polish He's indestructible!    

[Songanddance]

When H returned from his holiday with OW and told me what he had done whilst away,
I said " have you any idea how absurd you sound coming back return to the marital home and telling your wife of 25 years about your holiday with your bit on the side?
EFFECTIVE!
I am also using the reflecting technique my T has suggested as that seems to be a good way of turning comments back on him for him to hear himself..
As happened to me  H sobbing and saying "I'm sorry at what I have done to you and the kids.
Reflecting that  is to say " I hear you H, saying sorry at what you have done to me and the kids."
Repeat if necessary.
Unfortunately this happened before my therapist's suggestion so unable to confirm its effectiveness but makes  sense.

[With Gods Help!]

I believe it depends on the type of MLCer your dealing with.........when my h left again.........he spewed monster at me..........the things he said were worse than ever.........i reacted but let me tell you ..........my h knew i was not messing ..........i think somewhere along the line everything as to come out..........i also believe that h knew deep down everything i said was the truth...........after i had finished with the harpoons and they were mighty big my h said he would never speak to me again.........i told h that if the truth hurt him so much then maybe he needed to understand why.......i told him if he felt that me defending myself against lies stopped him talking to me then to go ahead........but that i would not be disrespected by him no more..........and its better that whilst hes still with her that he not involve me in their drama..................this was in July.......... we have since attended my D graduation he acted like he always as with me.............i then went dark until about 3 weeks ago where h tells me he misses talking to me.............back when h came home in the beginning of July.................he repeated many things I had said to him to o/w things like ..........my wife is innocent shes done nothing wrong..........other things like i can talk to my wife she understands me, where you o/w do not.......he even went on to say to o/w that our R (mine and H's) was better than it had ever been til she o/w had come along...........she screamed at him and said so your blaming me...............i said to h when he told me this i said then why do this and especially with a dysfunctional o/w he replied i don’t know im trying to understand that myself............i told him you both mirror each other ..........you was as messed up as her when you met that’s why you chose her....... so many of the darts/harpoons do register it just takes time for them to be able to process them  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[UKStander]

.he repeated many things I had said to him to o/w things like ..........my wife is innocent shes done nothing wrong..........other things like i can talk to my wife she understands me, where you o/w do not.......he even went on to say to o/w that our R (mine and H's) was better than it had ever been til she o/w had come along...........she screamed at him and said so your blaming me...............i

He told you all this??    Wow. That's bizarre. 

Here's a truth dart, I used recently.  H is now cordial mode so it wasn't difficult to say it calmly, but he seemed to be listening, and I was referring to something that in Monster mode made him furious. Here it is, folks:

"I'm sorry, but that just isn't true."

We Brits say sorry all the time, as you know, so that "I'm sorry" bit isn't as apologetic as it sounds. It's just polite.