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Author Topic: MLC Monster Questions about the affair/OM/OW II

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MLC Monster Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#270: August 13, 2011, 11:37:12 PM
I agree Still Standing. H even told me that OW was attracted to "what a great family man" he is.  ??? Obviously stupid and ignorant (what "great family" people don't do is abandon said family). It also made me wonder about how H presented himself because she saw us together as a family once (at a party) and other than that she had very little to go on to make that assumption about him. Given that that year in which he met her was a year where I had a newborn and a 4 year old and H was more distant from me (I was afterall his family), the support that this incredible "family man" offered was negligible. Now they get the kids and they manage them as long as they don't have them for too long alone.

Of course, in my sitch OW came from a home with an absent father who I have been told she has almost no contact with, which makes me think that she actually doesnt have the faintest idea what a stable family environment looks like, and even less idea about the sorts of self-sacrifices a "good family man" would make, including not giving in to an attraction to a little desperate piece of fluff from the office and walking out on the wife and kids during the latter's early formative years....

In other words, the OP is often a damaged, somewhat desperate person looking to have unfulfilled personal needs met in a relationship with someone they thought represented stability, security. What they overlook (because they are damaged and desperate) is that stability and security would never walk away from a prior commitment and life amid a torrent of lies and betrayal. So by the very nature of accepting a man (or woman) who would do that, they are accepting a person who CANNOT be stable and secure. I almost pity them...
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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#271: August 14, 2011, 03:31:05 AM
In my sitch, the OW was in a similar position to me in that she had 2 D's similar ages to mine. She was divorced because her H had an affair and they didn't get through it, they got divorced. She wanted a fling, she didn't want commitment from my H, she wanted sex, and some excitment in her life. She got that for a while and she led him on, willingly it seems. He stayed here and continued with her, (told me it ended) I bet he was feeling like the most wanted guy in town! But when the s**t hit the fan and I told him he had to leave more than a year after BD, things went haywire, she must have got scared and their fling fizzled. She never really wanted him, she couldn't give up her child support anyway, and she'd have lost that if he'd lived with her, she just wanted a distraction and he obliged. She gave him some attention when I was busy looking after my D's and my dying Mum.

I could never understand how she could do something like that when she knows how it feels, it happened to her too. She's a real sado, but it doesn't excuse his part in it too. He was weak and blinded by a bit of attention, he thought it was love. I think he's beginning to see it for what it was now, a sordid adulterous affair, not all hearts and flowers. He's starting to reconnect I think, but a long way to go yet.
OW/OM  have no morals, they stink, as HB says, the karma bus is coming!
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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#272: August 14, 2011, 05:21:43 AM
Quote
The OPis often a damaged somewhat desperate person looking to have unfulfilled needs met in a relationship with someone they thought represented security and stability.
S&D this sums up the OW in my case perfectly.
From his point of view she listens and validates everything he says and provides the 'youthfulness' he craves.
I don't think she is a bad person, just very needy and immature. She will have to live with what she has done though for the rest of her life, not something I would want.
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« Last Edit: November 13, 2011, 12:37:56 AM by Millvina »

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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#273: August 14, 2011, 08:38:00 AM
Hi TrustingMyHP,

H's OW has been married twice, divorced her 2nd H of 15 years to be with my H.  H tells me that OW's first husband was an alcoholic and her second husband was "abusing her" and that's why she had to leave him.  When I asked what type of abuse H told me that he hit her during a fight.  This fight happened to occur at the time my H and OW began their PA.  Coincidence? 

It's all so sordid.  People without a conscience are scary.

Scary indeed!  Tell me is your H's OW going out with mine too? lol    Unbelievable, sounds exactly the same scenario and my H fell for it hook, line and sinker... :-\  How so much drama can befall one woman is incredible...just to throw an added extra in my H's OW told him she'd had ovarian cancer too!....

Love and hugs
Foxy 

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H - still a Vanisher - Maybe he will realise one day what he's lost...but after years of heart-searching finally it doesn't matter any more! I never thought when I was devastated in 2010 after 28 years of marriage - I could be happy again...but it's true - I'm done spinning my wheels - I learned to walk on the sunny side of the street and leave the shadows behind me. Brand new life for me & it feels good to be free of all the drama. No such thing as MLC - just men/women who run away & are too cowardly to talk about their issues, just cheat with other cheaters! Don't waste your gift of life on these pathetic spouses - live life & enjoy...don't waste your life wondering why...you will never know...Trust is precious don't waste it on people who don't know know what it means...

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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#274: August 14, 2011, 08:39:29 AM
Fox,

same here...my H's OW is exactly the same.....sure their not the same OW?? lol
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Me 45
H deceased 11/09/2015
D17
Married 16 yrs Together 25 yrs
BD 09/10
living with OW 12/10
OW moved out 03/11
H moved home 06/11
Affair ended 05/12 again and again and again
H Blocked xOW from contacting Him 10/12
Ended ALL contact with xOW Dec 26th 2012 (So I thought!) I filed for D June 10th 2013
Moved out.

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"Never, ever be afraid to do what's right, especially if the well being of a person is at stake. Society's punishments are small compared to the wounds we inflict on our soul when we look the other way."

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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#275: August 14, 2011, 10:37:27 AM
I don't know a whole lot about H OW....but I guess he did mention some things to BIL & me when they were "just friends" and "its just a place to stay".....he still wont' admit to the she's the OW even though he's brought her to meet his kids & mother!

H OW is married but they must be separated (her H lives next door!)......she also has or did have some sort of female cancer too!!!.....and the house they are living in right now has been foreclosed on and there is a sheriff's sale on it this month!!

Sounds like a dream life to me....NOT!
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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#276: August 14, 2011, 10:59:37 AM
 InLimbo,      My best girlfriend told me that! Right from the beginning. She said "Oh that Bowser is just a place to stay."  I said No he's in LOVE with her. (infatuated) She kept saying it was a place to run to get away from ME!
   I hate this whole thing. It is maddening isn't it?  I love the description you gave of where they live.  I'm picturing that house Boo lived in, in  To Kill A Mocking Bird.  :o
      Our lives.... ::) ::) I can't believe the words involved in our lives now thanks to MLCer.  No good words. Words like Abandon. Sheriff, substance abuse, anger, confusion, child neglect, verbal and emotional abuse, financial ruin, cheating, lying, it goes on and one. Are there any good words for Hitting Rock Bottom? :'(
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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#277: August 14, 2011, 11:04:18 AM
I know for sure my H was in the right place at the wrong time and there OW was and the rest is History.....she is the complete opposite of EVERYTHING my H held dear....that's why I struggled to get it (sometimes still do) that he would pick a woman simply because she has a pulse! Sorry but it's true.....he even had the nerve to tell me he found her "attractive"  ummm I thought and that makes me?????

So a 25 year old leggy blonde I can "see" why but a 49 year old twice married woman with teenagers  no....I don't get it...apart from the affair down...... that I get.....

love and hugs
Fox    xxxx
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H - still a Vanisher - Maybe he will realise one day what he's lost...but after years of heart-searching finally it doesn't matter any more! I never thought when I was devastated in 2010 after 28 years of marriage - I could be happy again...but it's true - I'm done spinning my wheels - I learned to walk on the sunny side of the street and leave the shadows behind me. Brand new life for me & it feels good to be free of all the drama. No such thing as MLC - just men/women who run away & are too cowardly to talk about their issues, just cheat with other cheaters! Don't waste your gift of life on these pathetic spouses - live life & enjoy...don't waste your life wondering why...you will never know...Trust is precious don't waste it on people who don't know know what it means...

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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#278: August 14, 2011, 12:01:42 PM
hi Foxy,

Quote
25 year old leggy blonde I can "see" why but a 49 year old twice married woman with teenagers

You answered your own question:

Quote
was in the right place at the wrong time and there OW was and the rest is History

I remember saying to H that it was a remarkable coincidence that of all the women in the whole wide enormous world, the "perfect soul-mate" just happened to start working at the desk behind him in his office. What luck!! ???

They are in MLC, a large inflatable doll would have made a great "soulmate" if no one else had presented themselves at the right time. The who is almost entirely irrelevent - they made a beeline for the only woman making herself available.

Honestly (and I know that some may judge me for this) but I had a brief fling with an old friend at the start of the summer (8 months after H moved in with OW) it was fun and that was al,l but the point it drove home to me most was that friendship and good sex does not a "soulmate" make. Unless you are in MLC.
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Nina Simone

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Re: Questions about the affair/OM/OW II
#279: August 14, 2011, 12:05:18 PM
I hasten to add that the old friend of the fling was 100% unattached, single. I would not touch a married man with a barge pole. I wouldn't have before being on the receiving end and I would absolutely NEVER do that now.
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It's a new dawn
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For me
And I'm feeling good


Nina Simone

 

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