[With Gods Help!]

When my h met o/w she was 26yrs old he 39 now shes 29 and hes 42 and guess what he still doesn’t take her out in our town.....why after all this time if hes met his soul-mate does he hide her away..... i thought when your with the woman of your  dreams you cant wait to show her off......why does o/w allow this shes become a prisoner to h...hes does what he wants and so do i............do these o/w think so little of themselves that they wont/cant demand to be treated properly.........why do they allow such treatment are they that desperate to keep married boyfriend happy ........Anyway the karma bus is just about to hit o/w tomorrow......she as to appear under caution to the benefit fraud squad and she tried to blame me for telling the authorities...however my h wouldnt allow her to he defended me saying my wife wouldn’t do that....they had a big stinking argument over it..........by the sounds of it they shot themselves in the foot by registering baby in my h's name and it was investigated every action as a consequence and she will face these tomorrow.........she said to h they might want to interview him.........he said why im not committing fraud you are and i wont talk to them ........oh boy i was laughing my socks off inside when he told me this........so apart from stealing my h shes also stealing from the government......goes to show what type of woman she is.........she will reap what she sowed......she tried to destroy me with her lies and antics in the beginning well guess what biatch....your own antics will destroy you.......whilst i sit back with the popcorn and watch the best drama unfold...her mother doesn’t know my h is married and they were committing adultery so when the baby was born she proudly announced it in our local paper...........wonder if she will be as proud when o/w appears in newspaper for fraud.........now thats KARMA xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

[kikki]

They are in MLC, a large inflatable doll would have made a great "soulmate" if no one else had presented themselves at the right time. The who is almost entirely irrelevent - they made a beeline for the only woman making herself available.

Ha - the visual picture is brilliant!  Springs to mind a scene from the movie 'Lars and the real girl' - Tragic movie about a dysfunctional, never married guy who's desperate for a relationship, and buys himself an inflatable doll.  He's convinced she's real - the story is tragi/comedy and it's excruciating watching everyone else's reactions.

I reckon our MLCers must be the same.  The 'happy couple' (OW may as well be an inflatable doll) must receive a lot of the same pitying glances. And of course, neither of them notice their effect on others around them!!!!

[Ibelieve]

I met/ know two OW, two of my friends. Friend #1 was just recently an OW. (Right before my BD) Friend #2 was one more than 10 years ago. I now feel awful that I knew they were doing it and didn't push harder for them to stop. Though I do remember telling them that I didn’t think it was right, and that they should really think about the other family, but I would not stop being friends with them. And now that they know my situation and I hate the OW (and not my H) they kind of get it. Though one of them tells me I should not blame the OW because my H is the one that is married and not the OW. The funny thing is they are my biggest supporters, and have been there for me since the beginning, through all the tears, anger and confusion. Friend #1 tells me to dump him... Friend #2 tells me to do what I think is right for me, but also thinks I should move on.


Friend #1 story...

She has been married twice and divorced twice. Last year she started dating a married man from her work. The guy, 55 years old told her that his marriage was over, but  he still lives with wife, they do not have sex or sleep in the same room. They are doing it for financial reason. And when that was all figured out, he would get an apartment. Hmmm, Sound familiar? She actually believed him. Therefore did not think she was doing anything wrong. I have been telling her all about MLC, but she still believed his story.It ended when she found out he had another OW. She was really surprised because she thought she was special to him. And he was going to move out for her. She still believes his story, and is just dating around. 

Friend #2 story… Twists and turns in this one.

She was married for about 20 years. The marriage was not a good one. She was first the cheater in the marriage. She was 40 at the time. She stopped when the guy got arrested. Yikes, talk about “Affair down”. Her H found out about the affair later, forgave her and they stayed together until he then cheated. They got divorced.

She became OW with a guy (45 years old) she met at a dinner party. He claimed that he was in a bad marriage, but since he had two teenagers he didn’t want to leave them. So he was still at home, claiming he was not having sex or sleeping in the same room with wife. Just like friend #1. Crazy! Friend #2 also believed his story. They were just friends at first. Then it got romantic (My H told me the same thing about his OW) Anyway, The wife eventually kicked the H out. And my friend and the guy got together. It was rocky for a while because the wife was mean, and caused a lot of trouble for my friend. She was very vindictive. They eventually got divorced!

My friend married the guy about 2 years later. Those first years were very rocky, Once again because the ExWife was really mean, and continued to cause problems. Things finally settled and they were able to have a normal marriage. But then A few years later, the Wife wanted to get back together with her Ex Husband, and she did NOT care that he was married now. She begged him to come back, and was sorry for all the mean things she did. And she was still in love with him, and always has been. She wanted her family back together. He didn’t want anything to do with her. My Friend just recently told me that part of the story. I was really surprised.
Doesn't it sound like all three of them were in some kind of crisis?

[Anjae]

StillStanding, I think my husband OW1 was after the stability a long term committed person can offer. Of course, as StandandDeliver said it “a great family man" does not live not get involved with OW. I wonder how she could not see it. The “great family man” left to move in with a single party boy. He shared a flat with this fellow for a while. Afterwards, H moved in a communal flat full of people in their late 20’s, all into partying as well. After moving out husband was always going to clubs and bars. So much for the “great family man” life. LOL OW2, for all I know, comes straight out of that crowd of party goers he hangs around with. Both OW have college degrees so RCR is right, pound scum includes people with master degrees or PhD’s.
I have no idea what H told OW1 or OW2. OW1 knew us from our wide cultural circle. Everybody knew we had been together for 20 years and that we get along fine. Others even had us as a role model. Maybe he told her he was unhappy…Of course he was, he was depressed. To OW2 he could have said whatever he wanted. I had long moved back home and he had long dived into that crazy partying circuit.

StandandDeliver, Yes, they are getting some one who is not stable or secure. It’s mad. Your image of the large inflatable doll made me laugh. I will not judge you for your brief fling with an old friend. I’ve had one myself. My friend is divorced and unattached, the fling was also fun. And no, friendship and good sex do not make a “soulmate”. But, in MLC…anything goes. However, and I don’t know if this happens to anyone else, I barely feel a connection towards my H these days. I’ve moved back home over 4 years ago, I haven’t seen my H for more than 3 years, we’ve had talked, maybe 10 times (always e-mail except twice by phone). I’ve meet new people; my life no longer resembles the one we had. So, I’m not sure I could even reconnect with him…

Foxberry, 20 or 25 years old I can get. Well, maybe not on a 36 about to be 37 years old man… but… Anyway, I think that if they got the classic portrait of MLC, a 20 years old blonde bimbo and the red Ferrari it wouldn’t be so bad. They would tire of the blonde pretty quick and the red Ferrari could be sold. 

Mama Bear, the only good words I can think of for Hitting Rock Botton are The Only Way is Up! One can not go bellow Rock Botton. Or can one?...

With Gods Help! My H is the opposite of your. He makes a point of going around town, the country, even the world both with OW1 and OW2. Is reasoning is, we are separated we no longer have anything in common. It has been like this since he left. Since he no longer lived home he could do as he pleased.

Ibelieve, Your friends stories just show that, anyone can became an OW/OM or a cheating spouse . It has a lot to do with how we are feeling at a certain moment in ours lives. Yes, in your friend #2 story it does look like the 3 of them we’re in some sort of a crisis. Makes sense your friends, even if they were/are OW stand by you. They are your friends. Things with relationships and friendships are never easy or black and white.

[Ibelieve]

My friend married the guy about 2 years later. Those first years were very rocky, Once again because the Ex Wife was really mean, and continued to cause problems. Things finally settled and they were able to have a normal marriage. But then A few years later, the Wife wanted to get back together with her Ex Husband, and she did NOT care that he was married now. She begged him to come back, and was sorry for all the mean things she did. And she was still in love with him, and always has been. She wanted her family back together. He didn't want anything to do with her. My Friend just recently told me that part of the story. I was really surprised.
Doesn't it sound like all three of them were in some kind of crisis?

I am Quoting myself..

In this story the Wife did not get her Husband back, and the OW (my friend) has been married to him for about 8 years. But don't be discouraged, It has everything to do with how Ex Wife reacted to the situation.   The ExWife was NOT a stander at all, and was really mean to them for a long time. Proof of what Everyone says here... Leave our MLCers alone to do what they need to do, don't cause problems, and  especially don't talk about, or bother the OW.   

[kikki]

When I was in my late 20's, my boss hit MLC.  He had a beautiful wife and four lovely children.  I knew they used to be close (even though I was newish to that work environment, others who had been there longer confirmed that to be the case).

The way he pursued me and was so obviously obsessed with me, was very public and was a little scary.  Everyone else in that company knew that he was besotted.

He was a large man (not overweight, but tall and strong), and he would often come into my office and shut the door.  Sit down and start pouring out his 'woe is me, I'm soooooo unhappy' stories.  I'd immediately get up and busy myself elsewhere ......  he didn't get the message

It made no sense to me, and I knew he wasn't currently in his right mind.  I had no interest in having a relationship with this man, despite him making it obvious that I was his target.

He wouldn't let up with his behaviour, and I eventually left that job.
I heard that within a matter of days, he'd moved his sights to another woman, the same age as myself  (15 years younger than he was), and she took the bait.  They eventually had a couple of children together, but I heard that the relationship didn't last for too long.

I have no idea what happened after that, as I have moved out of the area.  I often think of his lovely wife these days.  I remember saying to her that he was as miserable as sin, at the time, and not to believe his 'I'm so happy' stories. 

I guess she didn't have the benefit of all of this information.

Whoever would have thought that I'd ever have to face the same rubbish ..........  I do understand the force of the obsession with the OW as I have been on the receiving end of it - weird, weird, weird    You really would have to be in a bad place yourself to find any of it appealing ....

Anyone else had this experience?

[kikki]

I asked how she felt about it, and she said it was a very easy thing to slip into, and as she has no respect whatsoever for relationships, she didn't feel any remorse for being involved with a married man with kids.

I think this is a very key sentence. People who become involved with married people are not thinking abouut anything, but their own personal needs. They don't think beyond the moment. The MLC'er is a vulnerable target for these individuals....whether they are seeking or being sought out. They are like teenagers whose momentary lapse of jugdment sends them in a downward spiral.

Thanks Still, I somehow missed your response before.  Have been thinking about this and mulling it over. 
Vulnerable targets and downward spiral - that's it in a nutshell

[BonBon]

Very interesting indeed.

I know four women who had affairs.

#'s one and two were very sad women, never married, felt hopeless and were lonely and disollusioned.  Both ended it, felt remorse and vowed it would never happen again.  One is married now, the other is not.  I think both of these women went off the rails at bad times in their life. 

# three had many affairs with married men.  She was not married and never has been.  She, to this day, has no remorse and sees it as her "right".  What she bases that on, I have no idea other than the fact that she is bitter, having very few boyfriends in her youth.  She is a shark looking for prey.

#4 is married, and affaired with a married man.  She is in the process of divorce now.  I believe she is in an MLC.  She says she has remorse towards the spouse of her lover but I don't buy it.  She has NO remorse regarding her own husband.  She feels justified in that she believes he was not a good husband though I know he was faithful.

So I guess from the ones I've known, half felt badly....half do not.  Strange.

[Ibelieve]

That's just  sad when you think of how many people we know who have done something like this.

I am proud to say I have never cheated, or even thought about cheating in my 21 year marriage. I love my H more than anything.
 I can't even imagine it.

I do know another friend who has cheated several times on her H.  One time I remember she was having an affair with a man that lived across the street from her. 20 years older than her. He was married too. She told me that she was not happy and he was not happy in their marriages and that she deserved to be happy. This friend is also the one who never wanted to get married in the first place. But she got pregnant and her family convinced her to do the right thing. It's been 15 years; I think she is still married.  I have not talked to her in several years.

[kikki]

She told me that she was not happy and he was not happy in their marriages and that she deserved to be happy.

This does seem to be a recurring theme - Looking externally for something they need to work on internally .........