[Dontgiveup]

crazyforhim

This is from RCR's article specific to Clinging Boomerags:
Though a Clinging Boomerang may have Monster moments and phases, they are likely to be relatively brief, as this MLCer does not want to alienate their spouse

[Mamma Bear]

  Clingy Boomeranger? Yes I have one. Totally ensconced over at bowser ows and yet telling me last Monday " My idea of your role is as my bestest bestest friend in the whole world.If someone asks who is your bestest friend I would say "You" and if someone asks you then you say "me"  OK?
  I answered : Sure.
  H:  cause that "other thing" we're not good at.
  Me: Oh that other thing...you mean our marriage?
  H: (laughs) Yeah
  I'm going to get more popcorn. Clingy Boomerangers are just like 17 year olds who took out the parents car and are staying out so they don't get yelled at. I am so glad he's a CB.  I really am. I can SEE the confusion. I can SEE the jumpy nervousness around me. I can see in his eyes that he feels badly about how it all went down. (plus he told me)
  If he wasn't a CB I'd really be in a bad place. I need to see it. It is really happening. He is out of his mind. Temporarily.

[Trustandlove]

Yep, me too, standard boomerang.  I thought he was an "off and on", but RCR told me that he is in too regular contact for that.  It's all about the children; up until about a year and a half ago it was sometimes about him as well, when things weren't going so well for him, but that stopped.   We hear from him each week, pretty much just admin, as to when he's going to come see them or drive them to activities.   

I still find myself having excuses for contact, even if it is just to check on arrangements (but sometimes I really do need to know...), that gets less and less all the time.  I do reflect on what I have done "wrong" throughout this process, but them remember that it takes a long time for the LBS to learn as well.  I have a life. 

Recently he had called and seen a few old friends as well, wanting them to see his new life and accept him as he is now (as far as anyone can tell). 

The worst of the replay lasted 2.5 years, the manic bit, but it's hard to tell where he is.  He's on job/venture number 4, keeps updating his apartment or buying new toys (cars, etc.); has taken many short and 3 long-haul trips abroad, is on OW5 by my count, not counting just "dates". 

It's weird not really knowing anything about his life; I stopped asking ages ago, and know only what he chooses to tell.   I do sometimes think that yes, it would be easier if he was a totally nutty clinger, at least then I would know that he is nuts; this way he seems so sane so often that it makes you wonder. 

This takes a long time. 

[Mitzpah]

T&L
I think you answered my question.
I posted on the original Grouping thread that I wasn't sure and that I thought he tended towards off and on, but this true of my h.

Yep, me too, standard boomerang.  I thought he was an "off and on", but RCR told me that he is in too regular contact for that.  It's all about the children; up until about a year and a half ago it was sometimes about him as well, when things weren't going so well for him, but that stopped.   We hear from him each week, pretty much just admin, as to when he's going to come see them or drive them to activities.   

Interesting, as you observed, it is sometimes about him too.

[SpecialK]

I put my ex as Low-Energy and on/off but he also shows a few traits listed here. When I see him he hugs me, cuddles up to me and stares at me just like he always did, in that respect nothing has changed. Then off he goes, and I don't hear/see him for 2/3 weeks.  I do fine it hard at tines to get my head round it.

SK x

[Trustandlove]

Like RCR said, most MLCers are some kind of boomerang.....

Mine could be using the children as a "convenient excuse", or he could be at a stage where he wants to be seen as a good father. 

What I have seen at various points is him being in touch, but then pulling back if it gets too much, because he feels that he might be sending out the wrong signals to the children (and by extension, to me) -- he doesn't want to do anything that might make them think (give them hope) that he might come back. 

That he has articulated -- and again, in hindsight I see that he does that when in the thick of an OW relationship.   

It's hard to say what is "too much" contact for him, but he seems to manage a max of 2 hours at any one time.  And one week when there were lots of kid things and we saw him 4 times it really did seem like that was too often for him.  Or something. 

A while ago (well, more like over a year ago) he was staying longer, so hard to say what this means, if anything. 

But no touching -- and he was always the most cuddly person every.  Still hugs the kids.  Very, very occasionally I get a peck on the cheek, such as when he dropped us off at the airport this summer, but never at home. 

[Silmarion]

Glad I found this thread.  Been musing over 'boomerang' stuff recently.

Think h is boomerang.  Sometimes contact, sometimes not.  As T&L said, my h was more present in the past than he is now.  So I wonder if he's detaching too?  Esp when he's o/seas with OW.  He is v. formal to me.  Not sure what that's about.

He seems to live a boomerang life as everything is ambiguous: injured but does more work.  wants at some point to co-parent but apt not big enough.  Anxious about money, yet takes cheapest route to see OW.

Could we have a Catch 22 type of MLCer in the list please?!

Sil x

[eternity]

Well my H is a  boomerang too
H visits +/- once a month + an occasional email/text and surprise call in between (for practical things)
There is no special contactwith our S18.(no separate activities tried but did not work for S) . It seems as S and me are a package deal.
There was more contact the first 3 months after BD, probably because I initiated this a lot back than. Also more surprise visits, more crumbs  in the beginning.
I have seen a H in full replay heights about his new freedom and I have seen a H crying
But now the extremes seem to be gone

H respects the boundary that S has set from the beginning: no contact with OW + S does not want to go and see H, H has to come around

Our contact is calm and pleasant, a little awkward first moments but everything settles down quickly.
In the early days H liked to mention OW, silly unimportant  things but confronting for me (although I did never react)
Now this has stopped, he does not mention her anymore

We went to S's graduation together end of June and nobody could have told that we live separate lives. H even mentioned "If I am more  around you then…" but he did not finish his sentence.
I had the impression he avoided us after our evening together, that he ran and went hiding and avoiding (maybe processing) in his tunnel again.
MIL kind of confirmed this as she told me that H has a hard time after each visit.
He said that every time he comes around it feels normal and at home.
Couple of months ago H also told me the same and added that he projected this onto OW.
H visits almost every time behind OW back, also the tel. calls she will probably not know about. H sometimes comes around our house and calls me at work from our home tel NR. So no way she can trace this  and emails and texts can be deleted automatically.
H avoids upsetting her and I have the impression this is not to jeopardize his peace & quiet

I avoid asking questions. In the early days when I asked questions I got to hear things I did not want to hear(mild monster).
If I did not ask questions H would fish for info about me, asking how I was doing etc...

H seems to have a good feeling where he is in the tunnel, without knowing he is in a tunnel.
He sometimes describes his feelings and it seems like he has find this forum as well, it is so accurate sometimes.

Last R-info dates from July: H told me  that it is not about love and that he will always love me, but that I would not understand (little does he know!). H also told me that he is afraid of coming back (H returned 10 days 3 months after BD), he is afraid it would not work and he does not want to put me through this again + he would jeopardize his R with OW and end up with nothing. Plan A & B thing.

I know I am still in his heart and that we still get along very well.
H wants us to say friends and calls my by my nickname, huggs  and kisses me when leaving
This is where we are 1 year from BD
E

[kappy]

My h is definately a boomerang too.   He conta ts me everyday about D and usually later at night as well.  But even when D is with him, he still contacts me.  He uses
Dumb excuses to text me.   He detaches for a few days and then starts texting again. He reminds me how he wants to have fun and is not thinking of us as a couple. But he keeps doing things to stay in contact.  For example, today he called to come over and make dinner for me and D. At first I thought no way, but I did agree. Im not sure which type he is, but he's definately a boomerang. 

[justasking]

Kappy

Sounds a bit clingy to me 

xx